Sibling rivalry is common, and it’s not uncommon for jealousy to arise among siblings.
For younger children, not receiving enough love during childhood can impact their development and perception of family dynamics.
Psychologists advise parents to be mindful of their words and communication with their children. Especially in larger families, there are four phrases that parents should avoid saying.
“As the older sibling, you should yield to your younger sibling”
While parents may view “older yielding to younger” as a virtue, children may feel that their emotions and needs are being disregarded.
Over time, children who are constantly asked to “give way” may suppress their needs, becoming shy and believing that their presence is insignificant.
Some children may develop a rebellious attitude, intentionally acting out against their younger siblings or parents. This is a defensive mechanism, a way for children to seek recognition and assert their self-worth. When children feel their needs are not being heard, they may resort to attention-seeking behaviors, even if it means creating conflict.
“If you don’t obey me, I won’t love you anymore”
Parenting can be challenging, and it’s easy to get caught up in daily chores and lose patience.
In moments of frustration, parents may unintentionally use threatening language to control their children’s behavior. Statements like “If you don’t obey me, I won’t love you anymore” can instill fear and anxiety in children.
Over time, children may mistakenly believe that they will only be loved if their younger siblings didn’t exist. This can lead to negative emotions, making children feel pressured and insecure. They may even think that their parents’ love is conditional and that their existence depends on their obedience.
In reality, children’s sense of security comes from understanding that “no matter what I do, my parents will always love me.” It is crucial for children to hear this message to build self-confidence.
Even when children make mistakes, parents should explain and emphasize that mistakes are a normal part of growth. Parents should refrain from using such “threatening” language to coerce children into obedience.
“Look at your siblings, they are better than you at everything”
Every child is unique, with their own personality and abilities. Some children are outgoing and energetic, while others are more reserved and well-behaved. When parents compare siblings, even unintentionally, it can sow seeds of jealousy and self-doubt in their children’s hearts.
Children may start to question themselves: “Am I not good enough? Do my parents favor my siblings over me?” These thoughts can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth.
As time passes, children may act out to seek attention or, conversely, become quiet and distant, avoiding interaction with their parents.
Instead of comparing, parents should focus on their children’s strengths. Discover and acknowledge what makes each child special, whether it’s their creativity or emotional intelligence. Use encouragement and praise to help children recognize their self-worth.
“I’m busy, so you play by yourself”
In larger families, parents’ free time significantly decreases.
However, for children, being told to “play by themselves” can feel like a deep loss.
Children remember that when they were younger, their parents would drop everything to comfort them. Those moments made them feel loved and secure. Now, their needs seem to be put on hold, making them feel less important than their siblings.
In reality, children need more than just companionship; they need to feel valued. This goes beyond spending time together; it’s about showing interest and attention to their emotions. Even if parents pause what they’re doing to look at their children lovingly, it makes a difference. Children will sense that they are not being ignored.
This feeling of being valued is crucial in building a child’s sense of security. Knowing that their parents still love and care for them, even with the arrival of new family members, helps them accept and adapt to the changes. By taking the time to listen, share, and interact, parents foster a sense of love and create lasting memories in their children’s minds. These warm words and gestures become the sunshine on their journey to adulthood.
