“The Golden Nine Years”: Shaping Young Lives, a Wake-up Call for Parents

Ages 9–11: Elementary School Years—Developing Good Habits

A behavioral science expert conducted a survey where he observed thousands of children from fourth grade to high school and administered tests on knowledge, ability, and habits.

The test results showed that as the grade level increased, the knowledge and ability scores improved significantly, but the habit scores didn’t change much.

From this, he concluded that the crucial period for children to form habits is during elementary school, with fourth to sixth grade being the most important years for habit formation and reinforcement.

During this stage, developing good habits can benefit children immensely in the long run, positively impacting their studies and future life. If bad habits persist, this is also the best time to correct them; otherwise, they may become ingrained.

Forming good habits is challenging and requires effort and persistence. In contrast, bad habits are easily formed when children are given too much freedom and indulged by their parents.

According to expert Ye Shengtao, “The essence of education is cultivating habits.”

Children are naturally playful. Without good habits, they may struggle to resist the temptations of the outside world.

Thus, parents with foresight should focus on teaching children three key points during this stage.

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Encourage Proactive Learning and Good Habits

Some habits to focus on during this stage include: regular writing practice to improve penmanship, careful completion of homework with an emphasis on quality, proactive knowledge-seeking when facing challenges, and regular review of learned material to reinforce retention.

Foster a Love of Reading and Broaden Their Horizons

Children who read tend to have richer vocabularies and better language expression skills. Parents can take their children to the library on weekends and read together.

Continue to Emphasize Physical Exercise for a Healthy Body

A healthy body is the foundation for academic success and a fulfilling life. Parents should encourage outdoor activities like walking, ball games, and climbing to relieve stress and anxiety, giving children more energy to focus on their studies.

Ages 12–14: Middle School Years—More Companionship

Teenagers need more parental companionship during this stage.

Many parents complain about their children during adolescence, citing issues like sensitivity, rebellion, difficulty in management, disobedience, lack of communication, and running away from home.

But is adolescence the root cause of all these problems? Not necessarily. According to education expert Tran Vu, “Don’t blame the ‘rebellion of adolescence’ for your child’s problems. Not every child will rebel during adolescence. If personal development is not hindered, inner needs are met, and parents have established good communication mechanisms, there is no need for rebellion.”

The book “Decoding the Teenage Years” states: “In adolescence, sudden changes in the body and mind are like a violent storm. Every seemingly rebellious and distant child needs strong support from their parents.”

Writer Rao Xueman says, “Companionship is the best way to educate children, and it should be done in various ways.”

When facing the changes that come with adolescence, parents should help their children navigate this phase by doing three things.

During middle school, children need more companionship.

Guide Them in Managing Their Emotions

Parents should teach children how to face their emotions, whether it’s hatred towards school or anxiety, confusion, or discomfort. Help them find the root cause of these emotions and proactively cope with and resolve them.

Develop Their Ability to Handle Stress

Although academic pressure is intense, it’s not as challenging as the college entrance examination. It’s best to cultivate children’s ability to handle stress during this period, teaching them to face failure and not fear challenges.

When children make an effort, even if they fail, it’s still an achievement. Help them build self-confidence and perseverance to face bigger storms in the future.

Teach Them How to Handle Romantic Feelings

It’s normal for teenagers to have romantic feelings for the opposite sex. However, if parents intervene too much, it may encourage children to become defiant, affecting their studies. Parents should communicate openly and kindly, reminding them of the consequences of early romance and helping them understand that the best relationships are those where both parties work together towards a common goal.

Ages 15–17: High School Years—Learning to Let Go

If parents don’t know how to let go, it will be difficult to raise a successful child.

According to philosopher Erich Fromm, “Without respect, love can easily turn into domination and possession.”

Children raised in a controlling family environment often struggle to become positive and happy individuals.

Children are independent beings with their own paths and lives. They are not tools for parents to realize their unfulfilled dreams or capital for comparison and bragging rights.

Therefore, if parents don’t understand the importance of letting go, it will be challenging to raise independent and exceptional children.

Meanwhile, parents with foresight should offer advice, explain pros and cons, and support their children’s choices.

Author Anna Quindlen shares, “The most successful parental love is not keeping children by your side but nurturing their independence and letting go at the right time.”

So, when children reach adulthood, parents should let go of three things and give them space and freedom.

Parents should learn to let go and give their children their own space.

Allow Them to Make Their Own Choices

Parents can take their children on university campus tours, explore different majors, and offer suggestions without imposing their decisions. Let children set their own goals based on their interests, which will motivate them to study actively.

Allow Them to Make Mistakes

Life is long, and mistakes are inevitable. As long as they’re not catastrophic, mistakes are part of the learning process and self-improvement as children explore the world and discover themselves. Teach children how to face and rectify their mistakes.

Encourage Self-Reliance

The best parental love is teaching children survival skills, including basic tasks like doing laundry, cooking, communicating, and interacting appropriately with others.

Child-rearing is a long-term process. Not only do children need to develop, but parents also need to improve themselves. The greatest blessing for a child is having parents willing to change for their sake.