Don’t Say These 3 Things to Your Child if You Want Them to Grow up Successful and Happy

The words spoken by parents have a profound impact on a child's psyche, and can be words that stick in their head for a lifetime. So, parents, please try not to let your words slip.


EQ is the emotional intelligence quotient that reflects the creativity and behavior of a person. Nowadays, EQ is highly valued because it is related to relationships and creativity. Modern parents not only focus on IQ, but also pay special attention to EQ. Businesses, recruiters, and partners also prioritize EQ. Famous individuals maintain their likeable image through high EQ.

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To develop EQ in children, parents need to communicate with their children by promoting connection and independence. Both of these aspects are important if you want to build a strong, healthy, and empathetic relationship with your child. Parents should remember to never use the following three phrases with their children:

Don’t say, “Why aren’t you trying to study?”

Many children may struggle to meet their parents’ academic expectations. Instead of blaming them, consider why they are struggling. They may want to, but they can’t. This means that they have the motivation but are unable to handle it. Blaming them won’t help you and your child solve the problem, but only add negativity to the relationship. Find a connection point between you and your child to motivate them. For example, if you see your child more interested in playing than studying, don’t immediately say, “Why don’t you focus on reading?”. Instead, it is better to ask an open-ended question such as “I see that you are interested in this subject, let me know what you like about it.” After sharing a close connection with each other, we can slowly address the difficulties in studying. To some extent, when you discover that your child is weak in academic abilities but strong in other areas, it is necessary to redirect stimulation towards their strengths in order to promote their development.

Don’t yell, “Why don’t you listen to what I say?”

According to Dr. Julia DiGang, a psychologist and author of “Energy Growth: Neuroscience of Emotional Leadership”, the real issue here is that parents haven’t listened to the needs of their children. Children have autonomous brains and explore the world. When disagreements occur, instead of asking them in an accusatory manner, turn it around and say, “I wonder if I have truly listened to and understood you?” Your child will then tell you things about themselves that you didn’t know. Parents with high EQ don’t demand that their children comply with their wishes, but always create a connection with their children to address the situation accordingly. Sometimes, it is us who are not listening to our children and don’t understand their problems. We demand compliance from our children and that’s why we blame them.

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Don’t pin on your child’s head, “You lack respect for your parents!”

Children sometimes don’t perform according to our expectations and don’t complete what we expect of them, so we often blame them and feel that they don’t respect adults because they don’t listen and don’t do as we tell them. However, it’s not entirely true. Instead of blaming, acknowledge your child and express that you understand their efforts but it’s not perfect. Ask them to share more about it. This way, your child will express many things to help you understand their current situation.

In children, there is stress due to their psychological age and difficulties. So when there are negative expressions, don’t immediately suppress your child by telling them to be quiet and calm down. We need to control our own emotions first, and then slowly help our child. Being a parent is not about judging our children, but encouraging them to express themselves so that we can resolve everything.

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