“Do you love your child?”
“Of course, I do. How could anyone not love their child?”
An online discussion sparked among netizens with 95% of parents expressing their love for their children. Of course, there were a few who didn’t feel the same way.
As the discussion heated up, the person who initiated the topic asked a second question.
“If you truly love your child, why do you say things that hurt them?
Words from parents can impact children, so it’s important to refrain from saying hurtful things.
After this question was posted, netizens continued to comment, and many children also participated.
Parents stated that they only wanted the best for their children and that their words came from a good place, hoping that their children would grow up to be successful.
The children, on the other hand, said that if their parents’ criticism and denial were for their benefit, then perhaps it would be better left unsaid.
Upon serious reflection, it becomes apparent that such instances occur in most families, whether unintentionally or otherwise. Sometimes, parents may utter unkind words. Therefore, let’s refrain from saying these hurtful things to our children.
Negative and insulting words
“Why are you so stupid?”
Whether said out of anger or helplessness, this can deeply hurt a child.
Everyone has their own pace of development and lifestyle. Some children may not be as intelligent or excellent as others.
By simply labeling a child’s behavior as “stupid,” parents are negating their child’s efforts.
Alternative: “I can see that you’re struggling with this. Let’s work on it together, and I’m sure you’ll do better next time.”
“Look at someone else’s child…”
Comparison is a common issue in many Vietnamese families.
Every child is unique, with their own talents and interests. Therefore, it’s never a good idea to judge your child based on someone else’s standards.
Alternative: “I think you’re doing well in this area, but do you think we could work on improving a little? I would be very proud.”
Threatening statements
“If you keep doing this, we won’t need you anymore” or “I won’t love you anymore”
Love should be unconditional. In many families, children are sometimes put in a position of inequality.
Some parents use threatening language to try and control their child’s behavior. Over time, this can make children feel scared, anxious, and less trusting.
The feeling that their parents’ love can be withdrawn at any moment creates a significant pressure, leading children to constantly strive to please the adults.
Moreover, controlling behavior through threats can lead to the formation of unhealthy habits, such as avoidance or lying.
Alternative: “I’m worried about your safety and health. Next time, please ask me before doing anything dangerous!”
“If you keep crying, the police/monster will come and get you”
When a child cries loudly, parents instinctively try their best to comfort them, which can be a challenging task.
In such moments, many parents unconsciously resort to threats to make the child stop crying.
However, the issue is that after hearing these threats repeatedly, children can become timid and especially anxious, developing unnecessary fears about their surroundings.
Alternative: “I understand that you’re feeling sad right now, but crying won’t solve the problem. Why don’t we do something fun or talk about your feelings?”
High expectations and pressure
“You must get a high score on this exam, or else…”
All parents want their children to succeed.
As a result, they set various expectations in life. It seems that only high scores guarantee a brighter future.
However, it’s not necessarily a good thing for parents to focus solely on demands while ignoring their child’s interests and personality development. Additionally, setting unattainable goals can create immense psychological pressure for children.
Alternative: “A bright future depends on your efforts. Whatever you choose, we will support you.”
“I’ve worked very hard for you, so you must obey me”
Overwhelming love can make a child feel guilty.
Hearing these words can make a child feel pressured to meet expectations, leading to anxiety and a sense of not being good enough. While love may be strong and sincere, it can become a burden when coupled with excessive demands.
As children feel the need to live up to their parents’ expectations, they gradually lose self-confidence and the freedom to explore themselves.
They may start to feel that every decision they make must be based on what the adults want, rather than what they truly want. This hinders their ability to develop their personality, thinking skills, and creativity.
Alternative: “We love you very much, and our greatest wish is for you to grow up healthy and happy.”
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