## When Your Child’s Emotions Are Running High
When your child’s emotions are like a “little storm”
Ms. Mai from Hanoi shared that her 6-year-old son throws tantrums and starts yelling and throwing things whenever he’s not allowed to play with the iPad. This is not an isolated case but a common reality for many parents today. Children are increasingly expressing their emotions intensely, especially when their desires are not immediately met. Many parents either resort to scolding or giving in to their demands to keep the peace. However, both approaches can have long-term consequences on a child’s psychological development.
What is the “Bamboo Method”?
The image of bamboo conveys a message from nature – to be resilient and bend with the wind, yet remain firmly rooted and unbreakable. Like bamboo, the “Bamboo Method” encourages parents to be flexible and understanding towards their children’s emotions and behaviors while also setting clear boundaries. This approach helps build a parent-child relationship founded on empathy and well-defined limits. There’s no need for shouting or giving in; instead, it’s about knowing when to be soft and when to be firm. That’s the hallmark of a modern-day parent.
Softness – When Parents Choose to Listen Before Teaching
One of the most important aspects is to listen to your child’s emotions instead of interrupting or judging. Labeling emotions, such as saying, “I understand you’re feeling sad,” helps children feel validated and reduces negative reactions. Create a safe space for your child to express their emotions without fear of reprimand. Accept their emotions but not unacceptable behaviors; for example, it’s okay to feel sad, but it’s not okay to hit. Use positive language like, “Can you try speaking more softly so I can understand you better?” to teach healthy communication skills.
Firmness – Setting Clear and Loving Limits
Children need boundaries to feel safe and secure. Establish rules ahead of time and be consistent in enforcing them, regardless of your emotions. When your child crosses the line, explain the specific consequences, such as, “If you don’t put away your toys, you won’t be able to play with them tomorrow.” More importantly, teach them problem-solving and emotion regulation skills instead of solely focusing on punishment. A child who understands why they were wrong and knows how to make amends will learn a deeper lesson.
Why is the “Bamboo Method” Effective?
According to Ms. Nguyen Thi Thanh Huyen, a child psychology expert at the Center for Research and Application of Psychological and Educational Sciences, young children are not lacking in willpower but in self-regulation skills. When parents apply the soft-firm approach flexibly, children learn self-control and also feel respected. As a result, family relationships become closer, and oppositional behaviors decrease significantly. Children also develop self-confidence and self-regulation abilities, which are crucial for their journey to adulthood. Families experience less tension and more collaboration.
Real-Life Scenarios: Soft but Unyielding
Scenario 1: Your child demands to buy a toy in the supermarket and gets angry when refused.
- Softness: “I know you really like that toy.”
- Firmness: “But we didn’t plan to buy anything extra today. Let’s put it on your wish list, and we can review it together over the weekend.”
Scenario 2: Your child hits a friend when their toy is taken.
- Softness: “I understand you feel upset when your friend took your toy.”
- Firmness: “However, hitting is not acceptable. You need to apologize to your friend, and we’ll find a solution together if this happens again.”
What Parents Should Keep in Mind
Patience is key when applying this method. Children won’t change after one or two conversations, so consistency and perseverance from parents are crucial. Family members should also coordinate to avoid confusing the child. Each child is unique, so parents need to adjust the approach accordingly. If you feel overwhelmed or ineffective, don’t hesitate to seek support from a child psychology expert.
Conclusion: Loving Your Child Doesn’t Mean Giving In
Parenting is not about control or coercion but about companionship and guidance. The “Bamboo Method” allows parents to maintain their firmness while also offering enough love and understanding to heal. When parents choose to befriend their children’s emotions instead of fighting them, children learn to befriend themselves. While the journey of raising a child is challenging, it’s also a path that helps parents grow and evolve. And the most precious outcome is nurturing a child who knows how to love, understand, and master themselves.
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