## Is it Nature or Nurture: Which Side “Determines” Who Your Child Becomes?
For generations, parents have believed that their children’s future lies in their hands – teach them well, and they will succeed. However, according to Professor Danielle Dick, a geneticist at Rutgers University, this belief may not be entirely accurate.
In her book, ‘The Child Code’ (released in June 2024), she asserts that genes have a greater influence than parenting styles on shaping children’s personalities. While her goal is to relieve parents of the burden of expectation, this conclusion has left many confused. Are all the efforts and sacrifices of parents in vain?
Are Parents Teaching their Children, or are the Children Teaching the Parents?
Professor Robert Plomin, a pioneer in psychological genetics research in the UK, has come to a similar conclusion after 50 years of studying: parenting styles only play a limited role in children’s development. What’s more surprising is that numerous studies show that children’s behaviors and emotions are the factors that influence how parents behave.
A survey tracking 1,300 children in nine countries found that the more irritable and anxious the children were, the more likely parents were to react negatively and exert more control, not the other way around. It appears that instead of being the ones “shaping” their children, parents are also being “shaped” by their children’s innate temperaments.
Genes are Not Destiny – They are the Starting Point
This does not mean that parents should give up. On the contrary, understanding genetics is about parenting in the right way – not through coercion or blame.
Genes influence brain structure, which then shapes behavioral tendencies such as extroversion, sensitivity, and self-control. However, these genes are only “activated” when interacting with the environment. Quiet children will avoid crowds, while friendly children will be loved by everyone. This is called the gene-environment correlation.
Understanding Your Child’s Temperament for More Effective Parenting
Professor Danielle suggests that each child is a unique combination of temperaments, and parents should adjust their behavior based on the three factors most influenced by genes:
Extroversion
Extroverted children need more interaction and positive feedback. Less extroverted children require their own space and acceptance of their natural reservedness.
Emotionality
Children who are more anxious and irritable need support in managing their emotions. “Calmer” children need parents to be more sensitive to their subtle cues.
Self-Control
Persistent children are often more successful, but this ability is not fixed – it can be cultivated through role modeling and creating a suitable environment.
Parenting is Not a Race, But a Journey of Accompaniment
There is no one-size-fits-all formula for children. What’s important is not forcing your child to be like someone else’s, but understanding who your child is and helping them develop to their fullest potential within their unique nature.
Like a skilled gardener, you don’t force a tomato plant to bear squash fruit; instead, you help it thrive according to its inherent potential. As parents, we don’t need to be perfect – we just need to understand and be patient enough to “cooperate” with our children’s genes.
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