Parenting Mistakes: Choosing Material Wealth Over True Love Leaves Children Poor in Spirit, Leading to Failure

There are parents who constantly weigh down their child's spirit with the refrain "our family is so poor", but there are also parents who strive to borrow money just so their child can keep up with material possessions through friends. Which is the best way for a child?

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Parents’ wish is for their children to have the best things in life. However, being overly indulgent and going beyond one’s means to provide for a child is a misguided form of love.

Don’t make your child suffer, but don’t give them more than you have

Some parents constantly remind their children how poor the family is, that they don’t have things, and that they are inferior to their peers in order to teach them the value of saving and to deny their desires. This makes the child feel insecure among their friends.

On the other hand, there are parents who, despite not having financial means, try to show off and provide for their children at the expense of their neighbors. Many parents endure hardships to make their children happy, even borrowing money to buy them things.

All of these acts of love lead to mistakes. A self-conscious child cannot grow up to be optimistic and happy, and children always feel insecure and inadequate, always limiting themselves and their families. A child who doesn’t understand the family’s capabilities and thinks only of themselves will enjoy a comfortable life while their parents struggle, without understanding what is genuine and what is false. They believe that no matter how poor they are, they must show off to their peers. The sacrifice and indulgence of parents sometimes results in children who don’t understand the value of things, who always compare themselves to their friends, and who don’t develop inner strength. These children, when faced with difficulties, cannot cope, or when their parents can no longer provide for them, they blame and demand, sometimes blaming their parents for their humble origins that prevent them from being equal to their friends. Furthermore, many children have delusions about their families. Wealthy children who are brought up with a strong foundation are provided for, but they don’t require everything and it’s not easy for them to have everything. They see how their parents work hard and sacrifice, not just enjoy life. Meanwhile, only wealthy families give unconditional support and provide everything for their children.

Don’t be rich, nurture your child in a non-rich way

Equipping your child with material things is one thing, but how you speak about material things is another. And in that regard, how you speak about material possessions is crucial, as it has a greater impact on a child’s perception.

Don’t let your child feel inadequate because of your poverty: Instead of saying how poor you are and constantly complaining about not having money, say things like “There are more important things in life, and we need to prioritize what needs to be done first. Mommy hasn’t bought that because this is more important, my dear,” “No, we’re not poor, but we need to spend our money wisely,” “Mommy finds that toy very interesting, but let’s not buy it for now. Instead, let’s use the money to buy you new clothes, and with the remaining amount, we can buy a gift for your grandparents this weekend, which would be more meaningful”… This way, the child won’t be obsessed with scarcity but instead will be impressed by how money is spent meaningfully. And instead of demanding, the child will learn how to care and show love. Parents need to help children distinguish between what is necessary and what is an upgrade, especially if the child asks for expensive gifts. Specifically, remember the principle of “not giving your child more than they can handle.”

Always provide your child with a positive way to solve problems beyond finance: Money is important, but if you help your child understand that the worst impasse isn’t because of a lack of money, then their life will always be radiant. Make your child see that there are enjoyable and fulfilling things that do not necessarily require a lot of money. For example, if your child asks for an expensive toy that you can’t afford, provide them with an alternative and fun way to experience joy. It could be a family trip to the countryside to catch crabs and fish, or it could be sitting together making toys out of leaves and tree bark…

Always provide your child with the minimum level: Don’t take advantage of your child’s acceptance and ignore their essential needs. Once your child is old enough to understand, you should recognize that their knowledge needs to be nurtured. Don’t be overly restrictive with your child. Always provide them with the necessary things. Because if they feel deprived, they will endure, and when they cross the threshold, they will be easily lured by external temptations.

The poorer you are, the more you need to show your child the love of family: Many financially struggling families focus solely on making money and neglect their children, thinking they must first fill their pockets. This is also the parents’ misery. But take a step back and look calmly at the situation. If you are too focused on making money and neglect building an emotional connection with your child, and you only start showing affection when you have a little extra money, then what’s the point? Therefore, in times of difficulty, it is even more important to nurture love so that your child feels warmth in the family. Set aside some time for your child to discover their strengths and praise them more. If your child has difficulty with something, you should always be ready to help them. This way, the child will become more confident. The love and emotional connection within the family nurture the child’s spirit in compensation for their material needs. If you lack both financial and emotional support in your family, it is easy to understand why your children may become spoiled.

Your child’s success does not solely depend on the family’s finances

It’s true that when parents have a good relationship, a strong foundation, and financial support, their children have a solid base for success. This can shorten the time it takes for them to succeed. However, a child’s success in life does not solely depend on their parents’ financial capabilities. Many wealthy children go on to become successful and pass that success down through generations. However, many families gradually decline, and many families are only rich for one generation. This suggests that the foundation of intellectual education and development of character and resilience is more important than the financial ability parents leave for their children. Therefore, if you are unfortunate enough to lack financial strength, remember that a good educational foundation is extremely important. If you believe that your child will be poor simply because you are poor, it will be difficult to instill in them the determination to succeed. If you believe that success can only be achieved by showing off, your child will learn how to show off without developing their true inner strength.

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