## When Shouting and Spanking Are No Longer Viable Options
There’s no denying it: the way we discipline our children is changing.
For generations, shouting and spanking were considered normal and effective ways to discipline children. However, research and experience have shown that these negative disciplinary strategies can lead to negative long-term effects, including defiance, lying, and withdrawal.
Ms. Thu Huong from Ho Chi Minh City, a mother of an 8-year-old boy, shared her experience: “I used to shout at my son or make him face the wall whenever he misbehaved. But this only made him more defiant, and he would look at me with fearful eyes. I felt like I was losing my child.”
Today’s children are exposed to technology from an early age, are more knowledgeable, and are more likely to question authority. The old and rigid disciplinary methods can create a further rift between parents and their children.
Understanding “Discipline Without Tears”
This modern parenting approach is based on positive discipline, where parents refrain from physical punishment or hurtful words. Instead, it emphasizes setting clear boundaries, positive communication, and emotional support for the child.
As explained by Dr. Nguyen Hoang Anh, a psychologist: “Discipline Without Tears doesn’t mean spoiling your child. It’s about being strict in a loving way. Parents need to help their children understand the consequences of their actions, rather than just being afraid.”
This method is especially suitable for raising emotionally healthy children in today’s society, ensuring their holistic development.
3 Core Principles for Disciplining Your Child Without Shouting
Communicate Instead of Commanding
Instead of shouting “Be quiet!”, try saying, “I understand you’re upset, let’s talk quietly and work this out together.” Children tend to respond better when their emotions are acknowledged and respected, rather than being forced to comply.
Set Clear but Flexible Limits
For example, if your child refuses to study, instead of shouting, negotiate a schedule that includes both study and playtime. This gives your child a sense of control and teaches them responsibility.
Praise and Correct Mistakes Skillfully
Don’t hold back on praising your child when they do something good, but avoid using rewards as bribes. When they make a mistake, analyze the consequences together instead of labeling them as “naughty” or “disobedient.”
Technology: Friend or Foe?
One common challenge for parents today is managing their children’s screen time. Instead of imposing a complete ban, experts suggest making technology your friend, just as you would make friends with your child.
Ms. Mai Anh, a mother of two school-aged children from Hanoi, shared her experience: “I stopped snatching my children’s phones. Instead, we choose educational YouTube channels together and set a timer to watch them every evening. As a result, my children no longer sneak their phones.”
The key is to accompany them on their digital journey, not control it. When parents understand what their children are exposed to, they can provide better guidance.
Gentle Discipline, Lasting Connection
Remember, children may not remember the punishments, but they will remember how they felt when they were shouted at, ignored, or met with coldness. Every child needs an adult who can calmly say, “You made a mistake, but I still love you.”
Positive discipline may not yield immediate results, but over time, your child will develop good habits and learn to think and act more appropriately.
Final Words of Encouragement for Parents
Parenting in the modern era is a unique journey for each family, but Discipline Without Tears offers a bridge between love and rules. Parents don’t have to be perfect; they just need to be understanding and persistent. When children are loved correctly, they will grow up happy, and that is every parent’s wish.
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