Constructive criticism is meant to be empathetic and respectful, not a means to vent anger or place blame. So why do some children accept criticism easily, while others are sensitive and easily hurt? The key lies in how parents deliver it.
According to experts, there are five phrases that contain the core code for constructive criticism without damaging relationships. These phrases allow children to accept feedback while still feeling loved and respected.
“Mom and Dad are really worried when you come home this late…”
When a child comes home late, many parents instinctively scold, “You’re late again? Why don’t you just stay out all night!”
Such an angry outburst fails to convey the actual message that parents want to impart. Instead, it instills fear in the child.
A blogger shared her childhood experience. During her middle school years, she was quite mischievous and often stayed out late with her classmates. On weekends, she would play until almost 10 pm, dreading the scolding that awaited her at home.
However, upon returning home, her mother would calmly say, “We’re so worried when you come home this late.” This made the young girl feel guilty, and she never stayed out that late again.
In reality, the reason is simple: anger can easily lead to conflict with statements like, “You just want to control me!” However, the mother’s response evoked empathy: “You’re waiting for me.” This approach helps children feel their parents’ love and concern instead of anger.
When educating children, parents can modify their expression of emotions more positively, for example:
“I’m worried that you’re taking a long time to start your homework.”
“I’m concerned that you’re not wearing enough clothes. I’m afraid you’ll catch a cold.”
These statements convey genuine emotions and help children realize that their parents are paying attention, supporting, and understanding them.
“You don’t quite understand this, do you? Let me explain it again.”
Insightful parents will introspect, considering whether their child is learning effectively and if there are any areas for improvement. This attitude of respecting their child and reflecting on their own behavior creates an atmosphere of equal communication, reducing resistance and helping the child feel respected and understood.
The statement, “Let me explain it again,” expresses the parent’s desire to help their child overcome difficulties. It’s a positive approach that encourages children to ask questions and seek understanding.
The parent’s action helps resolve the problem, creating a safe space for the child. When children see that their parents can admit mistakes and work together to find solutions, they learn the value of empathy and responsibility.
Growing up in this environment will boost their confidence in expressing their emotions and thoughts.
“This question is quite challenging. Do you need my help?”
Children’s primary need is to be understood by their parents.
In psychology, empathic response is the foundation of trust-building. This requires parents to accept and express these emotions to be understood and respected.
For instance, “Do you need my help?” avoids impinging on the child’s autonomy and sends a clear message: “I’m here to support you.”
When children struggle with their homework, instead of saying, “Why are you so slow?” ask, “This problem is tricky. How about we tackle it together?” This redirects their focus, helps them feel cared for and understood, and makes them more receptive to collaborating with their parents to solve the problem.
“What do you think we should do?”
A question like, “What do you think we should do?” encourages children to actively think about solutions.
In this way, mistakes become valuable learning opportunities. When children make errors, it’s more important to guide them in reflecting on how to correct them rather than criticizing. Regardless of the idea’s feasibility, affirmation and encouragement will boost their confidence in expressing their thoughts.
In some cases, parents shouldn’t solve the problem but instead ask questions to guide their children to find their own answers. When children feel heard and respected, they’ll be more motivated to grow and learn. Thus, parental support and guidance will help children correct their mistakes and develop essential life skills for the future.
