A renowned educator shared a “magical formula” to help children develop self-discipline and a diligent study habit, gradually improving their academic performance.
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Establish “Fairy Tale Laws”
When setting rules, it is advisable to discuss them with your child. For instance, instead of saying, “You can only watch TV for 30 minutes daily”, find time to have a conversation with your child: “Dear, we need to think about how to watch TV without delaying your studies. You can watch it happily but not for too long. What do you think?” This approach makes children feel that they have a say and are more in control of their time management.
If your child responds with “I think I can watch for a while before doing my homework”, ask them: “How long would be appropriate?” By allowing them to make decisions, you are creating opportunities for them to take responsibility and make choices. If they participate in setting the rules, they are more likely to abide by them as there is agreement.
Furthermore, the rules should be simple, clear, and consistent. For example: “After finishing your homework, you must tidy up your school bag and wipe the desk.” Rules that are too complex or a long list that children cannot remember will lead to confusion and frustration.
Once the rules are established, there should be no room for procrastination. For instance, if your child promised to watch TV for only 30 minutes after finishing their homework but failed to keep their word, you must stand firm. Gently remind them: “Dear, the agreed 30 minutes is up, and we have to start on your homework now.” This teaches children that rules are meant to be respected and there are no exceptions.
Additionally, another crucial aspect is consistency in enforcing the rules. If parents break the rules themselves, such as watching TV while telling their children not to, it creates a conflict.
It is also essential to regularly review and adjust the rules as needed. As children grow up or situations change, parents should discuss and modify the rules to fit their children’s developmental stage and needs.
Offer “Sweet Rewards”
Rewards should not be given arbitrarily; instead, pay attention to the method. If your child behaves well, refrain from immediately rewarding them with money or expensive toys. First, try to understand what they truly desire. Some children enjoy watching movies, while others prefer going to the park on weekends. By understanding their preferences, rewards can be used effectively.
For example, if your child finishes their homework on time every day, you can say: “Dear, you’ve been quick and diligent with your homework this week. How about we watch that cartoon you like on Saturday?” This type of reward is linked to their effort, teaching them that hard work pays off.
However, rewards should not be too frequent or easily attainable. If a child sweeps the floor today and is rewarded with a valuable toy, they will expect a bigger reward tomorrow and may not be willing to put in smaller efforts.
Rewards should be something children can earn after a period of diligent behavior, making them appreciate and work towards it.
Be a “Super Model” Parent
Children observe and emulate their parents. If you spend hours on your phone daily while expecting your child to study independently, they will likely feel resentful: “You can play with your phone, why can’t I?”. This creates a perception of unfairness regarding discipline. Therefore, to discipline your child, you must first discipline yourself.
For instance, after dinner, instead of lounging on the sofa and watching a movie, engage in more constructive activities such as working, reading, or acquiring new knowledge. When children see your diligence and passion for learning, they will understand the value of self-improvement.
Another example is if you promise to take your child to the park on the weekend but easily cancel later, they will feel disappointed and lose trust in your promises. This erodes their faith and conveys that keeping promises is not important.
Your self-discipline is the best textbook for your children. You don’t need to remind them every day; your actions and habits will be their guide.
Give Children Their “Exclusive Little World”
Children should have their own space to arrange freely. For example, set up a small study area where they can decide how to place the desk, bookshelf, and wall decorations. In this little world, they feel a sense of ownership and responsibility.
Guide them to create a study plan, stick a timetable on the wall indicating study and break times. This fosters self-reliance, time management skills, and self-discipline.
Moreover, children can comfortably study and explore in their exclusive little world.
Set “Small Goals” for Your Child
Goals should not be overly ambitious; instead, break them down into manageable steps. Setting enormous goals can overwhelm and discourage children. For instance, if your child struggles with math, don’t expect them to “Score 9 points or higher on the upcoming test”. This goal is unrealistic and may diminish their confidence.
Instead, set smaller, more achievable goals. For example, suggest: “This week, let’s review and correct your mistakes, and then practice five more math exercises.” These smaller goals motivate children and encourage gradual progress.
Break down larger goals into smaller, achievable milestones and regularly check their progress. This helps children understand the learning process and provides opportunities to discuss any difficulties they encounter.
If they perform well, don’t forget to encourage them: “You’ve been sticking to the plan and correcting your mistakes. Keep up the good work!”
If they fail to meet their goal, find out why. Perhaps the task was too challenging, or time management could be improved. Instead of criticizing, adjust the plan and start again with smaller steps.
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