From a psychological perspective, children can feel hurt when parents convey the message, “Your feelings don’t matter, just endure and it will pass.”
In fact, children have a need for social interaction and cannot always play alone. If parents consistently respond in this manner over an extended period, children may develop avoidance or hostile attitudes.
Hence, there are three effective ways to help children improve their EQ, learn to manage their emotions, and become more likable.
“I understand, I’ve been rejected before too.”
In this scenario, instead of rushing to offer advice, acknowledge your child’s feelings. This is crucial as it validates their emotions and makes them feel valued. You could give them a hug or repeat what they said to show your empathy, such as, “Oh, you’re feeling let down because your friends didn’t want to play with you.” This type of phrasing demonstrates your understanding of their experience.
When your child’s emotions are recognized and accepted, they will naturally calm down. This understanding creates a safe space for them to express their feelings without fear of judgment. They learn that it’s okay to feel sad or disappointed and develop healthy emotional regulation skills.
Once your child has calmed down, work together to find a solution. One effective approach is to encourage them to think about their options. For instance, you could ask: “Do you think there might be another way to play with your friends?” This prompts them to explore new approaches.
“I wonder why they don’t want to play together. Any guesses?”
Rather than directly telling your child “You should do this”, guide them to analyze the situation themselves. This helps develop their critical thinking and decision-making skills. Instead of providing a solution, encourage them to contemplate and discover alternatives.
For example, if your child encounters a situation where their friends are playing a different game, you could ask: “Oh, they’re playing something else? Are you feeling left out?” This helps them become aware of the situation and provides an opportunity to reflect on their emotions and subsequent actions.
You could also suggest some questions for them to ask themselves, such as, “Why don’t I ask them, ‘Do you have enough players? Can I join you guys?'”
If your child responds that they don’t know what to do, offer them specific options to choose from. For instance: “You could ask them if they need an extra player, or you could join another group.” Presenting choices teaches them that there are multiple ways to resolve an issue and that they are not limited to a single option.
Teaching them to think about the “why” is more beneficial than telling them “how.” When children understand the reasoning behind an action, they are more likely to apply that knowledge in similar situations.
“Why don’t you try playing with someone else? For example, ask A if they want to play soccer.”
Social interaction is like climbing stairs—children need to take it one step at a time to avoid falling.
If your child experiences rejection, they can start by interacting one-on-one with friendly peers to reduce the difficulty and disappointment, gradually building their social skills.
Similar to how a successful person gains motivation from initial achievements, your child will think, “I can do this” instead of “Others don’t want to play with me” or “I’m not likable.”
Of course, not all attempts at social interaction will be successful, and children need to learn to accept rejection. You could say something like, “Sometimes, friends may not want to play, and it’s not your fault. How about we go play on the slide or the swings instead?”
Help your child understand that rejection doesn’t mean “I’m not good enough.” It simply means that, in this particular instance, things didn’t work out. By adjusting their mindset, they will develop stronger mental resilience and become more adaptable in future social situations.
A wrong answer teaches children to “endure” and “resent,” while a correct answer teaches them to “understand, try, adjust, and accept.” Social skills are not innate but learned through practice. Each time your child faces a similar situation, whether they succeed or fail, it’s an opportunity for growth.
The world is vast, and there’s always a place somewhere that will welcome them with open arms. When children understand this, they won’t be discouraged by rejection and won’t deny themselves because of it. Instead, they’ll view rejection as a part of life and refuse to let it define their worth. Self-acceptance, including both strengths and weaknesses, will lead to a stronger sense of self-worth.
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