How Parents’ Common Sayings Ruin Children’s Future but Many People Still Fall for It

Adults often underestimate how much children understand and remember. The truth is, hurtful words can stick with a child and have long-lasting effects.

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Parents, please never belittle your children like this:

You are nothing!

If you always tell your child that they are worth nothing, they will become unbalanced and addicted to proving themselves, to escaping from and defeating you. This statement also makes children feel unsafe in their own home. They will become unhappy, prone to depression, anxiety, and stress.

You can’t do it?

Maybe your child is slower than others, maybe they find the task easy but can’t do it. You might think that this discouragement will motivate your child, but it will actually make them feel worthless. Instead of criticizing your child, show them some encouragement like “Just a little more, you’re almost there.” Encouragement will give them the strength to continue.

Hurry up!

Don’t create additional stress that will make your child feel overwhelmed. Instead, say something simple and gentle like “Try harder, we’re running late.”

Go somewhere else!

If your child is being nosy, it’s annoying but don’t dismiss them rudely. Be polite and say “Could you wait for me to finish talking?” or “You can go to the next room and play, I’ll be with you shortly.” Give your child the role of an individual, and they will learn to respect themselves and others, including you.

You want too many things

If your child keeps asking for things, instead of refusing and blaming them, explain why they can’t have it and why you can’t fulfill their request at the moment. Constant criticism will discourage them from pursuing their own desires. Encourage them to do better instead, so they can achieve their goals.

You messed up again, let me do it

Letting your child try and fail might cost you time and money, but it’s a way to teach them how to do things and prevent them from relying on you in the long run. If you always take over, your child won’t know how to do anything, and they will feel they are useless and unappreciated. Let them try, even if they fail, and guide them on how to improve. It’s a valuable lesson that will help them develop their skills.

I need peace and quiet!

If your child is bothering you, instead of saying “I need peace and quiet,” say “I need a moment to rest, we’ll play again soon.” If you are too focused on your work and your child needs help, don’t ignore them. Say “I’m busy for a few more minutes, wait for me, and I’ll help you.”

You can do better

When your child achieves something, acknowledge their efforts. However, don’t always say “You can do better.” This will raise their expectations and make them feel that they haven’t succeeded yet. Instead, encourage them with “You did a great job, do you think you can do even better next time?” High expectations can create stress and anxiety.

I’m ashamed of you

When your child is still young, avoid blaming them like this. It will make them feel guilty. Explain their mistakes and guide them to do better next time. Say “I don’t think you did it correctly, next time you should… and I believe you will do better.”

You will never succeed

Lack of trust from parents is a sharp knife that cuts off a child’s hope and belief. Parents’ trust is the leverage for a child to strive for the future. If parents deny their child’s capabilities, the child will lose confidence and won’t strive for anything. Letting a child discover their strengths in the right areas will create an exceptional talent. Constant criticism will only discourage them. As children grow older, if parents lose trust, they will exhibit negative behavior, feeling unloved and recognized. Be cautious with your words when talking to your child.

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Is my family poor? How would you answer? Your response determines my future.

When children ask questions, parents should not just provide answers. Especially the way parents answer these questions will shape the future of their children.

Frequently asked questions

Some common sayings that parents often use can have a negative impact on their children’s future. For example, telling a child that they are ‘stupid’ or ‘useless’ can lower their self-esteem and motivation. Such words can also lead to a fixed mindset, where the child believes that their intelligence or abilities are unchangeable, hindering their growth mindset and adaptability.

Calling a child ‘stupid’ or ‘useless’ can be harmful as it may lead to a fixed mindset, which is the belief that basic qualities like intelligence or talent are simply fixed traits. This can cause children to become afraid of challenges and failures, avoiding tasks that could help them grow and learn. It may also lower their self-esteem and motivation, affecting their academic and social development.

Parents can promote a growth mindset by praising their children’s efforts and processes instead of their innate traits. For example, saying ‘I’m proud of the hard work you put into this project’ instead of ‘You’re so smart’. This encourages children to value learning and improvement, helping them develop resilience and a positive attitude towards challenges.

Sayings like ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees’ or ‘You can’t always get what you want’ can create a negative mindset around money and materialism. Instead, parents can teach financial responsibility by involving children in family financial discussions and encouraging them to earn and manage their own money. Additionally, statements like ‘Because I said so’ can discourage children from thinking critically and independently.

Parents can set clear rules and boundaries while still fostering a growth mindset. Discipline should focus on teaching and guiding children rather than solely punishing them. Explaining the reasons behind rules and involving children in creating solutions can help them understand consequences and develop self-discipline.