The Modern Parent’s Guide: Navigating Young Love in the Pre-Teen Years

Illustrative image.

Early romance is a complex issue that many parents face. Parental concerns are natural, but the way they express and address these worries can significantly impact their child’s development, cognition, and psychology. So, how should parents react and respond when they realize their child is in this situation? Let’s hear from psychology expert Quang Thi Mong Chi as she provides analysis and suggestions for a more appropriate approach.

Psychology expert Quang Thi Mong Chi.

How should parents react when they find out their child is in love? Should they intervene immediately? If so, how should they intervene—by offering support or forcing their child to break up?

When parents discover that their child is in love, it’s essential to remain calm and avoid angry or overly intense reactions, as this may pressure the child and lead to distance. Instead of immediately forbidding the relationship or forcing a breakup, parents should opt for gentle conversations, inquiring to better understand their child’s emotions and relationship.

Create a safe space for open dialogue. For instance, ask about the person their child likes, how they met, or how the child feels about the relationship. This approach helps the child understand that their parents are interested and respect their feelings. After listening, parents can seize the opportunity to guide their child toward understanding the aspects of a healthy love.

Explain that love is not just about emotions but also involves mutual respect, setting boundaries, and taking responsibility for one’s actions. Share with them the potential negative consequences of not considering these aspects, such as neglecting studies, psychological pressure, or issues related to physical and mental health.

Parents need to assess the situation specifically and objectively. If the relationship is healthy and doesn’t interfere with their child’s studies or daily life, they should temporarily support their child while discreetly monitoring the situation.

However, if there are signs of negative influences, such as dependency, inappropriate behavior, or severe impacts on their child’s future, parents should intervene. In such cases, explain the reasons clearly and help them understand why a temporary break might be beneficial.

Most importantly, parents need to accompany their child on this journey, building trust so that their child feels comfortable sharing without fear of judgment. Avoid rushing to force a breakup, as this may lead to secrecy and resistance. Instead, be there to guide, protect, and help them experience love safely and healthily, contributing to their child’s emotional maturity.

What communication methods should parents use to initiate conversations about love and relationships without making their child feel threatened or rebellious?

To initiate conversations about love and relationships without making their child feel threatened or rebellious, parents need to create a comfortable environment free of interrogation.

Choose an appropriate time, such as during family relaxation after dinner or while taking a walk, to begin the conversation. Use a gentle and friendly tone, avoiding seriousness or imposition, to help your child feel at ease and open up.

Parents can start with general topics, such as sharing a story related to friends, family, or a movie about teenage romance. For example: “I watched a movie about teenage love, and I found it quite interesting. Do you think there’s something special about love at this age?”

Such open-ended questions help the child understand that the conversation is not an interrogation but a sincere expression of interest. It’s important for parents to avoid judgment and focus on listening to their child’s feelings.

Instead of intense questioning or criticism, use gentle inquiries like: “How do you feel when you’re with this person? Is there anything that makes you happy?” Respect your child’s emotions and acknowledge that love and attraction at this age are a natural part of growing up.

Sharing personal experiences can also create a connection. For example: “When I was your age, I also had special feelings for someone. How did I feel at the time? Would you like to hear about it?” This not only helps the child feel understood but also creates an opportunity for them to openly share their story.

Parents can also subtly weave in meaningful lessons instead of direct instruction. Rather than saying: “You must not do this”, ask: “In your opinion, what’s the most important thing in a relationship? How can both parties always feel respected?” Lead them toward essential lessons without creating pressure.

Finally, let the child lead the conversation by listening and asking follow-up questions based on their responses. This approach fosters respect and freedom to share. Open, respectful, and empathetic communication creates a safe space where children are willing to share and learn from their parents’ experiences.

What should parents do if their child is in love with someone they disapprove of, in order to discuss it effectively without causing family tension?

When parents discover that their child is in love with someone they disapprove of, the first step is to stay calm. Avoid expressing anger or immediately criticizing the other person, as this may offend the child and lead to opposition. Instead, show openness and express a desire to understand the relationship better.

The next step is to find out why their child loves this person. Engage in gentle conversations, asking questions like: “What makes this person special to you?” or “When do you feel happiest when you’re with them?” Listening will help parents understand their child’s emotions and make the child feel respected.

Before sharing your opinions, parents need to assess their reasons for disapproval. Are they related to serious issues like unhealthy behavior or negative lifestyle choices, or are they simply differences in personal perspectives? If the reasons aren’t severe, parents should consider whether intervention is necessary. If there are valid reasons, prepare to present your perspective clearly and logically.

When ready, have a constructive conversation with your child. Share your thoughts gently, saying something like: “We have some concerns about this person and how they might impact you. What do you think about that?” or “We don’t want to upset you, but there are a few things we’d like to share for you to consider.”

Avoid directly criticizing the other person and instead focus on the core values of a healthy relationship. If you haven’t had the chance to meet them, propose a get-together to understand them better. Maintain objectivity and politeness during the encounter, refraining from openly expressing disapproval. This allows parents to gain a more objective assessment of the individual.

Instead of forcing a breakup, encourage your child to self-evaluate the relationship. Ask open-ended questions like: “Do you feel that this person helps you become a better version of yourself?” or “Does this relationship bring you happiness and balance in your life?” This approach helps children gain objectivity and potentially make their own decisions.

Finally, if intervention is necessary, offer gentle alternatives. For example: “We think you should take some time to think about this relationship. We can talk more when you’re ready.” This approach respects your child’s feelings and avoids imposition.

Most importantly, parents need to prioritize maintaining family harmony. Remind your child that, no matter what, your love and desire for their well-being are constant. Understanding, patience, and respect from both sides will help prevent tension and support your child’s growth in perceiving love and life.

When a child falls in love early, what can parents do to ensure they maintain a balance between their studies, social relationships, and personal interests?

When a child falls in love early, it’s crucial to encourage them to maintain their habits and responsibilities. Remind them that love is a part of life but shouldn’t overshadow their studies and self-care. Work together to create a reasonable schedule that allocates time for studies, personal interests, and romantic relationships.

Parents can gently say: “You can spend time with this person, but you also need to ensure you have time for studies and rest.”

At the same time, set reasonable limits without making the child feel controlled. For example, restrict the time spent chatting or meeting with their partner when they need to focus on studies.

Explain clearly that these boundaries are to help them balance all aspects of their life, rather than feeling restricted. Another important aspect is creating space for children to pursue their personal interests.

Parents can inquire and encourage their children to engage in activities they enjoy, such as sports, music, or art. This not only helps maintain balance but also prevents them from solely focusing their time and energy on the relationship.

Additionally, parents should encourage their children to maintain other social relationships. Motivate them to participate in group activities or organize get-togethers with friends. This prevents isolation and fosters communication skills and positive relationships.

If the child struggles with time management, parents can offer support by guiding them in planning and prioritizing tasks. Working together to design a suitable schedule will help them allocate time effectively for studies, personal interests, and relationships.

Most importantly, parents should discuss long-term goals with their children. Emphasize that achieving dreams and personal development requires long-term effort and focus. Share: “We’re glad you have a good relationship, but you also need to think about how to balance it with your future goals.”

Finally, parents need to lead by example by maintaining a balance between work, family, and personal interests. Accompany and listen to your children when they need support or someone to share with. Trust and understanding from parents will boost their confidence and help them maintain a healthy lifestyle in all aspects.