Complaints and criticism can be hurtful to children, often leading to emotional shutdown and creating a distance in the parent-child relationship.
Psychological research has found that parental language directly impacts a child’s psychological defense mechanisms. When communication is filled with denial and sarcasm, a child’s brain automatically triggers a “fight or flight” response.
So, how should parents communicate daily to make their children more receptive to their words?
Emotional Regulation: The Most Effective Communication Method
After dinner, little Lele spills her milk. Her mother takes a deep breath and calmly says, “Let’s clean up the mess together, shall we?” The child immediately stops crying and begins to help.
This gentle guidance can activate the prefrontal cortex more effectively than asking, “Why are you always so clumsy?” allowing the child to focus on problem-solving.
Neuroscientific research shows that when parents remain calm, children’s stress responses in the amygdala decrease, making them more receptive to guidance.
During an argument at the playground, a father refrains from scolding his son for cutting in line. Instead, he takes his son to observe the other children in the line. “How do you think the kids at the back feel?” he asks. This type of guiding question fosters empathy better than a confrontational approach.
Emotional stability provides a safe base for children to take risks and make mistakes. Gentle and calm guidance from parents help children solve problems and develop essential life skills.
Indeed, the way parents communicate and behave significantly influences how children perceive themselves and the world around them.
Positive Feedback: Building a Growth Mindset
A social media user shares that when he scored a 7 on his math test, his mother didn’t scold him. Instead, she focused on the incorrect answers: “I find the solutions to these three questions very interesting. Let’s work on improving your steps for the next test.”
By shifting the focus from scores to the thought process, this “sandwich communication method” (affirmation + suggestion + encouragement) protects a child’s curiosity.
Brain imaging shows that when children receive specific praise, the reward system in the striatum is activated.
Giving children choices while providing constructive suggestions helps maintain their autonomy and fosters decision-making skills. When a daughter insists on buying a beaded dress, a mother might say, “That dress will be perfect for your birthday party. How about we pair it with sneakers for a comfortable look? Let’s try it on.”
Positive feedback acts like a “GPS” for a child’s mindset, guiding them to optimize their behavior.
Gentle Communication: Building a Bridge of Trust
Communicating with emotional awareness can resolve conflicts better than accusatory statements like, “You must have started the trouble.”
When children feel heard, mirror neurons promote emotional empathy, making them more receptive to advice.
If a child is sad about losing a game, a mother might gently hug them and say, “I’ve noticed your dedication to practicing every day. Your effort is more valuable than any ranking.”
Feedback focused on the process rather than the outcome helps develop a growth mindset.
When children feel heard, mirror neurons in their brains promote emotional empathy.
The four elements of nonviolent communication (observation, feeling, need, and request) act as emotional translators, allowing love to truly reach a child’s heart.
A nurturing environment often stimulates intrinsic motivation and promotes healthy development.
In reality, gentle yet firm language is the best gift parents can give their children during conversations. Try replacing criticism with suggestions and denial with descriptions in your daily interactions.
Friendly communication is the key to building a strong relationship between parents and children. By listening, empathizing, and using positive language, parents can foster their children’s emotional and cognitive development.
Let your children feel the love and support from their family, as this will be the foundation for their future growth and success.
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Effective communication with children goes beyond mere words; it is about instilling faith, understanding, and love. When parents listen attentively and respond appropriately, children feel safe, valued, and more inclined to express themselves freely.
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With effective communication strategies, children can approach behavior with rationality and objectivity, and become receptive listeners.
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