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The Proposal Ceremony and its Traditions in Northern Vietnam

The engagement ceremony marks the first meeting between the two families. While it may be a simple affair, these rituals are an important part of the wedding process. Let's delve into these traditions and explore their significance!

Administrator

7 August, 2024

Vietnam is a country with 54 ethnic groups, and as such, engagement customs vary across regions. Let’s explore the engagement customs and procedures of Northern Vietnam with Bach Hoa Xanh!

1What is an Engagement Ceremony in Northern Vietnam?

What is an Engagement Day?

An engagement ceremony is a traditional ritual in Vietnamese weddings. This procedure affirms the couple’s marital status before both families.

Engagement is the first meeting between the two families

What is the Significance of an Engagement Day?

The engagement ceremony is the official meeting of both families. The groom’s family brings gifts to the bride’s family to introduce the couple and seek permission for them to court properly before considering marriage.

The couple is officially allowed to court

2What Preparations are Needed for an Engagement Ceremony in Northern Vietnam?

Preparing the Timing

For a smooth and meaningful engagement ceremony, timing is crucial for both families to choose an auspicious day and a convenient time.

Time is needed to fully prepare for the engagement ceremony

Typically, engagement ceremonies are held on weekends or holidays. Additionally, the bride and groom should allocate time to learn about each other’s family routines and customs to ensure proper etiquette and foster stronger family bonds.

Preparing the Venue

To show respect to the groom’s family, the bride’s family should choose a suitable and spacious venue to welcome their guests.

The main house is the most appropriate venue

Usually, the bride’s family repaints and thoroughly cleans the house, decorating it beautifully to make a good first impression.

Preparing Attire

On the engagement day, the bride and groom need not wear formal gowns or suits; simple yet neat and tidy outfits are sufficient.

Here are some clothing suggestions for the occasion:

For the Groom: A white shirt and trousers will convey elegance and sophistication.

Grooms look dashing in white shirts

For the Bride: Consider wearing elegant ao dai (traditional Vietnamese dress) or dresses of modest length to signify the solemnity of the occasion, or opt for suitable trousers.

Additionally, light makeup is recommended to look refreshed and avoid appearing bare-faced when receiving guests.

Brides look lovely in ao dai during the engagement ceremony

For the Groom’s Family: As representatives bringing gifts to the bride’s family, their attire should be formal and respectful. Suggested outfits include suits, trousers, ties, or traditional ao dai.

For the Bride’s Family: To show respect to the groom’s family, the bride’s family should also dress neatly and tastefully. Recommended attire includes trousers, shirts, elegant dresses, or traditional ao dai.

Preparing Food

The primary purpose of the engagement ceremony is for both families to meet and connect, so there’s no need for an extravagant feast, but it shouldn’t be too simple either.

The groom’s family will appreciate the bride’s family’s hospitality through the meal

This will reflect and showcase the bride’s family’s customs and habits. Finally, prepare a pot of tea and some light snacks for both families to enjoy while conversing.

Preparing Engagement Gifts

According to Vietnamese tradition, “a betel and areca nut offering opens the conversation.” Thus, betel and areca nuts are essential in an engagement ceremony, symbolizing fidelity and the promise between the two families.

Number of Attendees

The groom’s party includes the groom, his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and close relatives, totaling around 5 to 7 people.

Betel and areca nuts are significant gifts

Other gifts may include tea sets and fruit trays. Note that all gifts must be prepared in even numbers.

If the groom’s family faces challenges in preparing the gifts, they can contact wedding studios for assistance.

3Sequence of the Engagement Ceremony

First, the groom’s family brings the gifts to the bride’s family and introduces all the attendees. Then, a representative from the groom’s family expresses the purpose and significance of the ceremony.

Next, the bride’s mother presents the engagement tray. Following this, the groom’s family seeks permission for the couple to court properly before marriage.

The groom’s family presents gifts to the bride’s family

After the groom’s family’s speech, a representative from the bride’s family expresses gratitude and accepts the gifts. Subsequently, the bride’s parents offer the gifts to their ancestors at the family altar.

Meanwhile, the couple also pays respect to the ancestors, praying for their blessings and witnessing their happiness.

The couple offers incense to the ancestors

Finally, both families discuss and agree on the wedding date, location, and gifts for the wedding proposal.

In summary, the engagement ceremony in Northern Vietnam is relatively simple and swift, typically concluding within an hour.

The bride serves tea to both families

4Important Notes

If the bride’s or groom’s parents have passed away, close relatives such as aunts, uncles, or older cousins can represent the family.

Be cautious to avoid breaking or knocking over objects during the ceremony, as it is considered a bad omen bringing misfortune.

It is also inadvisable to involve individuals currently in mourning in the engagement ceremony.

Frequently asked questions

The proposal ceremony is a traditional ritual in Northern Vietnam where a man proposes to a woman, seeking her hand in marriage. The ceremony is a formal and respectful affair, involving the exchange of betrothal gifts and the presence of both families. The man’s family will prepare gifts, including betrothal money, cakes, and fruits, and visit the woman’s family to officially propose. If the woman’s family accepts, they will return a portion of the gifts, symbolizing their agreement to the marriage.

The ‘middleman’ or the ‘媒人’ (mai nhân) plays a crucial role in the proposal ceremony. He is usually an elderly man, respected by both families, and acts as a mediator and facilitator of the marriage. He is responsible for initiating the proposal by visiting the woman’s family and presenting the man’s intentions and gifts. He also acts as a witness and helps ensure the ceremony runs smoothly.

During the ceremony, there are several traditions that are followed. The man’s family will bring gifts, including betrothal money, which is given in a specific amount and presented in a red envelope. Cakes and fruits are also offered, symbolizing a sweet and prosperous life for the couple. The woman’s family will then accept the proposal by returning a portion of the gifts, usually half of the betrothal money and some cakes and fruits. They will also offer wine and food to the man’s family, symbolizing their hospitality and agreement to the marriage.

The proposal ceremony reflects the cultural values and traditions of Northern Vietnam, emphasizing respect, family involvement, and formal rituals. It showcases the importance of seeking the blessing of both families and honoring their elders. The exchange of gifts and the presence of a respected middleman also demonstrate the value placed on tradition, harmony, and mutual respect between the two families.

While there may not be a specific dress code, it is customary for those involved in the ceremony to dress formally and respectfully. The man proposing, along with his family members, often wear traditional Vietnamese attire or formal clothing. Similarly, the woman and her family members also dress formally, often donning áo dài, which is a traditional Vietnamese garment.