When Words Fall on Deaf Ears: A Common Parental Fatigue
I used to feel deflated after every conversation with my teenage son. Whether I tried to be patient, gently persuasive, or firmly “talk straight,” all I got in response was a nonchalant nod or a slammed door.
I’m not alone. According to a ZingNews survey, up to 63% of parents feel helpless when communicating with their children aged 13-18, especially if their child tends to be withdrawn or rebellious.
“The more parents talk, the more defensive children become. Imposed emotions cause children to want to defend themselves with silence or rebellion,” said psychologist Nguyen Hoang Khac Hieu, as quoted in Vietnamnet.
So, what can we do when words – the traditional tool of parents – become useless?
What is the Silent Footsteps Strategy?
I call it “silent footsteps” because it’s not loud, dogmatic, or showy. It’s a way of teaching children through the silent actions of parents: living right, living beautifully, and living persistently – so that children can see and learn, not because they are forced to, but because they realize it on their own.
This strategy is based on a simple belief: children don’t learn from what we say, but from how we live every day.
For example:
- Instead of scolding my son when he was lazy about studying, I started getting up early to read a book in the living room. I did this every day, like a ritual.
- When my son became selfish, I quietly prepared a meal for his grandparents and invited him to join, without any judgmental comments.
- Whenever my son lost control of his emotions, I didn’t react harshly. I simply stepped outside, took a few deep breaths, and then returned to offer him a glass of water.
At first, my son remained indifferent. But gradually, he began to change. Not because I forced him to, but because he saw the value in this “silent yet meaningful” approach.
Why is this Strategy Effective?
According to Master of Psychology Dang Hoang An, quoted in Dan Tri, “teenagers are very sensitive to hypocrisy. If parents say one thing and do another, children will react very negatively.”
On the other hand, when children see their parents consistently practicing what they preach – or even just living virtuously without saying a word – they will gradually develop the ability to observe and reflect on themselves.
What’s special about the “silent footsteps” approach is that:
- It doesn’t put pressure on children.
- It avoids arguments about right and wrong.
- It gives children space to introspect.
And most importantly: it helps rebuild the emotional connection that is so fragile during adolescence – through the gentle yet profound presence of the parents.
A True Story – The Power of Silence
I once read a story on VnExpress about a mother in Hanoi whose son was addicted to video games. She tried everything: cutting off the wifi, confiscating his devices, even sending him to a game addiction rehab center. But her son only grew to resent her.
Finally, she chose the “silent footsteps” approach:
- Every morning, she left a glass of milk on her son’s desk.
- On weekends, she invited him to walk in the park without uttering a word of reproach.
- And she started playing games herself to understand her son better, then quietly suggested more educational alternatives.
Two years later, her son was accepted into a prestigious information technology university – and it was he who shared: “My mother never lectured me, but she made me look at myself.”
Parenting is Also a Journey of Self-Improvement
Teaching children through silence doesn’t mean passively enduring or giving up. It’s a conscious choice that requires emotional discipline and perseverance.
It demands that parents work on themselves first, so they can remain calm when their children are rude, be forgiving when their children are thoughtless, and be strong enough to love their children without needing to control them.
In Conclusion: A Small Step, A Big Change
If you’re feeling helpless, and if all the advice, rewards, or punishments are no longer working – try taking silent steps.
Be the first to light a candle in the darkness. Even if the light is small, if maintained consistently, it will illuminate the path for both you and your child.
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