Stop Telling Your Child to Be Quiet, Say This Phrase Instead and Watch Them Become Smarter

The parenting approach we choose has a significant impact on our children's psychological well-being and development. While the phrase "behave yourself" may temporarily address the situation at hand, it fails to address the underlying issue affecting our child.

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Toddlers at the age of speech development tend to speak a lot. There are several reasons for this: they may have many questions that require answers, they may repeat meaningless phrases, or they may demand attention from their parents through repetitive speech. They also tend to interrupt when adults are talking…

Many parents, due to their busy schedules, find it difficult to cope with their child’s continuous stories and questions, and they may even feel overwhelmed and hindered in their work.

Some parents refuse to answer their child’s questions and brush them off when they ask too many questions that they cannot answer. Some parents, overwhelmed by the situation, may command their child to be quiet. However, this should not be the case.

It is important to understand that if a child speaks a lot because they ask questions, it shows that they are intelligent and curious about the world. It demonstrates that they have a flexible and quick-thinking mind to ask multiple questions. They are seeking support from their parents. Therefore, it is not appropriate to dismiss their questions or assume that they are asking irrelevant questions. Instead, we should find ways to provide appropriate answers to their legitimate questions. If you come across a difficult question that you cannot answer at the moment, you can tell your child that you will answer it later, but remember to eventually provide an answer. Children may not complain immediately, but they will remember if their parents avoid addressing the issue.

If a child speaks a lot because they constantly interrupt adults’ conversations, you should take the time to teach them about manners and help them understand what is appropriate. Do not immediately blame the child or say, “You’re naughty for speaking out of turn.” Instead, use gentle phrases like, “We are having an adult conversation, please wait a moment.” These gentle approaches will not hurt the child and they will comprehend better. On the other hand, if you choose to suppress and silence your child as an adult, the child may not understand why they have to be restricted, making it difficult to bring about change. Parents should lead by example. If your child tends to interrupt or speak over others, when teaching them, try not to interrupt them before they finish speaking or when they are not clear. Even when we are in the middle of a conversation and the child interrupts, instead of pointing fingers and ordering them to be quiet, we should pause our own words, let the child finish speaking, and then kindly explain to them why they should not interrupt.

We need to be patient because it takes time to handle, explain, and listen to our children. But in return, we will have children who understand things, know more, and stimulate their intelligence, instead of trying to eliminate their excessive speech for immediate silence, which may make them hesitant to ask more questions or feel unsupported by their parents.

When you are busy and cannot respond to your child or listen to their stories, you can tell them how long it will take for you to finish your tasks and then listen to them.

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Frequently asked questions

Telling children to be quiet can hinder their development and send the message that their thoughts and opinions are not valued. By encouraging children to speak up in appropriate ways, we empower them to express themselves, build their confidence, and develop their communication and social skills. It also allows us to model and teach them about volume control and appropriate social behavior.

Instead of saying ‘be quiet’, try using phrases like ‘let’s use our indoor voices’, ‘can you show me a quiet voice?’, or ‘can you share your thoughts in a softer tone?’. These phrases still convey the message that the child needs to lower their volume but in a more respectful and encouraging way. It also teaches them about volume control without shutting down their self-expression.

When children are allowed to express themselves and engage in conversations, they develop their critical thinking and communication skills. They learn to articulate their thoughts and ideas, listen to others, and respond appropriately. This process enhances their cognitive abilities, expands their vocabulary, and improves their social and emotional intelligence. It also fosters a love for learning and helps them become more engaged and curious individuals.

Constantly telling a child to be quiet can have negative impacts on their development and well-being. It can lead to low self-esteem, social anxiety, and a fear of expressing themselves. They may become less confident in their abilities and less willing to take risks or try new things. In the long run, it can hinder their academic and social success and affect their overall mental health and happiness.

Parents and caregivers can model appropriate volume control by using a soft and respectful tone themselves. Teach children about indoor and outdoor voices and explain that different situations call for different volumes. Offer positive reinforcement when they remember to use a quiet voice and gently remind them when they need to lower their volume. Most importantly, create a safe and encouraging environment where children feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of being shut down.