Don’t Let Your Child’s Intelligence Be “Stolen” by These 4 Behaviors: A Guide for Parents to Nurture Their Child’s Potential

Parents prone to losing emotional control

Many parents feel helpless when faced with their children’s mischievous and disobedient behavior.

“I don’t mean to provoke the child, but it seems that he only reacts when I raise my voice.”

“Every time I lose emotional control, I feel extremely guilty, but the next time I still can’t control myself.”

When faced with “emotional outbursts,” parents can find many reasons for their behavior.

In 2015, a group of neuroscientists at UCLA conducted a long-term study.

In the study, the experts found that the connection between the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex of adolescents who had experienced prolonged emotional stress from their parents would weaken, directly impacting their ability to regulate emotions and make decisions.

In 2017, the research team delved deeper and discovered that adolescents who had endured prolonged emotional stress from their parents had a 12% increase in gray matter volume in their brains, indicating that these children might struggle with emotional management.

In 2019, researchers also found that children who had experienced prolonged emotional stress from their parents showed reduced volume in their amygdala and hippocampus, regions closely associated with emotional responses and long-term memory.

Thus, parents’ emotional outbursts weaken their children’s ability to regulate emotions, affecting memory and cognitive development.

In daily life, we often observe the following phenomena:

When parents help their children with homework and lose emotional control due to their child’s lack of understanding, the children tend to become confused, and their academic performance suffers.

This is because the child’s brain’s cognitive and perceptual abilities are affected when they are under stress and anxious.

If this situation persists, the child’s attention span and reaction time will gradually decrease, leading to slower responses.

When dealing with children’s issues, parents should try “gentle teaching” and communicate with their children in a gentle yet firm tone to achieve genuine educational effectiveness.

When parents feel their emotions escalating, they should temporarily remove themselves from the situation and reconnect with their children after calming down. Learning to manage emotions is a form of growth for both parents and children.

Inappropriate encouragement and feedback can lead to a fixed mindset in children

A study conducted by psychologists revealed the profound impact of motivational methods on children’s thinking.

In the study, two groups of children were asked to complete a series of increasingly difficult puzzles.

The tasks started relatively easy but became more challenging. Faced with increasing difficulties, some children became restless and even rebellious, eventually choosing to give up.

Others remained highly engaged and motivated. They enthusiastically exclaimed: “This challenge is fantastic!” “I love solving problems!”

After an in-depth analysis, the psychologists discovered that the key to distinguishing their behavior lay in their mindsets.

Children with a fixed mindset tend to believe that their abilities are fixed. They fear failure and exposing their weaknesses, so they avoid taking on more complex tasks, limiting their potential for growth.

In contrast, children with a growth mindset believe that they can improve through continuous effort. They embrace new challenges with enthusiasm and maintain optimism even in the face of failure.

This mindset stimulates more active brain activity, and over time, their thinking becomes more agile.

In daily life, the way parents encourage and provide feedback significantly influences the formation of their children’s mindsets.

For example, overly focusing on children’s “talent” or giving vague praise like “good job” can be counterproductive. Similarly, when children fail, parents tend to criticize them with statements like “You’re useless,” “You’re so stupid,” or “You can’t do anything.” These comments unintentionally foster a fixed mindset in children and hinder their progress.

To motivate children more effectively, parents should focus on praising their efforts, perseverance, and specific problem-solving strategies, such as “You’ve been working really hard on this” or “I’m glad you’re so patient and careful.”

When children encounter failure, parents should avoid outright denial but help them analyze the reasons behind it and guide them to focus on improving their learning methods and skills.

When children learn to approach failures and challenges with a growth mindset, believing in their ability to achieve breakthroughs, their path to growth widens.

Over-restraint and negative evaluation

Psychologists conducted an experiment with a hungry dog:

They placed a hungry dog in a room with food, and the dog could reach the food with a simple jump.

However, the experimenter placed a transparent glass plate between the dog and the food. Initially, the dog enthusiastically jumped towards the food but was blocked by the glass plate each time.

As time passed, the dog tried less and less, and eventually, it gave up entirely. Even after the glass plate was removed, the dog stopped trying to get the food.

This experiment revealed a profound truth: when individuals face repeated failures, they can fall into a state of helplessness and give up trying.

In family life, certain parental behaviors can also become invisible “glass plates” that restrict children’s development, leading them to develop a “dog mindset,” characterized by doubt, helplessness, and a lack of courage to explore in the realm of learning.

On the one hand, parents tend to deny their children and attach negative labels such as “You never do well in school,” “You’re such a disappointment,” “You don’t meet expectations,” “You’re cowardly,” or “You’re lazy.”

On the other hand, parents overly restrain their children’s behavior, not accepting this or that, and harshly criticizing them when they make mistakes.

As children grow up, these evaluations from their parents deeply influence their self-perception.

With the premise of ensuring safety and adhering to rules, children should be encouraged to try and explore, even if they make mistakes.

In this process, children can use their senses to think and learn, promoting brain development and improving their auditory, visual, tactile, and other abilities, thus becoming increasingly intelligent.

Providing children with numerous opportunities to experience success can boost their confidence.

Instead of criticism, use more positive language to express your expectations of your children.

These positive psychological signals and words will encourage children to develop in the direction you desire.

Children addicted to “empty glory”

Many games attract children’s attention and gradually lead to dependence. Apart from the impact of games, the Internet also plays a significant role.

The rapid popularity of the Internet and the development of social media have indeed provided more opportunities for interaction and self-expression for children.

Sharing their lives and exchanging ideas through social platforms can expand their social connections and broaden their horizons. However, this also brings new challenges.

These challenges revolve around children becoming addicted to online social media, considering “virtual glory” as the focal point of their lives, neglecting their studies and personal development. For children in the character-forming stage, this “emptiness” can be detrimental.

Especially during adolescence, a crucial period for developing a healthy self-perception, if children become too addicted to these superficial and transient online identities, their sense of self-worth becomes fragile, and they find it challenging to focus on long-term endeavors.

If this continues, children may become impulsive and impatient, disappointed with their achievements in the real world, and unable to cultivate a deep-thinking spirit, leading to a sense of “emptiness.”

In this regard, parental guidance is essential. It is necessary to address the root cause, orient the development of their hobbies, and cultivate the right values in children.

First, parents should be willing to invest time and energy in activities with their children, such as outdoor sports, community service, and scientific and artistic exploration.

These real-life interactions and diverse experiences will enrich their emotional world and divert their attention from superficial online pursuits.

Second, parents can help children discover and develop their potential. By carefully observing their interests and talents, encourage them to engage in activities that foster deep interests. When children are passionate about their pursuits, they will naturally pay less attention to the Internet.

Third, parents should focus on instilling qualities such as perseverance, diligence, and persistence, as well as core values like self-discipline, responsibility, and teamwork.

These tangible qualities and values will help children build a solid inner foundation, maintain mental clarity, and remain steadfast in the face of online temptations, ultimately enabling them to take charge of their future development.