Many parents feel the need to restrict phone usage but are unsure how to manage it in a way that protects their children without damaging the parent-child relationship.
Illustrative image.
The lack of information and concerns about the impact of technology leave parents confused about making reasonable decisions. Therefore, finding an effective approach to help children use technology wisely and build a solid foundation for their development is essential.
When children ask, “Mom, why can’t I play with your phone?” the way parents react will profoundly affect their psychological and cognitive development.
If parents merely prohibit without explaining the reasons, children may feel imposed upon, leading to resistance or even excessive curiosity about phones.
Instead of creating a rigid boundary, parents can consider other responses that nurture positive family values.
Psychologist Quang Thi Mong Chi.
What impact will it have on children if parents flatly refuse and say, “No, it’s bad for your eyes!”?
When an innocent child asks, “Mom, why can’t I play with your phone?” it’s not just a simple question but also an opportunity for parents to connect, guide, and accompany their child as they grow and form healthy habits.
However, many parents, due to worry or busyness, often reflexively respond with a firm command such as, “No, it’s bad for your eyes!” or “Don’t ask again; I said no!” Even though it comes from a protective intention, this type of response can have unintended psychological and behavioral impacts on young children.
First, flatly refusing without providing an explanation can make children feel that their emotions and personal needs are being rejected. Children may not fully understand the long-term risks, such as eye damage, brain effects, or device dependency, so a short “no” can make them feel that their desires are wrong or disrespected.
Over time, this could erode their trust in their parents and create a sense of being overly controlled. Second, absolute prohibition without room for dialogue also removes the opportunity to teach children self-regulation skills, which are fundamental to their healthy development.
Instead of learning to allocate time reasonably, choose appropriate content, and regulate emotions when they can’t be satisfied, children may react with defiance, sulking, or secretly using the phone when unsupervised. If this behavior persists, children will learn to “go behind the backs” of adults instead of cooperating with them.
Third, inflexible prohibitions can easily cast parents in the role of “fun preventers,” creating distance in their relationship with their children.
In a world where technology is ubiquitous, children are not only curious but also view devices as an integral part of their learning and entertainment. If parents only forbid without guiding responsible usage, children may seek guidance from unreliable online sources or be exposed to age-inappropriate content.
What are your thoughts on the notion that if parents forbid children from using phones without guidance, this repression will simmer and explode at an uncontrollable point?
The notion that “if parents forbid children from using phones without guidance, this repression will simmer and explode at an uncontrollable point” is entirely valid, both theoretically in psychology and in the practical education of children.
Young children and teenagers are in the process of forming and developing their cognition, emotions, and self-control abilities. When a strong desire, such as accessing phones—which is associated with joy, curiosity, and a sense of connection—is completely forbidden without explanation or guidance, children can fall into a state of psychological repression.
If prolonged, this repression may not manifest immediately but will simmer over time. Children will feel that their needs are not being heard or respected, leading to dissatisfaction, a sense of being controlled, or even covert resistance.
When given the opportunity, they may try to compensate for this deprivation excessively: secretly using phones when parents are not around, staying up late to watch videos, indulging in video games, or expressing negative emotions when prevented.
In many cases, the lack of early guidance on responsible device usage can lead to more severe consequences, such as screen addiction, reduced social interaction skills, impaired academic performance, or psychological issues.
Therefore, instead of absolute prohibition, it’s crucial for parents to accompany and guide their children in using devices responsibly. This should be done through clear, flexible, and age-appropriate principles. Parents can explain to their children that phones can be fun but that excessive usage will affect their eyes, sleep, studies, and emotions.
Agreeing on usage times, choosing healthy content, engaging in some games or educational programs together, and suggesting alternative activities (such as reading, outdoor play, drawing, or socializing) will help children feel respected, empowered to make choices, and more responsible for their decisions. In conclusion, repression without guidance is like compressing a gas cylinder—the higher the pressure, the greater the risk of an explosion.
Parents need to shift from supervisors to companions, creating a positive educational environment where children learn self-control instead of being controlled. This lays the foundation for healthy development, teaching children to balance personal needs with general principles, especially in today’s evolving digital world.
