Educational experts hypothesize that the differences in children raised in appropriately disciplined versus undisciplined environments manifest in their personalities, for better or worse, by the time they turn 12 years old.
However, being strict does not mean shouting or punishing; it requires a reasonable and thoughtful approach.
There are three “don’ts” and three “musts” of strict discipline that parents should follow to lay the foundation for their child’s future success.
3 Things Parents Should Not Do When Disciplining Their Children
Don’t Fulfill Your Child’s Every Demand Unconditionally
When parents fulfill their child’s every demand, the child develops the notion that “the world must obey me.” This indulgence leads to a lack of understanding of the value of effort and personal responsibility. When everything is provided without the need for hard work, children tend to become demanding and impatient.
When they make mistakes, it becomes challenging for them to obey their parents’ discipline. They feel entitled to demand things without accepting the consequences of their actions.
As they grow up, they may struggle with building relationships and working in teams because they haven’t learned the importance of listening to and cooperating with others.
Therefore, parents should not satisfy their children’s demands unconditionally. Instead, setting clear boundaries and rules is essential.
Don’t fulfill your child’s every demand unconditionally.
Don’t Use Verbal Aggression
Many parents unconsciously use verbal aggression when their children make mistakes:
“I’ve told you so many times, and you still don’t remember. You’re so stupid.”
“If you get a bad grade again, don’t come home.”
In reality, such threats are ineffective in discipline and can create psychological burdens or trigger rebellious behavior in children.
Instead, parents should engage in open and positive conversations, discussing issues frankly to help children understand better.
Don’t Dump Your Negative Emotions on Your Child
It’s normal for parents to have negative emotions, but when these emotions clash with their child’s mistakes, they should deal with their emotions first before disciplining their child.
This helps parents maintain calmness and creates a safe and positive environment. When parents control their emotions well, they can view issues more objectively and make reasonable decisions.
Don’t dump your negative emotions on your child.
If parents discipline their children based on their emotions, they may easily lose sight of their initial purpose and use their children as emotional outlets. In tense moments, parents may unintentionally express their anger, disappointment, or fatigue excessively, making their children feel hurt and confused about why they are being punished.
Instead of learning from their mistakes, children may feel scared or ashamed, which does not contribute to their psychological and character development.
3 Essential Things to Do to Apply Appropriate Discipline
Set Rules from an Early Age
Parents should establish rules before their child turns three years old. During this phase, children haven’t yet developed self-awareness, so they are more likely to be obedient.
When setting rules, there’s no need to be overly detailed, but the general direction should remain consistent.
For example, children should not lie, they should prioritize safety, and they should not hit others…
By setting rules early on, parents can more easily make adjustments if their child makes a mistake.
Set rules from an early age.
Enforce Consequences for Breaking the Rules
When children break the rules, parents should impose appropriate punishments to help them understand the consequences of their actions and develop a sense of responsibility. This is not just about punishment but also an opportunity for children to learn and grow.
These punishments should be educational, helping children understand why they are being punished and what they can learn from it.
For example, if a child forgets to do their homework or fails to complete a given task, instead of allowing them to watch TV or play games, parents can require them to spend extra time in the evening to finish their work. This teaches the importance of responsibility and encourages the development of organizational and time management skills.
Lead by Example
When parents lead by example, children understand that everyone must follow certain rules, and no one is exempt.
For instance, when children see their parents consistently arriving on time for appointments, they learn that respect and responsibility are essential values in life.
In essence, all education is about love. This love is not just about material care or sweet words; it’s also about guidance and discipline.
Lead by example.
This love is not just about softness; it requires flexibility and restraint. Parents need to find a balance between expressing love and setting necessary boundaries for their children.
Children need to understand that their actions can lead to specific consequences, and consistent discipline will help them feel safe and understand what is expected of them.
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