“The Entitlement Trap: Why Kids Assume Parental Support and Care is a Given”

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In some families, the relationship between parents and children can become strained due to life pressures, differences in perspectives, or a lack of communication and understanding.

Additionally, children who grow up in an environment where the value of gratitude and sacrifice is not emphasized may be influenced by their peers and media, leading to the formation of different values.

Therefore, it’s essential for parents to take responsibility for teaching their children about gratitude. If parents don’t model or teach their children how to express gratitude, children will lack the framework to do so themselves.

Cultivating gratitude should start at a young age, and children should understand that gratitude is an important part of life. To improve this situation, psychologist Nguyen Ngoc Vui offers valuable suggestions to help parents teach their children the value of gratitude and create a loving and understanding family environment.

Psychologist Nguyen Ngoc Vui.

Do statements like “Don’t worry, parents aren’t tired,” “You just need to focus on studying,” or “Everything your parents have is yours” hinder children’s understanding of gratitude?

Based on my family experience, I don’t use these exact phrases with my children. However, from an educational perspective, these statements don’t accurately reflect the realities that parents face. For example, saying, “We’re not tired,” when you are, means you’re not being honest with your children.

By not allowing children to understand the realities of family life, you’re implying that they aren’t mature enough to handle such information. This can lead to a mindset where they don’t feel the need to know about each other’s lives, reducing their sense of gratitude over time.

The statement, “Everything your parents have is yours,” reflects a mistaken belief, especially in Vietnamese culture. Traditionally, Vietnamese parents work hard their entire lives to leave something for their children. This mindset can foster a sense of entitlement and reduce gratitude in children.

How does the difference in generations and parental indulgence affect children’s understanding and perception of their parents’ sacrifices?

Building a positive family environment relies on mutual understanding and kind treatment between parents and children. If, during their childhood, children don’t recognize their parents’ sacrifices, it can create a disconnect.

At this stage, children aren’t expected to work, and parents share the burden of providing for their children. Therefore, it’s essential for children to understand that their well-being is a result of their parents’ hard work.

Psychological research identifies four types of parenting styles. Indulgent parents, who don’t set rules or standards for their children, can contribute to a decline in gratitude and foster a superficial and lackadaisical attitude in their children.

Can a lack of gratitude lead to psychological issues in children as they grow older? If so, what are these potential issues?

In reality, children who lack gratitude tend to focus on the negative aspects of life, leading to anxiety. They may feel pressured and unable to cope with challenges, increasing their sense of insecurity.

On the other hand, research suggests that practicing gratitude from a young age can reduce the likelihood of psychological issues. Specifically, grateful children tend to be happier because they appreciate the good in their lives, leading to a sense of satisfaction and positivity.

This mindset helps them navigate life’s difficulties and challenges. Numerous studies have shown that gratitude can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. When children focus on the positive and what they have, rather than what they lack, their mood improves, and they feel better about themselves.

Where can children learn gratitude, and how can parents encourage this in their daily lives?

In some cases, parents may unintentionally contribute to this issue by forcing their children to conform to their wishes, leading to feelings of guilt and frustration within the child.

Additionally, when parents don’t share their own struggles or the family’s situation with their children, it prevents the children from understanding and empathizing with their parents.

I had a client in ninth grade who shared, “I see how hard my parents work, and I don’t understand why they have to go through so much. I think they should take a break and enjoy life since we already have a comfortable home and car.”

However, after an open conversation, it became clear that his parents were going through significant financial difficulties and were working tirelessly to recover. One of the parents also had health issues but couldn’t stop working.

When asked why they didn’t share this with their child, the parents replied, “The children are still young,” and “They don’t need to worry about these things.”

While parents have good intentions in shielding their children from family struggles, it can inadvertently create confusion and worry in the child, who sees a comfortable life on the surface but senses the underlying pressure.

In such cases, parents should take the initiative to communicate openly, sharing their stories and family circumstances. This honest dialogue can foster a deeper sense of gratitude in children.