How should parents respond to “Mom, why can’t I play with your phone?” to satisfy both parties?
When children ask, “Mom, why can’t I play with your phone?” it’s not just a simple question but an invitation for parents to enter their world of emotions and needs.
This question implies curiosity, a desire for fun and exploration, or a simple need for connection. To respond in a way that satisfies both parties—respecting the child’s emotions while maintaining the parent’s principles—requires a soft yet clear, empathetic response.
Instead of a short “No!” parents should start by acknowledging the child’s emotions and needs: “I know you really like playing with the phone, don’t you? That game must be so fun!”
Emotion validation helps children feel heard and prevents them from feeling dismissed or neglected. Then, parents can provide a specific and gentle explanation for why device usage needs to be limited: “But if we play for too long, our eyes will get tired, and we won’t be able to sleep well, and we’ll be tired for school tomorrow.”
More importantly, parents should propose a reasonable alternative or agreement: “How long do you think is appropriate to play for? Let’s play for 30 minutes after finishing your homework. When the time’s up, I’ll remind you to put away the phone, and we can play another game or read a story together.”
This approach sets clear boundaries while teaching children self-regulation and negotiation skills. Additionally, parents can turn device usage into a connection opportunity: “What game are you playing? Let me see!” This not only helps parents monitor content but also makes children feel cared for and accompanied, not just supervised.
In conclusion, to satisfy both parties, parents should avoid simple prohibition and opt for an emotional, reasoned, limited, and accompanying response. The child’s question doesn’t need a cold answer; it needs a warm conversation—where children feel respected, guided, and nurtured in an atmosphere of love and understanding.
Instead of imposing rules, what rules should parents establish to help children balance phone usage with other activities?
Instead of imposing rules or one-sided prohibitions, parents should work with their children to establish clear, flexible, and educational rules to help them balance phone usage with other responsibilities.
Setting rules not only controls screen time but, more importantly, provides an opportunity for children to learn self-management, discipline, and healthy living skills in the modern world. First, there should be rules about phone usage time.
Instead of allowing free access or outright prohibition, parents should agree with their children on specific daily time frames for usage, such as 30 minutes each day after finishing homework.
At the same time, establish “phone-free” times, such as during meals, before bedtime, while studying, or when the family is having quality time together. This helps children understand that phones are only a small part of their lives, not the center of all activities.
Next are rules about the purpose of usage. Children need to be guided to distinguish between using phones for learning and healthy entertainment and excessive usage or accessing inappropriate content. Parents should accompany their children in choosing content, encouraging creative games and educational videos instead of passive consumption.
Occasionally, parents can ask, “What did you learn from this game?”—a simple question that fosters critical thinking and enhances the quality of device interaction. Another important aspect is rules about responsibility. Children need to understand that phone usage must be accompanied by fulfilling their obligations, such as studying, tidying up, or helping with household chores.
The principle of “finish your work first, then play” teaches discipline and prioritization. If a child violates the rules, parents don’t need to get angry; instead, they can implement a pre-agreed consequence, such as reducing usage time the following day. This teaches children that actions have consequences, fostering personal responsibility.
In addition to boundaries, it’s crucial to provide balanced alternatives. Parents should encourage their children to engage in non-device activities like outdoor play, reading, drawing, socializing, or helping with household chores.
They can create a daily schedule with their children, where phone time is a small, reasonable part, interspersed with study, exercise, and rest. When children have various non-device entertainment options, the desire for phone usage will naturally decrease without coercion.
Finally, establish rules about accompaniment. Instead of leaving children alone with their devices, parents should actively join them—play games together, watch videos together, and discuss what interests them. This not only helps parents monitor content but also strengthens their connection, making children feel shared and trusted.
When children encounter inappropriate content or face difficulties, they will be more likely to confide in their parents instead of hiding it from them. In conclusion, usage rules should be based on accompaniment, respect, and education, not absolute control. When children are involved in creating the rules, listened to, and given clear explanations, they will be more cooperative, forming healthy technology habits that balance with other aspects of their daily lives. This is also an important step in their comprehensive development in today’s digital era.
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