At the core of parenting is creating an environment that allows children to grow and develop according to their unique nature. However, many parents often lack faith in their children’s abilities, inadvertently hindering their growth and development.
“The following are five examples of behaviors that parents may think are positive but, in reality, could be hindering their children’s development.”
Doing Everything for Your Child
Some parents believe that micromanaging their children’s lives is an expression of love. However, this can be detrimental to their child’s development. Over-involvement in their children’s lives may reflect a lack of trust in their abilities and independence. For example, if a 4-year-old child wants to help with cleaning but is stopped by their mother because she thinks they can’t do it properly, it may make the child feel incapable.
When children express their desire to do things independently, it is a positive sign of their developing self-regulation skills. This is a crucial stage in their development when they start understanding responsibility and independence. By respecting their desire to do things “by themselves” and adjusting the task’s difficulty level to their abilities (such as letting them tidy up their toys while you take care of other areas), children will experience joy and a deeper sense of accomplishment.
Research has shown that stimulating the ventral tegmental area (VTA) of the brain creates a motivated mindset. When children feel successful in completing tasks, they are more likely to exhibit a desire for exploration and experimentation, thus building a solid foundation for future development.
This creates a safe space for children to express themselves and explore their potential without fear of judgment. When children feel trusted and supported, they become more assertive: “I want to do it myself.”
Children will become more assertive when they feel trusted and supported.
Over-Instructing
In daily conversations, parents often give multiple instructions such as “You should…”, “You must…”, “Don’t do that”, or “If you do it this way, it would be better; why don’t you listen?”. While this may stem from a place of care and a desire to protect their children from mistakes, it can create unnecessary pressure and make children feel controlled.
Although parents believe that these instructions will shield their children from risks and failures, they can have the opposite effect. Over-instructing can lead to children becoming overly dependent on adult guidance. While they may become obedient, they also lose their sense of autonomy and independent thinking. Simply following others’ opinions can hinder their ability to face challenges confidently.
Moreover, constant intervention can instill a fear of failure. If children feel that every decision needs their parents’ approval, they may give up on experimentation and exploration, leading to a lack of creativity. Instead of intervening for convenience or assumptions, consider supporting and accompanying your children when necessary. More importantly, let them explore and learn from their mistakes and failures.
Rather than conveying the message, “I think you can do it,” aim to encourage them positively, helping them feel respected and valued.
Encourage your children positively to help them feel respected and valued.
Not Giving Children Opportunities to Help
Helping others not only gives children a sense of accomplishment but also helps them develop skills and a sense of responsibility. There are times when children show interest in household chores such as cleaning, cooking, or gardening. However, many parents think they are too young to participate in these tasks.
When parents don’t allow children to help, they may become less proactive and even feel less responsible for family activities. This is not entirely the children’s fault, as their autonomy has been restricted from the beginning. If they are not assigned tasks or given opportunities to practice, their motivation and interest in helping will gradually fade.
When children express their desire to help, as long as it’s safe, parents should encourage them to take on the task. Adjust the task to their current abilities and provide clear and specific instructions. For example, if a mother asks her child to help with whisking eggs, she can guide them through a process: “First, crack the eggs like this, then separate the yolks and whites into bowls, and finally, use a whisk to mix them.”
Imposing Ideas on Children
Parents’ desires for their children often stem from love and the wish for their success. However, this can sometimes become an invisible burden, making children feel restricted. Over time, this can lead to children losing their opportunity to think and act independently, creating tension in the family dynamic. When parents fail to recognize that each child has unique interests, passions, and abilities, children may feel disrespected and eventually become discouraged.
For instance, believing that dancing will make their child more confident, parents may decide to enroll them in dance classes against their wishes. Although the intention is good, this imposition takes away the child’s agency over their life decisions. Such behaviors limit children’s thinking, hindering their development. They may become reluctant to explore, experiment, and develop personal interests, choosing instead to do what their parents expect of them. This not only affects personal development but can also lead to serious psychological issues such as anxiety, lack of confidence, and depression.
Children may become reluctant to explore and develop personal interests.
Pressuring Children to Do Things Beyond Their Abilities
Many parents put pressure on their children, hoping they will develop quickly and achieve success early on. However, this can lead to stagnation in their development. For instance, when children start school, if they are forced to recognize letters, count numbers, or even write before they are ready, their enthusiasm and love for learning may be affected. At an age when they should be playing and exploring, being pushed to do things beyond their abilities will only decrease their confidence and comfort in learning.
Putting children in situations they are not prepared for creates immense pressure, leading to a sense of failure and inadequacy. To build their confidence, it is essential to provide opportunities for them to take on tasks suited to their abilities. When they accomplish these tasks, no matter how small, they will feel proud and recognize their self-worth.
Encourage them to take on slightly more challenging tasks, such as simple cooking activities like mixing dough or peeling fruits. Through these experiences, children will feel joy and excitement as they witness the results of their efforts.
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“Just Five More Minutes, Mom!” — 3 Life-Changing Responses From Mom
1. “Absolutely, honey. But remember, we can always find more time for fun if we prioritize and manage our tasks efficiently. Let’s work together to make the most of our day, and we’ll squeeze in some extra playtime too!”
2. “I understand the desire to keep playing, dear. However, sometimes we have to embrace the discipline of delaying gratification. Let’s set a specific time for more play, and in the meantime, let’s focus on the joy of anticipation!”
3. “You know what, sweetie? I think we can make that happen! Let’s set a timer for those extra few minutes. That way, you get a little more playtime, and you also learn about time management and the value of every minute.”
Our expert statisticians have found that there are three common responses from mothers when their children ask, “Mom, can I play a little longer?”
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