The Lonely Child: 5 Signs Your Child is Yearning for Your Love and Attention

17 January, 2025

For instance, during the early days of preschool, children are away from their familiar family environment, but they are capable of self-soothing because they believe they will soon return home to their safe haven; it’s only a temporary separation from their parents.

The calmer a child’s mental state is, the more resilient their spirit will be, and the better their problem-solving and self-development skills will be.

Love is essential for a child’s healthy development. But love can’t be seen or touched if its intensity isn’t properly understood. Children may feel a lack of love. If children exhibit the following five common behaviors, it indicates that they are lacking love and attention from their parents.

Exhibiting Exploratory Behaviors

Children intentionally do something to elicit a reaction from their parents, testing to see if they will be scolded. They then adjust their behavior based on their parents’ response. This often occurs when parents are busy or distracted by other matters.

When children feel neglected or ignored, they may act out to assert their presence in the family. For example, they may deliberately throw toys or other objects to gauge their parents’ reaction and express their emotions. When they see their parents react, they feel excited and continue this inappropriate behavior.

Additionally, children often enjoy making funny and exaggerated faces. The more their mothers try to stop them, the angrier they get, and the more they want to do it, as a way to assert themselves and express their unique personalities.

Moreover, children may use inappropriate language or swear words to attract their parents’ attention. When feeling ignored, they think that saying shocking things will make their parents stop and listen.

If children feel that their parents favor their siblings, they may bully or speak ill of them to gain their parents’ attention.

Children engage in exploratory behaviors.

Bossy Behavior

A child who doesn’t receive enough attention may unconsciously ask their parents to do many things for them to confirm their love. It’s normal for this to happen occasionally, but if these requests increase significantly, it indicates that the child is lacking love and the necessary attention for healthy development.

Children often don’t know how to express their emotions clearly, so they may use specific demands to attract attention. For example, when a child says, “Mom, get me a drink from the fridge,” or “I want yogurt, buy it for me now,” they are actually seeking a connection with their mother.

Furthermore, even if a child has just bought new clothes, repeatedly asking, “Can we go shopping for clothes this weekend?” may reflect a desire for more attention from their parents.

If a parent refuses these demands, the child may lose their temper and react strongly by crying, shouting, or acting out.

Children unconsciously ask others to do many things for them.

Extreme Aggression

In children who haven’t formed secure attachments, the amygdala (the brain’s emotional center) is particularly sensitive, and even a slight abnormal stimulus can trigger a strong reaction, resulting in extremely aggressive behavior. This is because they have been in a high-pressure and unsafe environment for an extended period, developing a sensitive defense system.

Feeling that no one can protect them, they often see themselves as victims when problems arise and are reluctant to admit their mistakes or flaws.

When things don’t go their way or as expected, they blame others and tend to blow minor issues out of proportion.

For example, they may scream or push others for touching their toys, or even run around screaming to vent their frustration. As they grow older, they may scream when playing ball with friends, making it difficult for their peers to catch the ball.

Overly Well-Behaved

If a child doesn’t feel loved, they will try to please their parents at all costs, even if it means forcing themselves to do so. As a result, they behave very obediently and maturely, doing whatever their parents say, even if it’s challenging. However, this isn’t driven by love but by a desire for attention. The child may start to feel that their worth depends on pleasing others.

Over time, they may become emotionally unstable, leading to serious emotional problems. They are more likely to become obsessed with the need to please everyone around them, resulting in exhaustion and burnout.

When children don’t receive enough love and attention, they may develop a sense of inadequacy and feel lonely and unaccepted.

Children try to please their parents at all costs.

Self-Denial

A lack of love often goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. Without encouragement and support, children find it difficult to accept failure and criticism, leading to self-denial.

They think that by doing so, they can build a wall to protect themselves from hurt and feelings of inadequacy. This becomes a defense mechanism to avoid the pain of disappointment.

When faced with challenges, they easily give up, saying, “I can’t do it” or “No matter what, I won’t be able to do it.” When children avoid facing difficulties, they risk not developing problem-solving skills and resilience.

Children exhibit self-denial.

Moreover, when emotions run high, children may have self-denigrating thoughts, such as “I’ve made a mistake” or “My life is a waste.”

When children get trapped in such thinking, they become discouraged and lose motivation, leading to loneliness. If this persists, it can affect their psychological health in the future.