Teaching your daughter about boundaries also includes encouraging healthy emotional expression. When children learn to express their feelings appropriately and stand up for themselves, they gain confidence in their relationships. This avoids awkward situations and lays a solid foundation for healthy relationships in the future.
**”Sweetie, don’t be too nice”**
According to traditional norms, girls are taught to be well-behaved, obedient, and adorable. Chimamanda, one of the most renowned female writers of our time, addressed this issue in her TED talk, “Why We Should All Be Feminists.”
>”We teach girls to cater to the feelings of others, which is why they often stay silent when they are being mistreated and withdraw when faced with injustice. True power comes from protecting your true emotions, not from conforming to the expectations of others.”
In the TV series “The Bad Kids,” Zhu Chaoyang is an exceptionally well-behaved and understanding child. His parents are divorced, so he lives with his mother. However, as his mother works at a scenic spot, she often resides in the company’s dormitory.
As a result, Zhu Chaoyang goes to school, takes care of his daily meals, and excels in his studies, all by himself. Yet, he can only hide his thoughts deep within his heart. For instance, if he is bullied at school, if his new shoes are deliberately stepped on by his stepmother’s daughter, or even if he is taken advantage of by peers who want to engage in criminal activities, he will not bother his parents.
For boys, prolonged suppression to please others can lead to a loss of self-expression and self-protection as they grow up. Meanwhile, girls are more fragile and sensitive, easily confined by the “well-behaved” label imposed by societal standards.
Therefore, when raising a daughter, parents should teach her that she doesn’t always have to be adorable. Instead, it’s more important to instill self-respect, encourage her to express her thoughts and emotions, and, most importantly, to say “no” firmly when necessary.
By doing so, you empower her to maintain her independence and not be influenced by unreasonable demands from the outside world.
**”Learn to respect your body”**
We must acknowledge that, in some aspects, girls are often at a disadvantage compared to boys and are more vulnerable to violations and harm. In today’s rapidly changing society, it’s challenging for young girls to avoid engaging in activities detrimental to their health due to various reasons.
For instance, some may experiment with beauty products that are harmful to their health or resort to extreme dieting to achieve a certain look, thus causing self-inflicted damage. Moreover, in today’s social media-driven culture, the pressure to maintain a certain physical appearance is higher than ever, leading girls to feel the constant need to prove their worth through external validation.
Additionally, when it comes to love, many girls easily compromise themselves in a relationship, accepting control or abuse from their partner. A lack of education about personal boundaries and self-determination can make it difficult for girls to identify and protect what is rightfully theirs.
Therefore, parents should educate their daughters about protecting their bodies and prioritizing physical health. Encourage them to confidently say “no” when faced with potential dangers or inappropriate requests.
**”Maintain financial independence”**
Female writer Yi Shu once said, “As a woman, you must first strive for financial independence, and then talk about other things you should strive for.” This is not just a piece of advice but a necessary philosophy for modern times. When women are financially independent, their voices and wishes are more likely to be heard and respected.
Thus, parents should guide their daughters to understand that, regardless of their future career choices or marital status, they should aim to have the ability or skills to earn an income, build a career, and attain financial security. This instills confidence and lays a solid foundation for their future.
Financial independence empowers women to make decisions about their lives without relying on others. It allows them to pursue their passions, fulfill their dreams, and take charge of building the life they desire.
It’s not just about the money; it’s about having the freedom to make choices based on their strengths at every crossroads in life. When they stand on their own two feet, they won’t be overwhelmed by life’s challenges. From choosing a career to making decisions in relationships, financial independence enables them to navigate their destiny with a sense of calm and confidence.
**”Don’t lose yourself”**
In a girl’s life, she will assume various roles. For example, she may be a daughter to her parents, a mother to someone, a daughter-in-law to her in-laws, a wife to her husband, and an employee to her boss. Each role comes with its own set of expectations and responsibilities, creating a diverse yet challenging landscape as she navigates her path to adulthood.
Psychologist Bennett Barry points out in his research on women’s mental health that “women often suppress themselves due to societal role expectations, but this suppression can lead to long-term psychological pressure.” This pressure can result in exhaustion, confusion, or even a sense of alienation, leading to a lack of self-confidence and identity. When trying to meet ever-changing standards from family, society, or work, many girls feel trapped in a confined box, where personal growth is neglected.
Therefore, regardless of the role they play, girls should not sacrifice their personal growth. It’s essential that they recognize the importance of self-care and personal development, which benefits both themselves and those around them.
True happiness comes from self-awareness, not the validation of others. Self-awareness enables girls to gain a clearer understanding of their self-worth, interests, and dreams. When they know what they want and need, they can set healthy boundaries and make informed decisions.
Moderate “selfishness” is about taking responsibility for oneself. It doesn’t mean refusing to help others or neglecting responsibilities but rather understanding that by being the best version of themselves, they can genuinely care for others. This way, they have the strength and energy to shoulder obligations without feeling overwhelmed or pressured.
