A Bitter-Sweet Summer: Navigating the Mother-in-Law’s Unreasonable Demands.

Illustrative image.

Yesterday, before leaving, I prepared everything my child needed and bought some health supplements as gifts for my in-laws. When we arrived, my mother-in-law welcomed us warmly as always. She asked me to freshen up and then join them for a meal she had prepared since early morning.

I was delighted by my mother-in-law’s thoughtful gesture. The dinner was enjoyable, and my brother-in-law’s two children (who live nearby) joined us as well. Later that evening, I spoke to my mother-in-law privately about taking care of my child and gave her 3 million VND to cover the costs of groceries and meals for my son. Initially, I thought that since we were only leaving our child there for a month, this amount would be reasonable. Unexpectedly, when she saw the money, my mother-in-law did not look pleased.

She hesitated for a while before explaining that my brother-in-law’s family was going through financial difficulties, and his parents-in-law were conservative and only valued male grandchildren, so they did not treat their granddaughters well. Therefore, she wanted to invite both of her granddaughters to stay for the summer holidays, as it would be convenient to have them all under her care.

I agreed with her reasoning, thinking that my son would also have more companions to play with. However, what my mother-in-law said next left me feeling uneasy.

“Hương’s family is struggling, so I don’t expect anything from them. But your grandparents are old and don’t have a pension. The daily meals for all three children will be expensive…”

Of course, I understood her hint. So, I gave her the remaining 2 million VND that I had set aside for emergencies. I explained that I didn’t have much cash on hand, so that was all I could give her for now.

I thought that would be the end of it, but my mother-in-law continued to complain about various things they needed and asked me to go to the supermarket the next morning to buy them. She also requested that I purchase new clothes for the granddaughters since their old ones looked worn out.

I was taken aback by her requests. It’s not that I begrudge spending money on my in-laws, but this is not the first time my mother-in-law has asked me to “conveniently” buy things for my brother-in-law’s family. On numerous occasions when we went shopping together, she would pick extra items, saying they were “for Hương’s family.” Many of the household items I bought for my in-laws from the city eventually found their way to my brother-in-law’s house.

Last Mid-Autumn Festival, I brought some delicious mooncakes for my in-laws to offer to our ancestors, but my mother-in-law kept one box, saying it was “for Hương’s family.” She explained that she was concerned they might not be able to afford mooncakes for their grandchildren.

While I don’t mind sharing, these repeated instances have made me feel uncomfortable. This time, the total bill for the items my mother-in-law asked me to buy, including new clothes for the granddaughters, amounted to almost 3 million VND, which is not a small sum.

I understand that my brother-in-law has his struggles with conservative and patriarchal in-laws. However, their financial situation is not as dire as my mother-in-law portrays it to be. Yet, she always makes me feel responsible for providing for them as well, as if my family is significantly better off.

As a civil servant, I save every dong from my salary to support my child. Now, having to spend money on things I didn’t anticipate, I feel resentful. How can I get my mother-in-law to stop making me feel responsible for providing for my brother-in-law’s family?