“Empty Promises”: Experts Reveal the Unexpected Downsides of Parents Not Keeping Their Word

While keeping promises can be challenging, open communication and commitment can help parents raise children who are confident and able to trust others. A happy family starts with small but meaningful promises.

These promises help children develop trust in their parents and feel secure and loved. This trust is crucial in building strong family relationships.

Promises also teach responsibility. When parents keep their promises, children learn the value of fulfilling commitments and honoring their word to others.

Breaking promises can lead to a loss of trust in children.

When children experience promises being fulfilled, it instills a positive mindset and motivates them, giving them hope for the future.

However, in daily life, unforeseen circumstances or unfavorable conditions may arise, making it difficult for parents to keep their promises. This can lead to disappointment and a loss of trust in what adults say.

Sometimes, parents may make promises that they cannot keep, such as expensive toys or activities that are not financially feasible. These high expectations can create pressure for both parents and children.

Life is full of changes, and unexpected situations can make initial promises impractical. In such cases, what can parents do to help children understand the changing context? Psychologist Nguyen Ngoc Vui offers valuable advice.

Master of Psychology Nguyen Ngoc Vui.

What can children learn from witnessing their parents breaking promises? Will this create a habit of unreliability in the future?

The first thing children learn is that “Promises don’t need to be kept”—credibility is no longer important.

Secondly, children believe that they are not worthy of their parents’ attention, even though they were promised something. 

Thirdly, children learn to soothe situations with empty promises, believing that words are enough without the need for action.

These impacts will undoubtedly create a habit of unreliability in the future. Regardless of their age, children will emulate their parents’ behavior. Or, as they grow older and realize their parents’ fallibility, they may struggle to maintain a certain level of respect for them.

How negatively affected or pessimistic might children become if they frequently encounter unkept promises?

It is evident that children will feel disappointed, believing that they are not valued, and may struggle to accept their parents’ broken promises. Moreover, over time, they may lose faith in their worldview, becoming indifferent and hopeless about life and their ability to trust others.

Consequently, children may also develop issues with their teachers and peers, which can later extend to colleagues, affecting their relationships, personality, and overall growth.

What is the best way for parents to explain themselves when they cannot keep a promise?

When unable to keep a promise, the first thing parents should do is apologize to their children. However, many Vietnamese parents find it challenging to say sorry. Regardless, parents should acknowledge their inability to fulfill their promise.

Next, parents should provide explanations tailored to the child’s age and circumstances. These explanations could include external factors such as rainy weather or work commitments, or internal factors such as unforeseen difficulties. The goal is to help children understand that their parents regret breaking their promise.

Additionally, share valid reasons why your promises are still worthy of your child’s respect in the future.

How can children learn patience and acceptance when parents cannot keep their promises?

This depends on various factors. If a child is naturally patient, forgiving, and understanding, they may more easily accept the situation. However, if a child expects others to always fulfill their obligations, acceptance may be more challenging.

Regardless, parents should provide clear and convincing explanations. Let your child know when you plan to make it up to them and work together to find a suitable solution.

When children receive these three things—an apology, an explanation, and a plan for recompense—from their parents sincerely and seriously, it minimizes the impact on their trust and belief in those around them.