But let’s look at it from a different perspective. Is it necessarily a bad thing when children are mischievous, disobedient, and troublemakers?
Take the example of Elon Musk. As a child, he took apart a radio and was labeled a “troubled kid.” Similarly, Jobs took apart electrical devices and was frowned upon for his “recklessness.” However, their curiosity and love for exploration later fueled their creativity and led them to become great innovators. So, sometimes, a little mischief can be good. It all depends on how parents guide their children.
An experienced educator with over 30 years of experience shares three tips to ‘win over’ stubborn children and turn their weaknesses into strengths.
Using games for “conquest” is a hundred times more effective than scolding
From a neuroscientific perspective, urging children to do something often activates a fear response in their brains, leading to a “hesitation-self-blame-further delay” cycle. When children feel pressured or threatened, their brains release cortisol, the stress hormone, making them anxious and unable to focus on the task at hand.
For mischievous children, parents can use games to conquer daily challenges. For instance, instead of a regular alarm clock, use sticker charts and offer “rocket ship medals” for early risers. Collecting five medals could earn them a “space breakfast.” This approach encourages children to wake up early and feel excited and confident about completing their tasks.
Image source: Pinterest.
Another fun example is to create a “snail evolution wall.” Keep track of the time it takes for your child to tie their shoelaces each day. If they beat their previous day’s time by 10 seconds, draw a sprinting snail and cheer them on: “3 minutes yesterday, 2 minutes and 50 seconds today—can you break your record tomorrow?” This kind of encouragement will motivate your child and make them proud of their accomplishments.
The fundamental logic behind these activities is to transform mundane tasks into enjoyable games, thereby triggering the release of “happy dopamine” in the child’s brain.
In the Netherlands, the “Time for Useless Exploration” program allows children to have two hours of free play each week, resulting in a remarkable 58% boost in their creativity.
Relax and nurture a little “leader” who’s not afraid to take risks
A study in China found that children accustomed to being served are 3.7 times more likely to fail in their careers than their independent counterparts. So, how do we foster independence in children growing up in today’s convenient and comfortable environment?
Step one: Create a safe “kitchen island”
Starting at age five, involve your children in the kitchen, beginning with simple tasks like mixing salad. By age seven, they can try frying eggs or preparing simple meals.
More importantly, if something goes wrong, like a burnt cake, display it as a “medal of honor.” This teaches children that failure is part of the learning process and encourages them to keep trying.
Relax and encourage your little “leader” to take risks.
Step two: Change your approach from “I’ll help you” to “What do you think?”
If your child’s toy breaks, resist the urge to fix it immediately. Instead, ask, “What’s wrong with this toy? Let’s be doctors and fix it!” This type of question encourages critical thinking and empowers your child to be a problem solver.
Step three: Issue an “Adventure Card”
This is an intriguing technique used by German parents. Each week, let your child decide on an adventure they’d like to embark on, such as going to buy soy sauce by themselves.
Through these experiments, your child will develop courage. Just like Elon Musk’s mother, who supported her son even when he took apart household appliances, your encouragement will make your child feel safe as they explore new things.
Setting rules doesn’t make you cruel; smart parents use the “traffic light” method
Sometimes, parents can feel extremely frustrated with their children’s behavior. For instance, a five-year-old tearing up a picture book or an eight-year-old biting their parent to get their hands on a gaming device.
Research from Yale University confirms that aggressive behavior in “troubled” children can increase by 4.2 times during adolescence. So, how do you set rules for your children?
Implement a “behavioral traffic light” in the living room
– Green zone: Children can freely express their creativity through drawing or painting.
– Yellow zone: Children must sign a “contract” when using mobile phones, agreeing to time limits and other rules.
– Red zone: Dangerous behaviors like touching electrical outlets are strictly prohibited. Violation results in “time-out.”
Smart parents use the “traffic light” method to set rules.
Consequence-based training
– If your child spills milk, have them clean it up.
– If they don’t do their homework, let them face the consequences and explain it to their teacher.
This is an old Montessori method for children who tend to “pass the buck.” By facing the consequences of their actions, they learn to take responsibility for them.
Hold a family meeting
Every weekend, hold a family meeting to democratically establish household rules and decide on punishments for violations. This approach is more convincing to children than parents imposing rules in a dictatorial manner.
In essence, setting rules is not about imposing restrictions but about providing a safety net. Just like Jobs’ father, who allowed his son to take apart electrical devices as long as he cleaned up afterward. This approach teaches children that freedom and boundaries go hand in hand, fostering a sense of responsibility and encouraging them to think for themselves.
In reality, education is not about pruning branches but about awakening the spring within the seeds. When the right methods are applied, even the most “troubled” children can turn things around and become dark horses. Additionally, parents are encouraged to refrain from scolding and physical punishment when raising their children.
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