According to Dr. Kang Lee, Director of the Institute of Child Study at the University of Toronto, parents shouldn’t be overly concerned if they catch their child lying. He states, “Most children go through a phase of lying. It’s a sign that they’ve reached a new developmental milestone. Children with better cognitive abilities tend to know how to lie.”
Psychologists from the University of Sheffield in the UK conducted an experiment with 135 children and concluded that those who lied displayed more advanced skills than their honest peers. This is because lying requires children to think and recall, thus processing information to make their stories coherent and logical.
In one experiment, children aged 6 to 7 were allowed to peek at the answers during a quiz game. Those who peeked and lied about it displayed better memory retention.
Psychologists from the University of Sheffield conducted this experiment.
Children tend to lie when they anticipate punishment. Dr. Elena Hoicka, from the University of Sheffield’s Department of Psychology, shared with the Telegraph, “Although parents may not be proud when their child lies, they can take some comfort in knowing that the ability to lie indicates good thinking skills and a sharp memory.”
This isn’t the first study to highlight the potential benefits of lying. A Canadian study last year suggested that the ability to lie convincingly is an essential skill for children to understand others’ thoughts and emotions.
While lying in young children isn’t inherently bad from a cognitive development perspective, it can lead to serious consequences if it becomes frequent and uncontrolled. Children are still learning and may not fully grasp concepts like safety, danger, risk, or the potential for abuse. If lying becomes a habitual behavior, it can negatively impact their moral development and understanding of truthfulness as they grow older.
Lying in children isn’t necessarily a bad thing when viewed from a cognitive development standpoint.
According to Adler, a psychologist, all human behavior has a purpose, and children who lie are no exception. Thus, parents need to understand their children’s goals and needs, helping them achieve these realistically rather than labeling them as liars.
Children often lie to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Parents should reassure them and facilitate peaceful resolution to the consequences of their actions, without scolding or punishment. A parent’s subtlety in handling such situations will be more effective than harsh interrogation. Children need to be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them, with parental support in fixing those mistakes.
Take time to talk to your children, using the information you gather to uncover any problems they may be facing or hiding. Assure them of your unconditional love and forgiveness, but also emphasize the importance of honesty. Only when children feel trusted and understood by their parents will they be inclined to reciprocate with sincerity.
Parents and adult family members should lead by example, demonstrating honesty in their daily lives. Own up to your mistakes (like spilling water or breaking a cup) to show that everyone errs and that learning from those mistakes is essential.
For children aged 4 and above, parents can ask them to promise always to tell the truth and read stories that emphasize honesty.
Raising an honest child is no easy feat, but it’s not an impossible task. By modeling honesty, your children will understand its value and embrace it as a lifelong virtue.
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