Adolescence is a tumultuous time for emotions, with youths experiencing a rollercoaster of feelings, from joy and excitement to sadness and anger. This is the stage where they start to forge their identities, discover personal interests and values, and form new friendships.
However, this can also lead to difficulties in connecting with family, as adolescents often forge stronger bonds with their peers than with their parents. Many parents observe that their teenage children become lazy, selfish, and frequently display rude attitudes towards them. This laziness may stem from feeling overwhelmed by academic pressure, high parental expectations, and the transition to new responsibilities.
Illustrative image.
Selfishness also commonly emerges during this phase as adolescents start to focus more on themselves and their personal needs. They may become less concerned about others’ feelings, including the support and help of their loved ones.
Additionally, when adolescents feel misunderstood or disrespected, they often react defiantly, using unrestrained language or behavior.
In such cases, it is crucial to understand and empathize with the changes they are going through. Parents should recognize that these behaviors are not irrational acts of defiance but often stem from anxiety, pressure, and the youths’ desire to assert themselves.
Although adolescents may exhibit laziness, selfishness, and rudeness, with proper support and guidance, they can overcome these challenges and grow into responsible and confident adults. Parental understanding and open communication are key to building a strong and healthy family relationship.
Psychologist Nguyen Ngoc Vui.
Many mothers have observed that as their daughters enter adolescence, they become lazy, selfish, and frequently talk back. What are the reasons for this, according to experts?
There are two groups of reasons for this: objective and subjective.
As children enter adolescence (especially girls), the most important psychological characteristic is their desire to be treated as adults, to have their own opinions and not depend on their parents. When they were younger, children sought recognition and obedience, but as they enter adolescence, their thinking changes, and their ability to argue develops strongly.
In other words, adolescents can be rebellious in their communication and self-expression. In many cases, they view laziness and selfishness not as inherent traits but as a form of self-expression. This is a subjective reason stemming from the child’s own perception.
There are also more objective reasons, often stemming from parental teaching methods. It is possible that, up to this point, parents have not taught their children enough about appropriate principles and norms or have pressured them to always obey adults. Therefore, when children enter adolescence and realize they don’t have to follow their parents’ arrangements or compromises, they are ready to display defiant behaviors, as if releasing years of pent-up frustration.
Therefore, with these objective reasons, parents should review their family education methods. In many cases, children’s reactions are their way of expressing their own opinions.
How should parents react when their children are rude or disrespectful to adults in the household?
First, parents should remain calm and discuss the matter with each other to understand the cause of their child’s behavior. Then, they should encourage open communication with their child, listening clearly and empathetically. The important thing about listening is to share and understand each other.
Next, find out why the child is behaving this way. At this step, the issue may be resolved with an apology from both parties. But if it is found that both sides are at fault, parents need to develop a clear strategy to re-establish discipline in the family. This should be done without creating pressure or oppressing the child, and the child should not display disrespect towards their parents.
Are there any differences in the way boys and girls should be educated during this phase?
Based on psychological research, there are many differences between boys and girls during adolescence.
Each child will experience puberty at different times, so parents need to apply appropriate educational methods specific to each child.
In reality, fathers are often more suitable for raising, befriending, and guiding boys, while mothers should pay more attention to their daughters. Due to gender-specific characteristics and needs, those of the same gender can more easily share and understand each other during this phase.
Regarding aggressive and defiant behavior, boys tend to exhibit stronger reactions than girls.
Some studies on adolescent depression have found that while the incidence of extreme behavior is higher in girls, the success rate of performing extreme behavior is higher in boys. This difference is because girls are more sensitive and indecisive, while boys are more determined once they have formed an intention.
Therefore, parents need to observe the differences between boys and girls, including personality, birth order in the family, etc. From there, they can find appropriate adjustment methods, ranging from gentle and gentle to strict and disciplined.
What should parents do if their child does not change their behavior even after repeated strict education?
Parents should review their child-rearing methods to see if they are appropriate. While parents want to correct their children’s behavior, they may inadvertently create a counter-reaction. Instead of educating, parents may complain, criticize, or condemn. When children sense this challenge, they will usually respond, feeling satisfied by successfully confronting their parents.
If parents apply sincere and well-intentioned educational methods, but the child still does not change, it is necessary to consider seeking support from a psychologist specializing in adolescent mental health.
Many studies and surveys have found that mental health issues often arise during adolescence. Therefore, parents should consider seeking support from reputable experts or organizations.
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