Nine years ago, when Li Yang hung up his military uniform and donned an apron, he never imagined that the journey of fatherhood would be so long. While his former comrades were mostly striving for and achieving success in their careers, Li Yang’s world narrowed to the confines of the kitchen and the changing table. Amidst the mountains of bottles that needed constant washing and the never-ending housework, Li Yang embarked on a path as a full-time father, a road less traveled by men.
Surviving the “Island of Solitude”: Trading the Uniform for an Apron
“I had no idea what my life would be like, and everything felt so uncertain.” Li Yang shared these honest thoughts as he recalled his third year of being a stay-at-home dad.
In 2016, when Li Yang decided to end his 12-year military career to stay home and care for his child, his life changed drastically. While he used to be invited to gatherings with friends, he now had to stay home to look after his child. After missing a few get-togethers, the phone calls became less frequent and eventually stopped. On a rare occasion when he was able to attend a gathering, his friends talked about their career advancements and project progress, while he could only share about “the baby’s feeding schedule and the perfect water temperature.”
The sudden decline in social interactions led Li Yang to quickly slip into a state of spiritual isolation. His wife initially lacked understanding and set strict requirements for him: bottles had to be neatly arranged, and meals had to be nutritionally balanced. Under this intense pressure, Li Yang began to resist communication. There were days when he didn’t wash his face or shave. At the worst point, he wouldn’t even respond when his wife came home and talked to him. In the depths of his despair, he would wander the cold streets in the middle of the night for hours, just to temporarily escape his home.
“Depression doesn’t come out of nowhere; it’s the accumulation of countless moments of being misunderstood”, Li Yang reminisced.
In traditional perceptions, men are expected to be the breadwinners of the family. Being a full-time father meant that Li Yang constantly faced the same question when standing in line at the supermarket or walking his child in the neighborhood: “Are you not working today?”
Li Yang never imagined that his depression would significantly impact his older daughter. Due to prolonged isolation at home with limited language stimulation, his two-year-old daughter could only speak single words when she started preschool. It wasn’t until two months later that her language skills gradually improved.
Reconstructing Values: From “Useless” to “The Male Version of the Housekeeping Textbook”
A turning point came in 2020. Li Yang’s wife, who worked in the beauty industry, encountered a career setback and had to stay home, experiencing the 24/7 demands of childcare.
“In less than a week, she was on the verge of a breakdown”, Li Yang recalled his wife’s struggle as she was constantly demanded by their two children.
It was only when she personally experienced the relentless nature of motherhood, day and night, that she truly understood Li Yang’s contributions over the years. His once strict and harsh wife now proudly proclaimed to everyone: “I’m so grateful for my husband. He’s amazing.”
After the family dynamic was adjusted, Li Yang began documenting his daily life as a full-time father on short video platforms. He named his account “@Yang Ca’s Diaper Dad Journey.”
Through his videos, he showcased his daily routine, how he prepared nutritious breakfasts in 10 minutes, or folded his daughters’ clothes in 3 minutes. Each video sparked debates in the comments section: some called him “useless”, while many young mothers left messages like “this made me tear up”, “he’s the ideal father figure”, and “finally, a man who understands the life of a full-time mother”.
“The warmest moments are when my children offer me their favorite treats first and say, ‘Dad, you eat first.'” Li Yang cherishes and documents these small yet illuminating moments in his account.
Currently, his Douyin account has almost 90,000 followers. His fans affectionately refer to him as “the male version of the housekeeping textbook” and “the ideal father figure.”
A New Path for Fathers: The Apron as a Badge of Honor
In his residential community, Li Yang is the only father regularly seen among the crowd of grandparents taking their grandchildren for walks. Surrounded by elderly caregivers, he is jokingly referred to as “a friend of the elderly.” This role reversal brings unexpected surprises: “My wife is very relieved because downstairs, I only interact with people over 60 years old.”
This self-deprecating joke reflects the unique challenges faced by full-time fathers. According to a 2022 report from Liepin, 37.76% of men are willing to become full-time fathers if one parent has to stay home to care for their child. While perceptions are gradually changing, doubts about “depending on their wives’ income” still surface occasionally.
Economic pressure is a constant companion. Li Yang shared that for the past nine years, their family has been living off their savings from his wife’s former beauty business. Currently, one-third of their monthly income is spent on their children’s tutoring classes.
“The scariest thing is when my child wants to buy something, and I have to say, ‘Dad doesn’t have the money.'” Li Yang has started to take his Douyin account seriously, often editing videos late at night after the children have fallen asleep. He no longer worries about the definition of a “proper job.” For him, providing for his family is the most important job.
This Father’s Day, his two daughters used their allowance to buy him his favorite food, and the older one even baked him a small cake.
“Wishing you a long life, Dad. I love you forever.”
Li Yang was overjoyed. At the bottom of the suitcase he brought home from the army nine years ago still lies his neatly folded military uniform. Now, the apron, stained with grease, has become his most frequently worn garment. “The military uniform is a badge of honor, but this apron is even more so”, his wife said.
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