Emotional regulation is an essential aspect of a child’s development. However, many parents often find themselves trapped in a cycle of shouting and yelling when faced with their child’s emotional outbursts. This unintentionally leads to the child losing their ability to regulate their own emotions.
In reality, parents can help enhance their child’s emotional intelligence (EQ) and teach them emotion regulation skills through simple yet highly effective methods. Here are some useful phrases that parents can use to help their children manage their emotions without resorting to scolding.
“I understand you’re feeling angry/sad/scared, and I’m here for you.”
This statement conveys empathy and understanding towards the child’s negative emotions. When children feel that their parents are willing to listen and accept their feelings, they will feel safer and gradually calm down.
For example, if a child is crying over a broken toy, instead of scolding, a parent can gently hug them and say, “I know you’re sad about your toy, and I’m here to listen whenever you need me.”
“It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to act like this (specify inappropriate behavior).”
Children may react negatively when triggered, such as throwing objects or hitting a friend. In such cases, parents need to help their children understand that all emotions are valid, but behaviors have boundaries.
For instance, if a child hits a friend during a toy dispute, say, “I know you really wanted that toy, and it’s normal to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hit. Let’s find another way to solve this, okay?”
Children may react negatively when triggered, such as throwing objects or lashing out.
“What do you think would make you feel better?”
Encouraging children to take the initiative in finding ways to regulate their emotions will help them develop problem-solving skills. When children feel sad or disappointed, ask them about ways to improve their mood.
For example, if a child is sad after an argument with a friend, a parent could ask, “You’re feeling down after the disagreement, aren’t you? What do you think could make you feel better?”
“Let’s take a few deep breaths together.”
Deep breathing is a simple yet powerful technique for emotion regulation. When a child is agitated, guide them through a few deep breaths to calm down.
For instance, when a child is angry, a parent can say, “Let’s take a deep breath together, and then slowly breathe out.” After a few rounds, the child will gradually regain their calm.
“Let’s work together to find a solution.”
Sometimes, children get angry or sad because they don’t know how to handle a difficult situation. Instead of ignoring their feelings or imposing a solution, parents can collaborate with their children to find a resolution.
For example, if a child is disappointed with a low test score, say, “We understand your disappointment with the result. Let’s figure out what went wrong and improve for next time!”
Children sometimes struggle with knowing how to handle difficult situations.
“Look, you’ve calmed down, that’s wonderful!”
When children successfully regulate their emotions, parents should offer praise to encourage this positive behavior. This motivates children to continue practicing emotional self-regulation in future situations.
For instance, if a child initially fidgets impatiently in a line but eventually stands still, a parent can say, “Look at you, standing still and waiting so patiently! I’m proud of you!”
“Your parents went through this too, and here’s what they did…”
Sharing personal experiences will help children feel understood and learn to cope with their emotions in a more mature way.
For example, if a child is anxious about an exam, a parent could say, “When I was your age, I used to feel the same way. But I focused on studying and tried my best, and eventually, I did well.”
Other helpful tips to support children in managing their emotions:
Emotion journaling: Help children identify and express their feelings through writing.
Emotion cards: When a child’s mood changes, ask them to choose a card that represents their current emotion.
Create a “calm corner”: Designate a small space with favorite toys or books where children can go to calm down.
Read books or tell stories about emotions: Stories help children understand emotions and how to manage them effectively.
Emotion regulation is a skill that takes time to develop, and even adults struggle with it at times. Therefore, parents need to be patient, understanding, and loving mentors for their children as they navigate this journey together. When children are taught and guided appropriately, they will develop strong emotional intelligence, which will benefit them throughout their lives.
Let’s strive to be compassionate and supportive parents so that our children can flourish in a nurturing and safe environment!
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