The following are five family dynamics that can negatively impact a child’s mental health and potentially lead to depression:
1. Children from families with constant parental conflict:
Kids growing up in an environment where their parents are constantly arguing tend to become sensitive and develop a sense of inadequacy. The quality of the spousal relationship directly impacts the parent-child relationship. Avoiding arguments in front of the children can provide them with a sense of security and invisible strength to boost their confidence.
Children are deeply affected by frequent parental conflicts. (Illustrative image)
2. Neglectful families:
One of the most terrifying experiences for a child is to be neglected by their parents. Compared to children who are frequently criticized or physically disciplined, those who are emotionally neglected suffer a different kind of trauma. Without parental attention and love, children may feel worthless, develop self-hatred, and eventually fall into depression.
3. Emotionally detached families:
This type of parental-child relationship can be more cruel than physical violence. Growing up in such an environment can lead to low self-esteem, a lack of belonging, insecurity, and even depression. It’s important for parents to express their love verbally, as suggested by American psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein: “It’s not enough to love your children. You need to tell them you love them.”
Asian parents often shy away from verbal expressions of love, especially as their children grow older. In the traditional Confucian perspective, actions such as caregiving and providing for the family are seen as more meaningful and practical ways of showing love. However, this can lead to children misunderstanding that their parents don’t love them. Western parents, on the other hand, tend to be more open and vocal about their affections.
If saying “I love you” feels uncomfortable, try expressing it through a note, a drawing, or a letter with the simple message, “Mom/Dad loves you.” This can have a profound impact on a child’s sense of self-worth.
4. Overly controlling families:
We all strive for a sense of autonomy, and children are no different. While parents may tell their children to take responsibility for their studies and lives and to manage themselves well, they often end up micromanaging their homework, after-school activities, and choice of friends. This can lead to children feeling a lack of control and helplessness, which can cause frustration and stress, damaging their relationship with their parents and potentially affecting their mental health in the long run.
Research over the past six decades has consistently shown that children who are given more responsibility tend to have more positive emotions, higher intrinsic motivation, and better behavior regulation. These factors contribute to improved academic performance and career success.
5. Families with extremely high expectations:
In a recent TV show, a 6-year-old boy shared his tightly packed “self-improvement schedule,” arranged by his parents. Since the age of 3, he had been attending various classes for talents and academics, with no days off to rest. While the boy diligently followed the schedule, signs of psychological stress were evident, such as his obsessive-compulsive tendencies and his need to constantly please his parents, even at the expense of his own happiness. He struggled to make friends and missed out on the joys of childhood.
When parents have extremely high expectations, children may feel pressured to constantly please them, leading to a sense of understanding on the surface, but a slowly breaking heart and a growing distance in the family bond.
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