It is common for parents to say something along the lines of, “If you don’t do well in school, you’ll end up selling lottery tickets or scavenging for recyclables…” Such remarks, whether intentional or not, can be hurtful to children and affect their mental well-being.
Parental criticism, especially during sensitive developmental stages, can lead to low self-esteem and despair. Children may feel they are not good enough or valuable, which can result in a lack of motivation towards their studies.
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Every child has unique strengths. Instead of solely focusing on academic results, parents should assess their children’s abilities, interests, and passions more comprehensively. Encouraging children to pursue their passions will boost their confidence and motivation.
The statement, “If you don’t do well, you’ll end up selling lottery tickets,” also reflects a narrow mindset about success in life. In reality, many successful leaders and entrepreneurs attribute their achievements not only to academic performance but also to their life skills, perseverance, and adaptability.
Renowned psychologist Quang Thi Mong Chi shares insightful advice for parents on choosing suitable parenting methods and guiding children to develop healthy personalities.
Dear expert, many parents unintentionally blurt out hurtful words like, “If you don’t study hard, you’ll end up selling lottery tickets.” Can this create limiting beliefs in a child’s consciousness? If so, how might this manifest?
The statement, “If you don’t study hard, you’ll end up selling lottery tickets,” may evoke images of children selling lottery tickets in tattered clothes under the scorching sun or pouring rain. Parents use this statement to encourage their children to work hard and avoid a life of hardship.
However, it may lead to a negative perception of lottery ticket sellers and other similar professions. It could foster contempt or fear towards these occupations and the individuals engaged in them.
Additionally, some children who struggle academically, despite their best efforts, may feel restricted in their career choices. They might internalize the belief that their only option is to sell lottery tickets, which is detrimental to their self-perception and career development.
What are the long-term effects of such statements on a child’s attitude towards learning and future career choices?
Too much of anything, even well-intentioned advice, can have negative consequences. Constantly hearing these messages can make children feel pressured and develop a fear or dislike for selling lottery tickets or similar professions. They may even resent their parents for not recognizing their efforts.
Alternatively, some children may become desensitized and tune out these comments. Regardless, such influences can hinder their motivation, attitude, and future career decisions.
What effective methods can parents use to convey their expectations without placing undue pressure on their children or making them feel inadequate?
Parents should focus on their self-improvement and confidence-building. Through sharing their aspirations, commenting on others’ achievements, and offering encouragement and guidance, parents implicitly communicate their expectations.
Additionally, parents should empower their children to explore and discover their passions. They should be supportive and ready to provide emotional support when their children encounter challenges. This approach helps children set goals without feeling overwhelmed by parental expectations.
When children feel assured of their parents’ presence and support, they are more likely to take risks, embrace new experiences, and develop the confidence to pursue their dreams.
What can parents do to help their children regain motivation and passion for learning if they have been demotivated by hurtful comments?
Parents should analyze the context of such hurtful comments, explain their meaning, and discuss exceptions to the rule. For instance, parents can say, “When we say, ‘If you don’t study hard, you’ll end up selling lottery tickets,’ it’s because we want you to understand the importance of education.”
Furthermore, explain that a lack of knowledge and skills can limit career options to simple, low-paying jobs. Ask your child if they want to pursue a career with such income potential. If they are trying their best but not achieving the desired results, offer to help them identify and address the issues hindering their academic success.
Assure your child that if they find studying too challenging, there are alternative paths to consider. There are numerous career options beyond academic performance that offer better income opportunities. Encourage your child to share their dreams and aspirations with you.
In summary, parents should foster an environment where children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and aspirations. Help them set realistic goals and create a plan that aligns with their passions and abilities, rather than solely focusing on parental expectations.
