Michele Borba, a psychological expert, has summarized 7 elements that help children grow up to be successful and lead a more comfortable life:
Confidence
Confident children tend to have a more successful life than those who lack this quality. Confidence is the result of doing well, where children dare to face obstacles, find solutions, and overcome them on their own. Confident children know that they can fail but also recover, which is why we must free ourselves from negative emotions. However, parents should not equate confidence with self-esteem. Confidence means understanding one’s inner strength and believing in oneself to overcome difficulties, while self-esteem means valuing kindness and rejecting help when one is capable of doing it on their own.
Empathy
Empathy can take three forms: emotional empathy, which involves sharing and sensing others’ emotions; compassionate empathy, which motivates us to act with hidden sincerity; and cognitive empathy, which means understanding others’ thoughts or putting ourselves in their shoes. Children who empathize with others when they grow up tend to be trusted and trusted individuals.
To create empathy in children, parents can follow these methods:
Label emotions: Intentionally name the emotions in context to help children build emotional vocabulary: “You seem happy!”; “You seem upset.”
Ask questions to the child: Before a situation, ask questions to the child such as “How does it make you feel?”; “You seem scared. Did mommy/daddy do the right thing?”.
Share emotions: Children can share their emotions when they feel safe and when they see their parents willing to share their emotions with them. Therefore, to help children share their emotions, you also need to create a space for sharing your own emotions. You can say things like “Mom doesn’t sleep much, so she’s irritable”; “Mom feels bored with this book,” which helps children get used to sharing their own emotions.
Pay attention to others: When in front of a crowd, you can make your child aware of everyone’s body language. For example, ask “What do you think that man is feeling?”; “Have you ever felt like this?”.
Autonomy
A child with autonomy will learn to control their own emotions and thoughts. One way to teach autonomy is to give signals. Some children have difficulty switching between activities. That’s why teachers use “attention signals” such as bells or verbal signals, saying “Put your pencil down, look up.”
Here are some phrases that can help parents get their child’s attention: “Mommy/daddy needs your attention in a minute”; “Are you ready to listen?”. Another technique is to use tense pauses. Slowing down gives children time to think. Teach them “pause reminders” that they can use to remind themselves to pause and think before acting: “If you’re angry, count to 10 before responding”; “When in doubt: Stop, think, calm down”; “Don’t say anything you don’t want others to say about you.”
Integrity
Children with integrity will build trust with the community, helping them establish their value in life. To teach children integrity, you need to walk the talk and lead by example. Parents also need to listen and be patient with their children to foster integrity in them.
Curiosity
Curiosity is not a bad thing; it stimulates children to explore. However, they need to be curious about things that are useful, not just to gossip or speak ill of others, invade others’ privacy.
You can stimulate curiosity in your child with interesting games for them to explore and stimulate their curiosity to achieve specific entertainment achievements. To stimulate your child’s curiosity, you can frequently use phrases like “Let’s see what will happen!”. Instead of providing an answer, ask: “What do you think?”; “How do you know?”; “How can you find out?”
Finally, when reading a book, watching a movie, or just passing by someone, use questions like “Mom/dad doesn’t know where she’s going”; “Mom/dad wonders why they did that”; “Mom/dad wonders what will happen next”.
Perseverance
Perseverance is a characteristic of successful individuals. Those who lack perseverance or give up are considered failures. Therefore, one must persevere to achieve goals. Teach your child perseverance by being persistent and patient. Encourage your child when they have not accomplished anything yet. Encourage them for the joy of accomplishment. Show them that perseverance has meaning, and they will follow suit.
Optimism
Optimistic children see challenges and obstacles as temporary and surmountable, so they are more likely to succeed. Optimism also makes it easier for children to connect with the world. People like optimistic individuals more than individuals who are insecure and prone to negative talk.
To make children optimistic, parents cannot be negative or complain all the time. Therefore, when facing any difficulties, look for the most positive direction because if you think it’s difficult, nothing will change, but if you look in the most positive direction, you may find a better solution.
Therefore, to help your child become successful individuals, the first thing is for parents to change their mindset to approach these elements. From there, you can teach your child these things.
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