How Does the Way Parents Speak Affect Their Children’s IQ & EQ?

Cai Yuanpei emphasized in his work, “The Cultivation of the Chinese People,” that a child’s destiny does not solely depend on academic achievement but primarily on their virtues.

So, how should a correct family education method be formed? Parents are the ones who lay the solid foundation for their children’s lives, contributing to the formation of good qualities, helping children recognize the truth of success, and the value of being a good person.

When the approach to education is changed towards positivity, children will benefit from a warm and loving family environment, which will have a lifelong impact on them.

Success in raising children is closely linked to communication, especially tone and expression. These elements strongly influence children’s emotional intelligence (EQ), intelligence (IQ), character, and overall development.

A Trustworthy Tone

Children often crave trust from adults, so parents need to demonstrate absolute trust when communicating with their offspring.

In reality, children’s potential often exceeds our imagination. When parents show unwavering faith in their children, they will not feel constrained by self-imposed limits. This encourages children to be more confident in overcoming challenges in their development.

For example, if a child expresses a desire to learn how to play badminton, parents can confidently say, “If you study hard and are diligent, you will surely learn how to play.” This statement will boost the child’s confidence and help them understand that only persistence leads to success.

On the contrary, if parents use a sarcastic tone: “Look at how you’re holding the racket. Do you still want to play?” the child will doubt their capabilities.

When parents genuinely trust and encourage their children, the little ones will feel this support, motivating them to maximize their potential. This not only boosts their confidence but also inspires them to overcome any difficulties in their development. Parental trust is invaluable encouragement, unlocking children’s hidden abilities.

A Respectful Tone

From around two to three years old, children start to develop self-awareness, which strengthens as they grow. During this phase, they form their own thoughts and opinions, indicating an emerging consciousness of their power and abilities.

When children express diverse opinions and desires, parents shouldn’t hastily assume that their kids are not focusing or listening. In such cases, parental opposition or disregard for the child’s views can be counterproductive.

For instance, if a mother asks her child to study English, but the child wants to play, the mother’s angry response: “You’re not listening as you grow up. If you don’t work hard, what will you amount to when you grow up?” will only discourage the child from studying.

Instead, the mother could use a respectful tone: “You can play for another five minutes, but after that, it’s time to study English, okay?” This approach makes the child feel heard and respected, increasing the likelihood of acceptance.

When parents listen and understand their children’s thoughts, the little ones feel valued and are more inclined to cooperate. This strengthens the parent-child relationship and fosters the development of independence, confidence, and decision-making skills in children.

A Discussing Tone

To encourage children to take action, mothers can opt for a discussing communication style.

For instance, if a mother wants her child to tidy up scattered toys on the floor, she could say: “Honey, leaving toys everywhere is not a good habit. Can we put the toys away together? Doing so will make our room neater and cleaner.”

This approach makes the child feel respected and an essential part of the family. When treated equally, children are more inclined to cooperate instead of feeling pressured or criticized.

Avoid using a commanding tone like: “Look at this mess! Toys are everywhere. Clean it up now!” This often leads to resentment, leaving the child unhappy even if they obey.

Instead, parents should maintain a comfortable conversation, listen to the child’s opinions, and discuss solutions together. This not only makes the child feel valued but also creates opportunities for family members to understand and support each other.

When children are treated with respect, they gradually develop self-respect and respect for others. This is crucial for their holistic development, encompassing physical, intellectual, and social skill growth.

A Praising Tone

Every child has unique talents and a desire to express themselves. Discovering and valuing these strengths will motivate children to be more creative and confident.

For example, when a child draws a picture, the artwork may not be perfect, but their enthusiasm and diligence are notable. If the mother only gives a mild comment like, “Your drawing is okay, but you need to practice more,” it might disappoint the child and diminish their joy in creating art.

Instead, the mother should acknowledge the child’s efforts with sincere praise: “Today’s picture is better than the last one. The lines and colors blend well. If you keep practicing, I believe your drawings will become even more amazing.” When children feel appreciated for their efforts, they gain motivation and joy in their creative endeavors.

Specific and genuine compliments not only encourage skill development but also make children feel valued. This builds their confidence to express their interests and abilities optimally. This approach helps children discover and strengthen their strengths, guiding them towards becoming confident, creative, and happy individuals.

An Encouraging Tone

When children face setbacks, experts advise that instead of criticizing or blaming, parents should help them learn from their mistakes and encourage them to face similar challenges in the future.

For instance, if a child tries to help their mother carry a bowl of rice and accidentally drops it, saying something like, “Can’t you hold a bowl? You’re so foolish,” could hurt the child’s confidence and determination to attempt new tasks.

Instead, the mother could use an encouraging tone: “It’s okay if you dropped the bowl. Let’s try again, and I’ll show you how to check if it’s too hot before carrying it.” This approach provides practical guidance and boosts the child’s confidence to try again.

Parents need to create a positive growth environment, encouraging children to explore and experiment through fun interactive games. This way, children will have more opportunities to thrive and build a foundation for a higher-quality life in the future.