5 Warning Signs Your Child is Crying Out for Love and Attention, Often Overlooked by Parents

21 January, 2025

Children who lack love have empty hearts, and they desperately need a safe harbor to turn to when they feel anxious, scared, or confused. However, not all parents create a safe enough environment for their children to thrive.

Psychologist Adler believed that when children are not acknowledged, they will seek other ways to attract their parents’ attention, which can lead to inappropriate behaviors.

Therefore, if parents fail to recognize their children’s inner needs, the problem will escalate and become increasingly difficult to resolve.

In reality, children often send out signals that they are lacking love, but most parents don’t realize it.

Adler categorized the purpose behind children’s misbehaviors into five stages. When parents notice these signals, they should try to adjust their approach early on and provide their children with enough love and support to grow into healthy adults, both physically and mentally.

Stage One: Seeking Recognition

This is the stage where children seek recognition and praise from those around them for their accomplishments. It is a natural part of their psychological development.

At this stage, children are highly sensitive to others’ evaluations and need encouragement to build their self-confidence and sense of self-worth. Positive feedback from parents not only makes them happy but also motivates them to try harder.

If these inner needs are not met, such as not receiving the desired feedback and praise, children will move on to the next stage.

Children are highly sensitive to evaluations from others and need encouragement.

Stage Two: Seeking Attention

While children don’t like being scolded, they dislike being ignored even more. They desperately crave love and attention and will start exhibiting behaviors to attract their parents’ attention.

For example, a child might be drawing while their mother is working. Occasionally, the child will kick the table with their foot. If the mother tells them to stop, they will kick harder.

If the child consistently engages in behaviors that annoy the parents, the more the parents try to stop them, the more the child will do it. However, when the mother focuses on the child, the inappropriate behavior will stop temporarily, only to resume later, indicating that the child is still seeking attention.

Children dislike being scolded, but they hate being ignored even more.

Stage Three: Seeking Power

When children try different methods but still don’t get the desired results, they may start thinking, “If only I had power, everyone would respect me,” “I’m only valuable when my parents can’t control me,” or “I’m the boss, and others can’t force me to do anything.”

As a result, they will exhibit more extreme behaviors to provoke their parents.

The child’s goal is to annoy their parents and gain a sense of control. If the mother continues to scold them as usual, she falls into their trap. The child’s behavior confirms their belief that they are right, and they become more confident in continuing down this path.

The child’s goal is to annoy their parents and gain a sense of control.

Stage Four: “Rebellion”

Once a child realizes they cannot gain power in the third stage, they may develop a rebellious mindset: “Since I’m not liked, I want others to experience pain, too.”

“My mother doesn’t like it when I throw my toys, but I insist on doing it anyway. It feels good to see her angry.”

“My mother hates it when I draw on the walls, so I will draw on them. I like seeing her get so angry.”

“My mother values grades more than me, so if I skip school, let’s see what she’ll do!”

In summary, no matter how sad the parents feel, the child’s primary intention is to inflict pain. This is their last attempt to attract attention.

Stage Five: Embracing Inadequacy

When children don’t receive the necessary help and guidance in the fourth stage, and they lack a sense of belonging, they start to give up on themselves and expect nothing. They think, “I’m not capable enough,” and “Don’t expect anything from me.” As a result, they react negatively to everything.

We can see that children’s deviant behaviors escalate from the early stages, and it becomes more challenging to address these issues later on.

Therefore, when parents notice inappropriate behaviors in their children, they should first identify the stage the child is in, understand the purpose behind the behavior, and provide appropriate guidance to achieve positive outcomes.

Children lack a sense of belonging and start to give up on themselves.

The sense of belonging is the primary goal of human behavior. In other words, humans inherently seek acceptance from their group, want to become a valued member of that group, and will take actions to achieve this goal.

For children, the family is the only group they belong to. Being acknowledged by their parents makes them feel like an essential part of the family.

In reality, children don’t ask for much. Most of them just want their parents to recognize and appreciate their true selves. When parents open their minds and see the good in their children, they will naturally thrive and grow into healthy individuals.