The Secret to Academic Success: Redefining “Success” for Vietnamese Parents

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The worry about the future is also a significant factor. Many parents feel pressured when thinking about their children’s ability to earn a living and financial stability. Therefore, early preparation will give children a better chance in life. Moreover, the world is becoming increasingly competitive, and children’s success can be seen as a way to maintain or enhance the family’s reputation.

Although parents’ noble goals usually stem from love and good intentions, too much pressure can lead to many negative consequences. Children can develop anxiety, fear of failure, and low self-esteem.

Pressure can also cause children to lose their passion and interest in learning. Moreover, competition among peers can lead to stressful social relationships. To minimize this pressure, parents need to change their approach to raising children. Psychological expert Quang Thi Mong Chi analyzes this issue in more depth, helping parents find a suitable method.

Psychological expert Quang Thi Mong Chi.

How does parents’ excessive desire for their children’s success affect their motivation to learn?

When parents have high expectations for their children’s success, it can negatively impact their motivation to learn and develop. Children often feel pressured to meet expectations beyond their abilities or interests, leading to stress, anxiety, and even a loss of joy in learning.

Many children study out of fear of disappointing their parents instead of learning for self-improvement or pursuing their passions. This pressure not only reduces learning effectiveness but also makes children less confident and less willing to take on new challenges.

However, if parents know how to express their expectations positively, it can become a driving force for children’s development. Instead of forcing, parents should listen to, respect, and support their children’s interests and help them balance their studies and passions.

For example, if a child loves art but the parents want them to focus on theoretical subjects, discussing and creating conditions for the child to excel in both will make them feel supported and more confident. Most importantly, parents need to set realistic expectations that match their children’s abilities and desires, rather than comparing them to others or imposing personal wishes.

When children receive support instead of pressure, they will develop sustainable motivation to learn and have the opportunity to explore and pursue their passions. This will not only help them achieve success but also bring happiness and satisfaction in life. Therefore, empathy, encouragement, and proper guidance from parents are key to raising a generation of confident, creative, and successful individuals.

According to the expert, how should the measurement of children’s success be established to avoid unnecessary pressure?

The measurement of children’s success needs to be specific and flexible to avoid unnecessary pressure and promote sustainable development. Firstly, parents should focus on the learning process rather than just the outcome. For example, if a child gets a decent score on a test but has worked very hard to improve, that effort should be acknowledged and praised instead of criticized for not getting the highest score.

Success should also be personalized, meaning it should be based on the child’s individual abilities and interests. If a child is more interested in art than science, recognize their achievements in the arts instead of forcing them to excel in math or science to keep up with trends. This will make children feel more confident and enthusiastic about learning and development.

Additionally, success should be assessed through progress and soft skills. For example, if a child dares to present in front of the class despite being shy, that is also a success worth encouraging. This comprehensive assessment helps children understand that their self-worth is not only about grades but also about the maturity of their thinking, skills, and emotions.

Moreover, parents should help children view failure as part of success. When children don’t achieve their goals, instead of scolding them, encourage them to analyze the reasons and find ways to improve. This will not only reduce pressure but also teach them perseverance and problem-solving skills.

Finally, parents need to listen to their children’s feelings and desires and support them in setting realistic goals that match their abilities. Success should be measured through the children’s satisfaction and happiness when they are allowed to live true to their passions and feel free to develop with their family’s support.

How can parents teach children about the value of failure in the learning and development process? Are there any daily phrases that can help convey this message?

Teaching children about the value of failure is an important daily task for parents to help build their children’s self-confidence, positive thinking, and perseverance. Parents can start by explaining that failure is natural in life, and no one succeeds on their first try.

Tell your children: “Everyone makes mistakes, even me. What’s important is what we learn from them.”

When children feel disappointed after a failure, comfort and encourage them: “It’s okay; failure doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It means you’re learning to do better.”

Instead of focusing solely on the outcome, emphasize their efforts and progress. For example, if a child doesn’t get a high score but has studied hard, encourage them: “I’m very proud of you for trying your best. That’s more important than the score.”

When children encounter difficulties, encourage them to learn from their failures: “What do you think didn’t work this time? Let’s find a way to improve together.”

At the same time, build their confidence by emphasizing that failure doesn’t make them weaker; it’s an opportunity to become stronger: “You were brave to give it a try. Not everyone can do that.” Providing real-life examples of famous people who failed before they succeeded, such as Thomas Edison’s thousands of experiments to invent the lightbulb, will help children understand that failure is part of the journey.

In daily life, parents should create a safe environment for children to experiment without fear of criticism: “Go ahead and try. If you make a mistake, it’s okay; we’ll figure out how to do better.”

When children feel discouraged, motivate them to keep trying with phrases like: “Failure is only temporary, but if you give up, that’s a real failure.”

Most importantly, let them know that you are always there to support and accompany them: “We don’t care about what you achieve. We just want to see you happy and trying your best.”

These sincere words of encouragement and a positive approach will help children understand that failure is not a stopping point but a stepping stone to success.

According to the expert, what are some ways for parents to change their expectations and reduce pressure on their children without losing the desire for their success?

To change expectations and reduce pressure on children while maintaining the desire for their success, parents need to change their approach and communication with their children in specific ways. First, focus on their efforts and progress instead of just the outcome.

For example, instead of saying, “You must get a perfect score on this test,” say, “I see that you’ve been studying hard, and I believe you will do well.” This helps children realize that their efforts are what matter the most.

Parents should also listen to understand their children’s interests, desires, and abilities to set realistic and suitable goals.

For instance, if a child loves drawing but the parents want them to focus on math, instead of forcing them, combine the two by encouraging: “I see that you love drawing. Let’s allocate time for math first, and then you can draw to balance both.” This respects the child’s interests while ensuring they don’t neglect their studies.

At the same time, parents should avoid comparing their children to peers or siblings, as this can create a sense of inferiority. Instead of saying, “Your friend A is better than you,” say: “You have your unique abilities, and I’m very proud of your efforts.”

When children fail, encourage them instead of scolding them. For example: “It’s okay; I know you tried your best. Let’s see how we can do better next time.” These words help children realize that failure is not something to be afraid of but an opportunity to learn and improve.

Additionally, parents should create a safe environment for children to experiment and discover themselves. Encourage them to freely pursue their passions, such as: “If you truly enjoy learning music, I will help you manage your time to practice music while still completing your schoolwork.” At the same time, praise should focus on their efforts and process, for example: “I’m very proud of you for taking the time to prepare for this test. That’s commendable.”

Finally, parents need to redefine the concept of success for their children. Instead of pushing them to meet societal standards like high scores or rankings, help them understand that success is about feeling happy, proud, and learning from the process.

Parents should also emphasize that no matter what their children achieve, their love and support remain unchanged. When children feel this positive encouragement and accompaniment, they will naturally be motivated to try their best and achieve success in their unique way.