It’s not uncommon for parents to react critically when their children’s academic performance falls short of expectations. However, this behavior can create unnecessary psychological pressure for the child. To alleviate worry and fear, some parents choose to encourage their children with phrases like, “It’s okay.” But if repeated, this style of consolation can lead to a sense of dependency or cause the child to focus even more on their shortcomings.
Daniel Wegener, a social psychologist at Harvard, conducted an interesting experiment: when instructing participants not to think about a “white bear,” the result was that they couldn’t stop thinking about it. This white bear effect once again proves that prohibiting something tends to draw more attention to it. In education, if you want your child to not worry about pressure, they are more likely to become concerned about it.
Psychologists suggest that parents employ alternative methods to support their children. Instead of merely offering words of comfort, find ways to promote perseverance and motivation. This will not only help the child feel more relaxed but also foster a progressive spirit in their studies.
Psychologists recommend that parents use different methods to support their children
“In which areas of this test do you feel you performed the best?”
This question not only gives the child a sense of agency but also encourages them to bravely face their failures. Even if the results are not as expected, reviewing their performance will help them realize that there are still aspects they can excel at appropriately.
Additionally, each child has a unique learning style – some may excel in certain subjects while struggling in others. Encouraging children to share the parts of the test they felt confident about will help restore their self-belief. When children can identify their strengths, such as writing skills or logical thinking in mathematics, they will recognize that “I, too, have many things to be proud of.”
Furthermore, you can ask the child about the reasons they felt stronger in those areas. This will help them understand that achievements result not only from luck but also from their efforts, memory, and diligent revision. Reminding children of these effective strategies will enable them to apply them to their weaker areas for improvement in subsequent tests.
Thus, instead of feeling pressured by their mistakes or shortcomings, they will focus on “how to improve in the future.”
You can also ask children about why they felt stronger in certain test areas
“What are your weaknesses that need improvement?”
In addition to helping children regain their confidence and develop their strengths, parents must also address their weaknesses. Instead of judging, analyze the imperfections objectively together. While scores are not the sole measure of a child’s ability, they provide valuable information about areas that need improvement and the reasons behind them, thus helping the child gain a clearer understanding of their weaknesses and adjust their learning methods accordingly.
Once the child recognizes the issues and the areas that need work, offer words of encouragement. In their development and learning journey, children need guidance and motivation from their parents. When parents patiently guide and model the steps, children will feel more confident in their ability to overcome problems in the future.
“Remember to always keep a calm mind.”
Cultivating a strong mindset is crucial in the learning journey and exams. Many students may perform exceptionally well and display intelligence in their daily activities, but when it comes to important exams, their performance may become inconsistent, missing out on valuable opportunities. The reason is often self-imposed or family pressure, with an excessive focus on scores and outcomes, leading to a fear of failure and unexpected results. However, this worry and tension typically result in negative impacts, further diminishing exam performance.
As parents, we should prioritize our children’s learning and knowledge acquisition rather than solely focusing on grades. Only by creating a learning motivation and igniting their passion for discovery can our children develop sustainably in their studies.
Therefore, parents should patiently communicate with their children, helping them understand that exams are not destiny-deciding events but rather opportunities to review and evaluate their learning. Maintaining a calm mindset and approaching exams with a relaxed attitude will enable children to achieve better scores.
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