Many parents are perplexed as to why their well-behaved child suddenly loses their temper. In reality, these “rebellious” children often lack the flexibility to solve problems and tend to be irritable and restless.
Anger is a signal that your child needs help and wants to tell you three hidden things
Losing temper due to feeling disappointed
In fact, adults also easily lose their temper when they are disappointed. For example, being criticized by your boss before leaving work, buying something online that doesn’t meet your expectations…, and sometimes we even take it out on our loved ones.
But in most cases, an adult’s rationality will restrain their emotions and impulsiveness and prevent them from getting out of control.
However, children are completely different. Their emotional development is a long-term process, and they may not be able to fully control their emotions until they become adults. Children’s emotional development is related to the immaturity of the frontal lobe, which does not fully mature until the age of 20.
Therefore, children’s ability to restrain their anger is very limited. When they lose their temper, it is because they temporarily cannot solve the problems at hand.
Looking at it from this perspective, children who lose their temper also feel a sense of “helplessness” inside.
Losing temper because unable to explain the problem clearly
Why do children’s tantrums cause so many headaches for adults?
Because parents find it difficult to understand the child’s true needs from all the emotions they are experiencing.
Since children have not yet caught up with their language development, especially the basic vocabulary to express their own emotions, problems, and thoughts in an organized manner, they often resort to acting out.
Language development is an important factor influencing one’s emotional capacity.
Therefore, when children “rebel”, they sometimes cannot explain the problem in an organized manner.
Losing temper due to helplessness
According to psychology, when a person loses their temper, it is a reaction to a sense of helplessness. It is a disguised cry for help, a signal sent to those around them to attract attention and care.
Negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, or disappointment often arise when we feel unable to control a situation. This is especially true for children, who have not yet fully developed their cognitive and emotional management abilities.
When a child is in this state, they are sometimes sending a signal for help: “I’m having a hard time, please help me.” Behaviors such as crying, shouting, or even getting angry can be the child’s way of expressing their helplessness and longing for support.
Children often lack the ability to clearly express what they are feeling. When faced with pressure from school, peers, or even changes in the family, they may feel overwhelmed and not know how to cope. Therefore, their intense display of emotions is their way of attracting the attention of their parents and those around them.
If parents recognize this and respond sensitively, the child will feel supported and safer.
How to deal with a child’s anger?
Understanding
It is normal for a child to become emotional.
The easiest thing to do is to sit down and hug the child who is having an emotional breakdown.
Or, instead of making any comments, simply repeat what the child has said.
For example, if the child loses their temper because they are not allowed to have junk food, the parent can say:
“Do you think you really like that junk food?”
“I know you’re sad because you couldn’t have that junk food.”
Use language that the child understands to describe their emotions, and then observe their reaction.
This repetition, which seems futile, is actually much more effective than saying, “Don’t cry.”
Accepting their temperament does not mean accepting their behavior
When some children lose their temper, they not only cry but also throw things, hit people, or even hurt themselves.
These behaviors are usually a sign that the child is feeling overwhelmed and does not know how to deal with the intense emotions they are experiencing. For the child, these actions may be a way to attract attention or simply a natural reaction to disappointment and pressure.
To cope with this situation, parents need to intervene immediately, stop any dangerous behaviors, and take the child to a safe place. In a quiet space, parents can help the child calm down, recognize, and understand the emotions they are going through.
The attitude that parents really need to convey is: “It’s okay to feel sad, angry, scared… There is no right or wrong way to feel these emotions, but the behavior is not acceptable.”
This helps the child feel accepted and encourages them to express their emotions truthfully without fear of judgment.
When children understand that their emotions are completely normal, it will be easier for them to face and deal with them in the future.
Tolerance and understanding are very important for a child’s development. When children feel loved and accepted even in difficult moments, they will learn to manage their emotions better.
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