As children enter their teenage years, parents’ excessive intervention and rigidity can exacerbate rebellious tendencies.
Psychologists advise that during the upbringing, parents should refrain from controlling three aspects of their children’s lives, as greater freedom fosters success.
Avoid doing things your child can do themselves
Consider a middle schooler whose mother still helps with packing bags, choosing clothes, and tying shoelaces every morning. Once the child enters high school and resides in a school dormitory, they bring their worn clothes home weekly for their mother to wash, claiming they don’t know how to do laundry and can’t differentiate between worn and unworn garments.
In reality, children need to learn through practice, just like learning to walk by stumbling a few times before mastering it. The child’s inability to do laundry reflects a lack of life skills and an overreliance on their parents for daily tasks, which can hinder their ability to adapt to independent living in the future.
In today’s rapidly changing society, parents must recognize the importance of fostering self-reliance in their children. Allow your 1.5-year-old to feed themselves; they’ll soon learn not to scatter rice everywhere. Similarly, for elementary schoolers, refrain from obsessing over the accuracy of their homework. Instead, let them self-check and correct their mistakes, fostering independent thinking and self-evaluation skills. If they make errors, let them learn from their missteps rather than intervening too soon.
As long as it’s something they can manage, let them take the lead. Encourage them to fold their clothes, tidy their rooms, and prepare simple meals. These small tasks contribute to building a solid foundation for their future life skills.
Avoid doing things your child can do themselves.
Don’t impose academic plans and life choices on your child
Some parents overload their children’s schedules with academic pursuits, such as regular classes in the morning, English lessons in the afternoon, and piano practice in the evening. This leaves children with little free time and a constant sense of pressure and exhaustion.
While parents’ intentions may be good, an overly packed schedule can lead to burnout and a lack of enthusiasm for learning. For older children, it’s essential to guide them in creating a balanced plan that includes academic progress, play, and rest.
Learning is like running a marathon; if you sprint the whole way, you’ll tire quickly. Instead, a steady pace ensures children can go the distance. This approach allows them to absorb knowledge, think critically, and practice skills without feeling pressured to rush through assignments.
When helping your child plan, consider the “Sandwich Rule”: break up study time into manageable segments and insert enjoyable activities in between. For instance, after two hours of studying, allow your child to play sports, paint, or read for 15 minutes. These breaks recharge their batteries and stimulate creativity and better thinking.
Don’t impose academic plans and life choices on your child.
If your child makes a mistake, don’t rush to make excuses; let them take responsibility
When your child errs, resist the urge to justify their actions. Instead, help them recognize their mistake, understand the appropriate behavior, and avoid repeating it. This teaches them to learn from their errors, fostering self-discipline and responsibility.
One mother discovered that her daughter had lost her English textbook. Instead of immediately buying a new one, she decided to let her daughter earn the money to replace it. She said, “This week, you can do chores to earn allowance, and use that money to buy a new book.” Through this experience, the child learned the value of money and how to take better care of her belongings.
“Letting go” doesn’t mean ignoring your child but giving them the space to grow with trust. This approach boosts their confidence in decision-making and problem-solving.
If your child makes a mistake, don’t rush to make excuses.
Allow your child to handle minor issues, such as forgotten homework or misplaced school supplies. Instead of always intervening, discuss study plans with them, ask about challenges, and guide them in finding solutions. When they err, refrain from criticism, and encourage them to reflect on what happened and how to improve. For instance, ask, “What do you think led to this situation?” or “What will you do differently next time?” This promotes critical thinking and self-awareness.
Parenting isn’t just about imparting knowledge; it’s about shaping character and life skills. By letting children take responsibility and learn from their mistakes, you empower them to navigate adulthood confidently, knowing they can handle difficult situations and make sound decisions.
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