“Two ‘Nos’ in Middle Age Prove You’re Wise Beyond Your Years”

1. Refrain from boasting about your intelligence

A man, upon transferring to a new department, found himself without a single friend. It turned out that he believed he was on the rise in his career, and so he boasted about his talents and opportunities to anyone who would listen, even to those who asked for his help.

Instead of feeling happy for him, his colleagues gradually distanced themselves. He noticed this change but couldn’t understand why.

One day, after drinking with friends at home, he again boasted about his successes. After his friends had left, his father, a long-time leader, pulled him aside and said, “From now on, don’t keep talking about your promotion with your colleagues and friends.”

“What’s the big deal, Dad?” he disagreed. “I just want everyone to be happy for me. Besides, my promotion isn’t something to be ashamed of, so why can’t I talk about it?”

His father replied sternly, “Haven’t you noticed their eyes and expressions? Some look down on you, some are envious, and some despise you. You’re so caught up in your pride that you’re blind to it all. Son, you don’t understand.”

He finally realized his mistake. From that day on, he stopped boasting and instead listened to his colleagues and friends talk about their successes. Gradually, the once-lonely man became someone loved by all.

As the philosopher Schopenhauer once said, “Boasting of talent and displaying one’s intelligence is indirectly mocking the slowness and incompetence of others.” This not only reveals one’s shallowness but can also offend others.

In middle age, true strength lies in humility. Only by concealing one’s sharpness and maintaining simplicity can one truly live out their depth in a humble way.

We often think that talent deserves to be flaunted and that we must always strive for the top spot. However, as we mature and life humbles us, we realize that the true wisdom of life lies in “hiding.” As the saying goes, “A gentleman should be wise but not reveal it, and talented but not boast about it, for he has the strength to bear heavy responsibilities.”

By putting aside arrogance, we shield ourselves from public and private criticism. By hiding our intelligence, we can go further.

2. Do not try to change others’ “foolishness”

There’s a saying, “Don’t talk to a dog on a rainy day.” This originates from a fascinating story.

A passerby saw a dog walking in the heavy rain and felt sorry for it, so he tried to share his umbrella. But the dog resisted, signaling with its eyes, “I’m enjoying my walk in the rain; it has nothing to do with you.” The author of this saying was inspired by this incident and penned those words. He mused that we often think we are rich while others are poor, but in reality, we’re all walking in the same rainstorm—we don’t need to interfere with each other’s journeys.

In middle age, situations like this often arise in our lives. For example, when someone stays up late to watch a movie, you insistently warn them about the health risks. Or, when someone is emotionally hurt, you, as the more experienced one, advise them to be more open-minded and not take things to heart. Doing so will only make others uncomfortable and push them away.

When interacting with others, resist the urge to fix them. It’s easy to hurt others, but trying to change them is much harder. Pointing out their flaws and mistakes to showcase your intelligence not only reveals your lack of self-cultivation but also creates conflicts.

The renowned Chinese writer Mo Yan, after gaining fame, was often asked by his readers to share his methods for reading and writing. Mo Yan only offered two points in his essay “Miscellaneous Talk on Reading”:

“First, reading is like dressing up; everyone has their own way. My guidance may influence your reading habits.”

“Second, my daughter is in middle school, and I’ve never taught her her lessons. Times have changed, and my old methods may not suit her.”

In Mo Yan’s view, everyone is unique, and personal experiences can become outdated. Thus, he refrains from instructing others hastily.

As the saying goes, “Different positions, no need to force; different perceptions, less talk is precious.”

In middle age, don’t try to change others’ “foolishness.” When you see someone making a mistake, don’t be quick to point it out. Let them experience and grow on their own.

In any situation, listen more and talk less, giving the younger generation a chance to shine. By refraining from pointing fingers and resisting the urge to fix others, you’ll achieve the most challenging self-cultivation of middle age.