Many people believe that when children make mistakes and do not receive attention from their parents, it will negatively affect their mental health. Neglect can make children feel insecure, anxious, and emotionally unstable.
But does reality reflect this? A psychology expert suggests that when a mother gets angry and ignores her child, the consequences may not always be as severe as we think. In many cases, this situation can lead to positive or negative results, but mostly not as serious as we often assume.
What are the benefits of reasonable neglect?
In reality, young children are often smarter than we give them credit for. While their language skills may not be fully developed, they possess a remarkable ability to observe and sense their surroundings. They can pick up on subtle nuances in language, emotions, and context that many adults might miss.
This ability allows children to notice things we often overlook, from slight facial expressions to changes in tone of voice. Many parents don’t realize that when a child makes a mistake, a specific psychological process is at play. Typically, a parent’s initial reaction is to scold, hoping to instill fear and encourage better behavior. Then, when they see an improvement, they shower their child with affection and gentle explanations. In some cases, however, most parents resort to spanking without providing any explanation at all.
Many parents are unaware of the specific psychological processes their children go through when they make mistakes.
However, once children recognize this behavioral pattern, it becomes challenging to deceive them. They possess a level of intelligence that far surpasses our imagination, and they understand not only the words spoken but also the actions of the adults around them. Therefore, physical punishment or shouting is not an effective solution. These methods usually only lead to temporary compliance without genuinely helping children recognize and sincerely rectify their mistakes.
So, what is a more effective method to help children acknowledge their mistakes? Experts suggest considering ignoring them in these situations. When children are young, the need for emotional connection with their parents is incredibly strong. For a child, being ignored equates to a reduction in love, and this is often a more uncomfortable punishment than being scolded.
When children misbehave and anger their parents, ignoring them is a natural emotional response. This helps children understand that their actions have consequences, meaning they need to take responsibility for their behavior. Over time, they will learn that parental love and attention are valuable, and hurting these relationships will lead to undesirable outcomes.
Therefore, teaching children right from wrong is not just about scolding or using violence; it requires tact, sensitivity, and love. When children truly understand the value of good behavior, they will grow up and know how to correct their mistakes in the future.
What should parents do after ignoring their child?
Experts recommend using the technique of ignoring in certain situations, but they also emphasize that it should not be applied for extended periods or abused. The primary purpose of ignoring is not to punish but to help children gain a clearer understanding of their behavior and develop self-reflection and adjustment capabilities.
When a child makes a mistake, such as acting out by hitting someone, it’s essential to help them realize that such behavior is unacceptable. Instead of solely scolding or imposing a punishment, parents should facilitate a deeper understanding of others’ emotions and the repercussions of their actions.
Ignoring a child for a short period provides a calm space, allowing them to have the opportunity to regain their composure and reflect on what just happened. In this moment, while they may not fully grasp the reasons behind their mistake, they will sense that their behavior has caused anger and disappointment in their parents.
A short period of being ignored gives children a chance to calm down and reflect on their actions.
When the child stops the wrongful behavior and sincerely apologizes, this is the ideal time to provide a thorough explanation of the situation. Slowly elucidate the reasons behind the decision to ignore them, emphasizing that it was a way to help them understand how their actions impact others’ emotions.
At the same time, guide them toward positive behaviors they should exhibit in the future. For example, instead of resorting to hitting, they can learn communication skills to resolve conflicts or seek help from adults.
Don’t Overuse This Technique
In reality, there is no perfect method for educating children with absolute effectiveness. Each approach is only truly effective when applied appropriately.
When parents constantly ignore their children, the children may not recognize their mistakes. Instead, they will feel unloved. Over time, they will develop self-protection mechanisms, leading to a lack of desire for love or response from their parents. Consequently, this can negatively affect their mental health, making them more prone to rebellion and difficult to control.
There is no perfect method for parenting, and each approach has its limitations.
When can parents use the technique of ignoring their child?
According to experts, parents should find a piece of paper and list three unacceptable behaviors from their children. These behaviors will become the key points that both parents and children need to work on.
For instance, behaviors such as deliberately hitting someone, lying, or not sharing food equally are typical examples. But why not list five or ten items? Because when parents make too many demands, children may feel overwhelmed and ultimately be unable to meet any of them.
Through the “ignoring” technique, children will learn to adjust their behavior more effectively.
In conclusion, a short period of being ignored can help children recognize their behavioral mistakes. However, parents should not overuse this technique, as it could lead to negative consequences for both parties.
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