In family life, parents often face situations where they need to deny their children’s requests. However, many parents notice that when they say “no,” their children tend to pretend they didn’t hear or react by crying or making a fuss.
Disobedience can sometimes be frustrating for parents and trigger an emotional outburst. In reality, criticizing children requires tact and subtlety from adults.
An education specialist proposed the “80/20 rule” for parenting, which means allocating 20% to reason and 80% to empathy, or 20% to criticism and 80% to affirmation.
When delivering criticism, parents should have a clear, constructive goal, convey positive values, and encourage their children rather than hinder or constrain them. Here are five parenting methods that parents can apply.
Use affirmative words instead of negative ones
During the early years before the age of six, it is crucial to nurture good character and habits in children. This is an excellent time for children to develop their perception of the world. Educating children can be done gently and effectively, without the need for shouting.
Children always crave recognition and love, even at a young age. Praising them when they do well will contribute to building their confidence and encouraging good habits.
Instead of using strong words of reprimand or frequently saying “no” and “don’t,” which can lead to resistance, parents should express their desires positively. For example, instead of saying, “You can’t watch TV anymore,” say, “I’ll let you watch for another 10 minutes, and then we’ll turn it off because watching too much is not good for your eyes.” This way, children will understand the reason, and it will also create a more positive feeling about complying.
Instead of using strong words of reprimand, express your desires positively.
Don’t say “no” too often
People tend to rebel against prohibitions. When young children hear their mother say, “Don’t run,” they want to run even more. Repeated prohibitions become attractive, especially as children enter the stage from the age of two onwards, when their sense of independence starts to develop.
Frequent use of the word “no” can increase rebellious psychology and decrease children’s self-confidence. Dr. Montessori emphasized that children’s development is a process of experimentation, which is not always perfect.
Parents should not impose too many rules, as long as the children do not harm themselves or others. Children under six years old like to explore, and if they are overly restricted, they may become shy. Therefore, a balance between discipline and freedom is necessary in children’s education.
Parents need to control their emotions and should not be quick to blame the children when something happens
It’s important to avoid a dismissive or rude attitude, as simply saying “no” can make children focus more on the parents’ emotions than the real issue, leading to rebellious psychology.
Saying “no” often creates a negative context and limits the development of children’s positive thoughts and behaviors. Instead, parents should take advantage of positive moments when children do well to affirm and encourage them. When it is necessary to say “no,” parents should remain calm and avoid disciplining in anger.
Creating a loving and forgiving environment will help children learn and adjust their behavior. According to philosopher Jaspers, the goal of education is not to blame but to help children understand the principles and develop positive qualities such as self-discipline, confidence, and independence.
Saying “no” often creates a negative context and limits the development of positive thoughts and behaviors.
Use rules instead of saying ‘no’ to your children
Experts advise that “love with rules is wise love.” Instead of frequently saying “no” whenever children make a mistake, parents should establish rules from the beginning to guide their children’s behavior. According to Dr. Maria Montessori, the period from three to six years old is when children are most malleable, so it is crucial to set rules.
Parents can apply six simple principles:
1. No rude or indecent behavior.
2. Do not take others’ belongings and take care of your own.
3. Objects must be returned to their original positions.
4. For public toys, whoever comes first will use them first, and the latercomer will have to wait.
5. Do not disturb others.
6. Know how to apologize when wrong and ask others to apologize as well.
With these rules and boundaries in place, children will understand their behavior clearly and learn to take responsibility for their emotions and attitudes.
With rules and boundaries in place, children will understand their behavior and take responsibility for their emotions and attitudes.
Before the age of six, teaching children through actions is often more effective than words
As children grow up, their observation and imitation skills will develop further, causing them to make their own judgments. Children absorb everything their parents do and say, so parents become their role models.
When children are learning to speak, they will imitate words and tones from their parents, and this can lead to the children adopting inappropriate phrases. This demonstrates the power of children’s absorption, as they effortlessly pick up on their surroundings.
When children don’t listen, parents should consider using actions instead of words to guide them. For example, when children mess up their toys, parents can clean up while also leading them to understand the necessary actions. This approach may yield more positive results through practical lessons.
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