## Parents, Be Mindful of Your Words: The Impact of Your Speech on Your Child’s Well-being
“Why can’t you be more like them?” The Comparison Trap
Comparing your child to others is a common but detrimental mistake. Every child has unique abilities, personalities, and development timelines. When parents constantly hold up another child as a mirror, what lingers in your child’s mind is not a sense of encouragement but insecurity and self-doubt. Your child will internalize a sense of inadequacy, always feeling at a loss and not good enough, leading to shyness, reluctance to interact, or engage in activities for fear of being “compared again.”
Alternative approach: You can encourage your child in a gentler and more positive way. For example, “You’ve been working hard, and we see your progress every day,” will instill a sense of recognition and safety, boosting their confidence when facing a crowd.
“You can’t even do this simple thing!” The Public Shaming Effect
This seemingly insignificant phrase can be a heavy psychological blow when uttered in a crowd. When your child is criticized in such a way, especially with a tone of embarrassment, they will likely feel useless and not good enough, carrying that shame with them whenever they make a mistake.
Better approach: Stimulate your child’s initiative with phrases like, “I noticed you’re taking a bit longer; let’s learn from this and try to be quicker next time!” Instead of belittling them, offer solutions and grow together.
“Be quiet! You’re embarrassing me!” The Betrayal Complex
Parental shame is often unconscious, but it can easily hurt children. When your child is reprimanded in public for misbehavior, instead of taking them aside and gently reminding them, parents may choose to scold them loudly or even blame them. This makes children feel betrayed, lose trust, and gradually distance themselves from their parents, who should be their strongest source of support.
Suggested revision: Adjusting from “be quiet” to “can we step aside and talk?” not only saves your child’s face but also maintains the connection between you. Your child will feel respected and safe.
“You’re acting like a child!” The Dismissal of Emotions
Parents often overlook their children’s emotions, dismissing behaviors like whining or sulking as “childish.” However, for children, these are ways of expressing their feelings, and they need empathy, not denial. When parents use negating phrases like “like a child,” children will become more hesitant to express themselves, feeling unworthy of their parents’ understanding.
More refined wording: Instead of judging them as “childish,” say, “You seem upset, and I understand. I get upset sometimes too. Can we talk about it?” This positive redirection demonstrates empathy and a willingness to listen.
“How can you be so stupid?” The Stigma of Learning Struggles
Being a slow learner doesn’t equate to being useless, but when parents label their children as “stupid,” they inadvertently push them into a negative mindset. If this happens in public, children may feel ashamed, pressured, and afraid to try new things. Over time, they may slip into a mild depressive state, becoming discouraged, avoiding school, or withdrawing from social interactions.
Adjusted phrasing: Instead of attacking them, offer learning support: “You’re struggling with this subject? Let’s find ways to learn together—friends, teachers, or daily revision to help you grasp it better.”
Conclusion: Cherish Your Words, Show Love Through Actions
Parents’ unintentional words, especially in public, can sometimes diminish their child’s value and positive image. Children don’t need a stern teacher but a companion who shares, understands, and encourages. Love is an art, and a well-timed word or act of solidarity can build a bridge to your child’s self-confidence, creativity, and belief in themselves.
Be that gentle, steadfast guide so that each day of their growth is a truly happy one.
