1. “Not putting effort into your studies will lead to regret later in life.”
Instilling fear is one of the least effective ways to motivate your child intrinsically. This can even be detrimental, as it may cause stress and make them want to avoid the situation.
What should parents do instead? Encourage your child with statements like: “You might not be proficient yet, but you’re making progress. You’ve improved so much since the last time.”
Parents should also highlight the positives: “That’s a challenging task. If you keep practicing, I know you can do it…”
Sometimes, parents unintentionally say things that can scare or traumatize their children. (Illustrative image)
2. “You have to listen to your parents because we want what’s best for you.”
As children grow older, they can’t stay under their parents’ protective wings forever. If children believe that their parents’ job is to keep them safe, they may act recklessly.
What should parents do instead? Calmly explain your concerns: “I think that place isn’t good for you, and it worries me…”
Allow your child to make mistakes and learn valuable lessons on their own. Afterward, they will understand the issue. You can also discuss potential dangers with them so they can be aware and stay away from such situations.
3. “I’m punishing you because you need to understand that this behavior is unacceptable.”
While imposing punishments may give parents a sense of control over their children, research shows that it not only damages your relationship with your child but is also an ineffective tool for changing their behavior.
Although your punishment may stop them from acting out in that moment, it doesn’t inspire positive behavior. Instead, the more you threaten, the more likely your child is to lie to you.
What should parents do instead? If your child refuses to listen to your advice, don’t force it upon them. Teaching is only effective when they are receptive to it. Communicate with them respectfully, and they may listen to you at another time.
You can say: “I’m sad, and I know you are too. We’ll talk about this some other time. I believe things will get better…”
Discuss the consequences of their actions and ensure that both parties find common ground in the discussion.
4. “You’re spending too much time on your phone/iPad.”
There is a significant difference between the environments that parents and children grew up in. Therefore, making such statements can be subjective. If you want to help your child manage their screen time, understand that imposing rules will not get you far.
What should parents do instead? Instead of increasing your influence through words, increase it by showing interest in their interests.
Ask your child about the games they play, the books they read… and join them. Then, gently pull them away from the digital world by introducing other hobbies like reading books, going to the library, swimming, etc.
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