“The 5 Golden Rules for Raising Happy and Successful Children”

Listening is not just about hearing what is said, but also about establishing a spiritual connection with children by ‘seeing’ their gestures and facial expressions, understanding why they have certain ideas, and inspiring them.

So, when parents want to reach their children’s hearts, they should adopt these three attitudes.

– Put yourself in your child’s shoes, empathize with their emotions, and understand what they are saying.

– Listen actively and refrain from judging based on personal likes or dislikes, or right or wrong. Instead, try to understand why your child thinks that way.

– If there is something you don’t understand, ask questions.

The question then becomes, how can parents add depth to these ‘meaningless’ conversations and make their children feel warmer and happier?

Image source: Pinterest.

Acceptance

For example, your child says, “Minh hit me today.”

At this point, you may be curious about what happened next, but if you interrupt or make negative comments, your child will tend to clam up and not want to share more.

What you should do is listen at their pace and accept everything they say, such as: “Yes, you were hit.” When children realize that you are paying attention without judgment, they will feel safer to express their emotions and thoughts.

When children sense that you are on their side, they will sincerely reveal their inner thoughts. You can ask further “How did you feel when Minh did that?” or “Is there anything else you want to share?” These open-ended questions encourage children without putting pressure on them.

Listen at their pace and accept everything they say.

In addition to what they say, you can also read your child’s emotions through their eyes, tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. These signs often provide additional information about their emotional state. Pay attention to how they look you in the eye, the quiver in their voice, or even how they clench their fists. This indicates that they are feeling anxious or afraid.

Moreover, accept your child whether they are happy, sad, or tired. Showing acceptance makes them feel loved and creates a safe space for them to express their emotions.

Empathy

A good way to get children to open up is to acknowledge, understand, and empathize with their emotions.

After school, your child says, “My knee is bruised.”

Although you may have many questions, hold them back. What’s more important is to acknowledge their emotions instead of just showing superficial concern. Say: “That must hurt.” This question shows your interest and lets your child know that you are listening and willing to share their pain.

You can ask further, “Is there anything else that made you uncomfortable?” These questions not only help you understand the situation better but also create opportunities for your child to express their emotions, from sadness to anxiety.

Additionally, share some of your own experiences, such as: “I know how that feels. I’ve been through something similar.”

Acknowledge and understand their emotions.

Respond with sincerity

Children’s world is very small. Something insignificant can easily spark their interest and eagerness to share with their parents. Everyday experiences, from finding a bug to seeing a strange leaf, can become fascinating stories in their eyes.

If parents just reply with “hmm”, it will dampen their enthusiasm for sharing. Children sense that their parents are not interested or listening, and they will gradually withdraw. Over time, they will not want to talk about anything, and if they are bullied at school, they may choose to endure it alone.

Even insignificant things can spark their interest and eagerness to share.

But when parents respond with similar enthusiasm, such as “We are the people you trust the most,” it becomes easier to get further feedback, and children will be more open to sharing their thoughts and emotions.

For instance, if your child excitedly says, “I found a bug today!” you can respond with, “Wow! You found a bug!” This type of response validates their experience and shows your interest.

You can expand the conversation by asking, “What did the bug look like?” or “What did you do with the bug?” This encourages children to develop their descriptive and expressive skills.

Summarize the issue with your child

Children have limited communication skills, and sometimes, despite their best efforts, they struggle to express themselves clearly.

At this point, parents can ask questions to understand the whole story bit by bit, as follows:

– Sit down and look at your child at eye level to help them recognize their emotions: “You look angry. Is it because your friend took your toy?”

Children learn to arrange their thoughts logically and improve their communication skills.

– Ask specific questions, first focusing on the main subject: “Which toy was taken? Was it your favorite dinosaur?” Then, try to recreate the scene: “Were you playing with it, or had you put it away?”

– Guide them through cause and effect, encouraging them to guess the intentions of others: “Did your friend say why they took it?”…

Through these structured questions, children are prompted to provide more details, starting from vague answers like “they grabbed it from me” to more specific ones like “I was playing with my red dinosaur, and suddenly they grabbed it, so I told the teacher.” Here, children learn to arrange their thoughts logically and improve their communication skills.

Open-ended questions

When children only answer “yes” or “no”, the conversation will likely end. However, open-ended questions encourage them to organize their thoughts and think more deeply.

For example, when you pick up your child from kindergarten, they might say, “I had fun playing with my friends today.”

“Oh? What did you play?”

In fact, you don’t need extensive knowledge to raise a successful and happy child. The secret is to start by sincerely listening to their ‘meaningless’ words.

Open-ended questions encourage deeper thinking.

When parents listen with their ears to their children’s emotions, observe with their eyes their discontent, and ask questions to help children organize their thoughts, they are planting seeds of “hope”, “confidence”, “happiness”, and “perseverance” in their children’s hearts. These psychological assets will guide them toward a brighter and more promising future.