My husband loves swearing in bed – I thought it was perverted until I met a therapist

Sometimes, using slang in a relationship can be seen as a psychological trick. However, both partners have to agree with it in order to avoid tension.

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My husband is a quiet and gentle man. He never swears and is not the type to talk a lot. He is not a successful man who makes a lot of money. He is just an ordinary worker, earning enough to support our family, spending time with close friends, coming home to cook with me, and enjoying a cup of tea or an occasional cigarette on the street. Sometimes he goes out for a drink with his friends, but it’s always with close friends, and he sometimes invites me to join. So I am confident that he does not have any external affairs.

But since we first got together, I was shocked to hear the words he said while we were intimate. Those words went beyond my expectations of his behavior and what I thought of him during the day. So at that time, I was shocked. And at that time, I didn’t know much about him and his relationships, so I was suspicious and confused. Could it be that the sophisticated man during the day is just a facade, and the man who speaks such obscene words is the real him? And the truth is, at times I wondered if he only pursued a relationship with me because of that. At that time, we were both over 30.

I decided to boldly tell him that I didn’t like hearing those words, especially about that activity. He innocently said, “Oh, you don’t like it wild in bed. He is like that, very human, letting go of himself and returning to his instincts.” I was quite conflicted when he said that. Because in reality, he only used words, he didn’t have any rough actions towards me, and he cared a lot about my emotions, and his actions were gentle and attentive. If those words were accompanied by rough actions, maybe I would have run away from that day.

Finally, I saw him restrain his words, but it seemed to make him more emotionally bound. Until I researched it online and consulted with experts, I realized that many people like to speak deviant words like him, and it is a way to stimulate the brain so that the whole body and mind think about it and reach a higher state. Those words are rich in realistic imagery, making it easier for people to reach their peak.

I opened up to that matter. And I also tried to speak those words to myself instead of the standard words that can be used in public, words that only two people speak to each other. Unexpectedly, gradually after that, I became better at speaking obscenities than my husband because my language skills are better than his. I have to say that my husband initially encouraged it, and then he said, “You’re better than me now.” We are quite comfortable with that and when we talk about it with each other. But it’s also a secret, because in normal life, it’s hard for anyone to hear me use any vulgar words. It turns out that love is so rich like that. I’m glad that I was able to be open-minded and harmonious with him in using such language.

What are your thoughts on using deviant words to enhance the emotions in a marital relationship?

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