Sometimes, parents can be a little too vocal with their opinions and remarks, unaware of the potential impact on their children’s well-being and academic performance.
Here are four common phrases that parents may use, which can demotivate children and affect their overall academic outcomes:
“You’re so stupid!”
In reality, many parents are facing a serious issue regarding their communication style and the way they express their expectations of their children. When children are pressured to obey every word of their parents, it’s not just a matter of unconscious compliance. The message they receive is that their own awareness and thinking are not enough and may even be considered foolish.
When children feel that their thoughts and opinions are not respected and that they have no say in their own decisions, it can take a toll on their mental health. Feelings of sadness and dissatisfaction can emerge and gradually spread, affecting all aspects of their lives, from academics to social relationships.
Moreover, when children live under this constant stress for too long, they may become hesitant to communicate or avoid responsibilities. This not only makes them shy and less confident but also hinders their development of social skills and independence.
Children will feel isolated, unsupported, and struggle to build healthy relationships.
Suggested adjustment: Parents should provide their children with more opportunities to express themselves, so they don’t feel belittled by remarks, fostering greater confidence, and naturally improving academic performance.
“You’ll never amount to anything”
By denying their children’s actions, many parents fail to realize the power of their words. For instance, when a child proudly shows off their drawing and is met with, “This drawing is ugly, you’ll never amount to anything”, or when they assemble a toy but are criticized with “What’s so great about this toy?”, these statements deeply affect their self-esteem and emotional well-being.
Children may start to doubt their abilities, leading to an inferiority complex, reluctance to express themselves, and a possible avoidance of creative activities in the future. A child who once enjoyed painting may gradually become hesitant to pick up a brush, and the joy of creativity will be stolen from them.
Suggested adjustment: It’s crucial for parents to affirm and encourage their children. In daily life, if parents doubt their child’s actions, instead of immediately denying them, take the time to understand the truth. Ask your child about their ideas and feelings related to what they’ve done.
The more parents show their trust, the more their children will tend to develop their talents and achieve significant accomplishments. When children feel that their parents are on their side, they can easily overcome challenges, develop a strong spirit, and build confidence. As a result, academic performance will improve, as a positive mindset makes it easier for children to absorb new knowledge.
“This is too easy; can’t you do it?”
Hearing this, children may feel that their efforts and hard work are not being acknowledged, which can be demotivating and damaging to their self-esteem. It renders their attempts meaningless, and they may start to feel uncomfortable and pressured when it comes to their studies.
Instead of feeling excited to explore and conquer new challenges, they become discouraged and lose the drive to try. Children may develop a mentality where they are reluctant to express themselves or share their thoughts and opinions.
Suggested adjustment: Parents should adjust their wording to create an encouraging environment that fosters trust in their children’s abilities. Ask them about their approach to the task and encourage them to try again. Positive encouragement will make children feel supported, motivating them to strive for improvement, thereby enhancing their learning and personal growth.
“Only smart kids can do that”
When children are faced with unhealthy comparisons, they may feel inadequate and pressured. The implication that success is reserved for those who are “smart” without considering the importance of effort and perseverance can be detrimental to their self-esteem.
Children may start to believe that only intelligence matters, neglecting the necessary efforts to develop new skills. Instead of feeling excited to take on challenges and learn from their mistakes, they may become discouraged and less inclined to engage in academic activities, thinking that their efforts will never be good enough.
They may also begin to form relationships based on the notion that only “smart” people are valuable, creating distance between themselves and their peers, reducing social interaction and cooperation.
Suggested adjustment: Instead, parents should encourage children to recognize that success stems from a combination of intelligence, hard work, patience, and resilience. Statements like, “You can do it if you try” or “Give it another go and see what you learn” will motivate children to learn, build confidence, and develop resilience.
Creating a positive environment where children feel respected and encouraged to take on challenges is essential. Therefore, parents should focus on discovering their children’s strengths and providing affirmation and encouragement. In this positive atmosphere, children will more easily improve and develop their full potential.
“Saying ‘If You Don’t Study Hard, You’ll Only End Up Selling Lottery Tickets or Scrap Collecting’ to Encourage Your Child Can Be Extremely Detrimental.”
“Certain ill-advised comments from parents can inadvertently sap a child’s motivation to learn.”
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