Food & Receipts

4 Types of Parenting That Lead to Spoiled Children: Check If You’re Guilty of Any

Overprotective parenting is a common issue faced by parents who shower their children with love and care, often leading to negative consequences in the child's development.

Administrator

22 April, 2024

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“The “Afraid of My Child’s Disapproval” Type

Many parents view it as an honorable prize to have their children adore them, to the point where family members compete to see who their child favors the most. And that’s where the error in judgment lies, leading to pampering children in order to win their affection. The behavior of such overprotective parents stems from their constant fear of their child’s disapproval and their desire to befriend their offspring.

If you were to observe the day-to-day lives of such parents, you’d see that they avoid confrontation… In life, they are “nice guys” not just with their children but with family members, coworkers, etc. They dread damaging relationships by uttering a single negative word, opting to remain silent instead. Their indulgence of their children is essentially compensation for the shortcomings these parents feel in their own social relationships.

These 4 Parenting Styles Lead to Excessive Child Spoiling

The “Perpetually Guilty” Type

The story is told of a woman who, upon hearing her child crying while at work, assumes it is her fault and cannot bear it. In an effort to appease their child, such parents will cave in and break their own rules, such as giving the child snacks, allowing them to watch TV, and buying them whatever they desire – things she previously stood firm against but now often compromises on.

Perpetually guilty parents constantly feel indebted to their children and blindly indulge them in order to make up for it. When parents are weak-willed, especially mothers, they easily end up pouring all their energy into spoiling their children.

The “Helpless” Type

Many children make unreasonable demands of their parents and use their crying and tantrums to overpower their parents. Many parents are helpless due to their inability to appease their children. Helpless parents may try their best to please their child but never attempt to establish rules and are accustomed to passing this responsibility onto others. That way, they don’t have to take responsibility and can confidently say that it’s not because of their poor management skills that the child is so difficult. This is essentially a sign of laziness and fear of responsibility.

The “Controlling” Type

Another person shared: “My friend tries her utmost each day to take care of everything for her child. Her child is now 10 years old and doesn’t have to do any chores, has food delivered daily, and has someone help her choose and match her clothes. My friend says that she feels like she hasn’t achieved anything in her life, so her only wish is for her child to want for nothing and to focus on her studies so that she can grow up to be successful. Therefore, every time her child gets a bad grade, she feels terribly upset.”

This is a typical example of the control some parents exert in the name of love. Along with this type of expectation, we often hear: “How could you not live up to your mother’s sacrifice? Who did your mother suffer so much for?” The nature of this control is a reflection of the inner anxiety and imbalance of the parents themselves.

Their love for their child is actually only meant to alleviate their own inner anxiety; once their child’s behavior fails to meet their needs, it is transformed into an “accusation”.

How to Address These Parenting Styles:

If you identify with any of the above parenting styles, it’s time to reassess the way you love your child. Parents need to love their children, but they need to love them the right way.

Love is a form of energy; those capable of loving others must first love themselves. Therefore, parents must first improve themselves in order to become truly mature, capable of accepting the regrets left behind and acknowledging the independence of each individual.

Parents should not use their children to compensate for their own unfinished regrets. Remember that we have others to love – friends and our own lives – and so will our children in the future. A parent’s responsibility is to discipline and guide their child in the right way.

Raising a child is a learning process; you cannot pass this responsibility off to someone else to handle on your behalf. The simplest way to assess whether you are “loving” or “spoiling” is to ask yourself whether you feel balanced and happy when you love your child. When you are apprehensive, confused, or entangled, you should stop and look within: Do you truly love your child, or are you using “love” as an excuse to indulge your own inner shortcomings?

Parents with a kind heart, a steadfast life philosophy, and high self-esteem will never “spoil” their children, no matter how much they love them. When you feel apprehensive and confused, take a break from parenting for a while, love yourself first, awaken the child within you, and have a lighthearted chat with them.

Spoiling does not mean you have too much love; it is a response to the lack of love in the child within us. And only we ourselves can change that.

Frequently asked questions

These parents feel constantly indebted to their children and blindly indulge them. They often break their own rules and give in to their children’s demands, such as providing snacks, allowing TV time, or buying them desired items. This type of parenting stems from weak-willed parents who end up pouring all their energy into spoiling their children.

Helpless parents are unable to appease their children’s unreasonable demands and are overwhelmed by their crying and tantrums. They try to please their children but rarely set rules and often pass the responsibility of discipline onto others. This behavior is a sign of laziness and a fear of taking responsibility for their child’s difficult behavior.

Controlling parents try to manage every aspect of their child’s life, often as a reflection of their own inner anxiety and imbalance. They may provide excessive care, such as doing all the chores, providing daily food delivery, and even helping their child choose and match clothes. Their love can turn into an “accusation” when their child’s behavior fails to meet their expectations.

Parents should reassess their approach and strive to love their children in a healthy way. Love is energy, and one must love themselves first before they can love others. Parents should improve themselves, accept their regrets, and recognize their child’s independence. It’s important to remember that parenting is a learning process and that true love doesn’t spoil but guides and disciplines.