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Who Has a Greater Impact on a Child’s Development: Paternal or Maternal Grandmother?

A recent study has sparked intriguing debates by revealing surprising findings about the greater influence on a child's development: the maternal or paternal grandmother. This unexpected twist in the understanding of childhood influences warrants further exploration and sheds light on the pivotal roles played by grandmothers in shaping young lives.

Administrator

20 July, 2024

A story shared by an online user has caught much attention. In the story, she shares that both she and her husband are very busy with work, and thus, the responsibility of childcare falls largely on the help of their parents. The maternal grandmother takes care of the child five days a week, while the paternal grandmother does so on the weekends. However, she notices a difference in the child’s affection towards the two grandmothers.

Once, the paternal grandmother gently chided, feeling that the child only favored the maternal side of the family. “The child never kisses me; only the maternal grandmother receives hugs and kisses, and only thinks of her when there is delicious food,” the paternal grandmother exclaimed. This left the young couple perplexed, as both grandmothers are family and are taking care of their grandchild. So, why does this “discrimination” exist?

This question is indeed thought-provoking, and many people have likely experienced similar situations. Is the maternal grandmother always given more “favoritism” by the grandchildren? Interestingly, science has already provided an explanation for this phenomenon.

Do Maternal Grandmothers Receive More “Favoritism” from Grandchildren?

Research Findings

A research team conducted a random survey of 831 children to understand the closeness of their relationships with their maternal and paternal grandparents. Results showed that grandchildren tend to meet and feel closer to their maternal grandmothers than their paternal grandmothers. Even when the maternal grandmother lives farther away, she tends to visit her grandchildren more often than the paternal grandmother.

American evolutionary psychologist Todd DeKay also conducted a similar study on 120 children. The findings indicated that the psychological closeness of the children to their elderly relatives was in the order of maternal grandmother, paternal grandmother, maternal grandfather, and paternal grandfather.

English psychologist John Bowlby’s attachment theory suggests that there is a natural and special emotional relationship between infants and their caregivers. When a child feels sleepy, hungry, tired, or sick, the mother is usually the one who can respond promptly, creating a safe and trusted bond with the child.

According to this theory, if the maternal grandmother frequently cares for her grandchild and promptly meets the child’s needs, she becomes the person with whom the child forms a strong attachment. John Bowlby introduced the concept of a “secure base” in his attachment theory, referring to a safe and close person whom the child can rely on when exploring the world, typically the primary caregiver.

Many families notice that their children are closer to their maternal grandmothers, which may be because she is always by their side, providing a sense of absolute security.

The paternal grandmother need not worry about being distant if she stays close to her grandchild and shows her care in the right ways. Children can develop secure attachments with multiple people simultaneously. Imagine a child’s mind as a stool with multiple seats, reserved for those who make them feel loved and secure. The maternal grandmother can sit on one seat, and the paternal grandmother can occupy another. There is no competition between them for the child’s affection.

Whether a child forms an attachment with their paternal grandmother depends mainly on whether she provides a sense of security and love during their interactions.

It Depends on Creating a Sense of Security and Love

2 Reasons Why Grandchildren Are Closer to Their Maternal Grandmothers

Maternal Grandmothers Have a Higher Rate of Caring for Grandchildren

According to an online survey of 2,241 participants about who takes care of their children, nearly half said that the maternal grandmother is the primary caregiver. The second most common choice was self-care by the parents, followed by the paternal grandmother.

Based on John Bowlby’s attachment theory, when children are young, they are often cared for by their maternal grandmothers. When they are hungry, sleepy, or need to use the bathroom, they turn to their maternal grandmothers, naturally forming a close bond.

Even at a young age, children can sense companionship and daily interactions. Whoever shows them more love and presence will become closer to them. There is a unique type of family love across generations. Sometimes, this intergenerational love can be deeper than parental love because it comes with fewer expectations and more tolerance.

Children Sense Companionship and Daily Interactions

The Maternal Grandmother’s Special Love for the Child’s Mother

In the documentary “Grandmother,” the reporter asked the grandmothers, “Why do you want to take care of your grandchildren?” The grandmothers unanimously answered, “When my daughter gave birth, I had to help take care of my grandchild.”

When a maternal grandmother cares for her grandchild, she is not just caring for her descendant. In her heart, her daughter and grandchild are equally her children, and she worries about and loves them as much as she does herself.

Frequently asked questions

Both paternal and maternal grandmothers can have significant impacts on a child’s development, but in different ways. Maternal grandmothers tend to be more involved in the day-to-day care and upbringing of their grandchildren, providing practical support and emotional comfort. On the other hand, paternal grandmothers may offer a different perspective and contribute to the child’s development by sharing family history, traditions, and values.

The involvement of grandmothers can greatly benefit a child’s social, emotional, and cognitive development. Grandmothers can provide a sense of security, love, and belonging, which are essential for a child’s emotional well-being. They can also offer guidance, wisdom, and a different perspective, contributing to the child’s social and cognitive development. Additionally, grandmothers can help pass on family traditions, cultural values, and a sense of identity.

Grandmothers can influence a child’s development in numerous ways. They can provide childcare and practical support, allowing parents to work or take a break. Grandmothers can also offer emotional support, guidance, and a listening ear. They may share stories and family history, imparting values and life lessons. Additionally, grandmothers can engage in activities that stimulate the child’s cognitive development, such as reading, playing games, and teaching new skills.

Yes, cultural differences can play a significant role in the involvement and influence of grandmothers. In some cultures, grandmothers are highly respected and valued for their wisdom and life experience, and they may play a more active role in raising their grandchildren. In other cultures, grandmothers may live farther away or have different family structures, which can lead to varying levels of involvement. However, across cultures, grandmothers generally tend to be a source of love, support, and family tradition for their grandchildren.

Parents can play an important role in fostering a positive relationship between their children and the child’s grandmothers. Encouraging regular visits, phone calls, or video chats can help maintain a close connection. Involving grandmothers in family traditions, holidays, and special occasions can also strengthen the bond. Additionally, parents can share stories and photos of the child with the grandmothers, and vice versa, to create a sense of shared history and interest.